Reviews by PvtCaboose91

Deborah Kampmeier's much-hyped Hounddog premiered at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival to a disastrous reception. Following its derailment at the festival, the film was subsequently recut and revised before being given a brief, unsuccessful theatrical release almost two years afterwards. But make no mistake...even the amended version of this humid drama is thoroughly awful. Although writer-director Kampmeier tried to get this project off the ground for a decade, Hounddog - unofficially known as The Dakota Fanning Rape Movie - feels tailor-made to be a vehicle for young Dakota Fanning who clearly desires to transition from kid roles to more dramatic material via this controversial drama. Unfortunately, this is just a heavy-handed, overwrought feature that isn't nearly as powerful or as provocative as it clearly strives to be. Hollow, unbelievably clichéd, unappealing, and unable to convey a worthwhile message, Hounddog is a handsomely-produced but unintentionally risible film.

Taking place in Alabama (although it was filmed in North Carolina) during the late 1950s, the story follows a precious young free spirit named Lewellen (Fanning). A pre-teen on the verge of womanhood, Lewellen is unaware of her burgeoning sexuality as she attracts the attention of lecherous boys while attempting to sort out her domestic troubles. The troubled 12-year-old girl only finds solace from her abusive life through blues music - namely Elvis Presley, whose songs she keenly sings and dances along to.

If there's one thing Hounddog does correctly, it's the recreation of the American South during the 1950s. The striking visuals are evocative of rural living, and the soundtrack (alive with the sounds of locusts and grasshoppers, in addition to a cocktail of classic music) are able to pull a viewer in. Unfortunately, though, Kampmeier has no idea what to do with an audience once they've become immersed in her world. The key flaw is that the story doesn't have anything valuable to say. Moreover, Lewellen never acts like a prepubescent girl - she's a writer's construct as opposed to a living, breathing human being.

Essentially a coming-of-age tale, Hounddog is an extremely episodic drama that bounces all over Lewellen's world in increasingly irritating and unintentionally funny ways. The loss of innocence is supposedly the main vein of thematic exploration for this feature, but Kampmeier simply isn't focused or talented enough to effectively pull it off as she struggles to cover the large canvas of Lewellen's family woes. Clichés plague the screenplay as well. With plenty of painfully "symbolic" snakes, a jovial African American who can offer homespun wisdom at the drop of a hat, and predatory boys who rape young girls, it's doubtful there's a Southern cliché that the writer-director misses!

The first two thirds of Hounddog are incredibly unfocused and grow increasingly boring. Kampmeier continues to throw in pointless distractions rather than focusing on developing a semblance of a narrative. Such distractions include the arrival of a snobby rich girl, as well as the tragedy that befalls Lewellen's father when (in an unintentionally comic moment) lightning strikes his tractor and he's turned into a childlike invalid. Eventually those who know what's coming will find themselves in the decidedly peculiar position of impatiently awaiting the rape of Lewellen, hoping the scene will get things moving. The rape scene arrives after roughly an hour, and is shown with sufficient restraint to deflect a lot of the criticism it received. There's nothing gratuitous or exploitative about this particular scene; it's presented as tastefully as possible while still conveying the horror of the act. (Kampmeier does cross the line, however, with a silly Jesus reference: Lewellen's palm is cut by a nail).

After the rape scene, Kampmeier's movie stumbles from one unlikely story development to the next, and is packed with further distractions (such as the return of a character who wants custody of Lewellen). There's no compelling portrait of Lewellen as she struggles to deal with the trauma. The film never deeply explores the character...she's ashamed and her spirit is broken - that's about all we get. An unnecessary plethora of subplots are added instead - there's some mystical mumbo-jumbo involving snakes, and an all-knowing Negro who soothes Lewellen's spirit with his words of healing and blues music. How does that solve the problem? At the end of the day, Hounddog is just utterly uninvolving and asinine.

More than anything else, Hounddog is a film that allows Dakota Fanning the rare opportunity to convey a tremendous range of emotions in an Oscar-baiting performance. Fanning is the best thing about this otherwise cold fish of a motion picture. The only other actor worth mentioning is David Morse as Lewellen's father. Morse, already a cringingly limited actor, just does his best Forrest Gump impression after his character is struck by lightning. He ludicrously overplays his character's mental reduction, to the point that one will likely be reminded of Robert Downey Jr.'s speech in Tropic Thunder regarding the perils facing an actor who goes "full retard."

Hounddog is merely a string of vignettes - there's no coherent or compelling story, and it loses power as a result. The controversial rape scene is the only moment in Hounddog that's genuinely effective because it is the only time that writer-director Deborah Kampmeier had a solid idea of what she wanted to say. In spite of a few scenes of utter greatness, this motion picture as a whole is an unmitigated mess. If there was genuine heart and passion behind this film, Hounddog could've become the genuinely moving and powerful drama that it wanted to be rather than the maudlin, silly mess it ended up becoming.

4.7/10

Nothing But the Truth is rock-solid entertainment devised by adults, starring adults, and intended for adults. The opening moments of this riveting journalism drama emphasise that it's merely inspired by (but not based on) a true story. The plot is a moderate reworking of an event that occurred in 2005 - New York Times reporter Judith Miller served time in gaol for refusing to reveal her source for a story that exposed the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame. For Nothing But the Truth, details of this true story have been altered (Iraq is changed to Venezuela, 9/11 is changed to an attempted Presidential assassination), but the broad strokes are there. Writer-director Rod Lurie employs the true story's basic elements to craft this compelling political thriller. And in doing so, Lurie has created a powerful examination of the fragility of Constitutional rights as well as the consequences of journalistic integrity. In a contemporary cinematic climate of kid-friendly and action-drenched multiplexes, Nothing But the Truth stands out as something rare - a top-flight drama for grownups. One of the most overlooked and unappreciated movies of 2008, this is an intelligent motion picture which centres on smart characters.

In this loose retelling of the 2005 Miller/Plame affair, an ambitious Washington journalist named Rachel Armstrong (Beckinsale) writes an article that divulges incriminating evidence about the United States government. This article also reveals that a local suburban woman named Erica Van Doren (Farmiga) is a covert CIA operative. The axe falls immediately - Rachel's story triggers a swift reaction from the government, who demand to know who gave the reporter confidential information. However Rachel refuses to reveal the identity of her source, and consequently she's thrown in gaol by smooth-talking US prosecutor Patton Dubois (Dillon). As days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, Rachel refuses to talk, which brings about dire consequences for herself and her family.

Director Lurie manages to keep the gripping narrative throttling forward at a brisk pace. The speed and force with which the government come down upon Rachel is as abrupt and startling to the characters as it is to a viewer. As the plot progresses, Lurie continually adds more nuance while also offering a thoughtful commentary on several things - the fleeting media attention for Rachel's plight, the shifting public perception of the media, and even sexism (in the form of criticism against Rachel for remaining in gaol instead of being with her son). These elements culminate in a terrific speech delivered by Rachel's attorney (Alda) at a US Supreme Court hearing. Nothing But the Truth concentrates on Rachel's dilemma while simultaneously displaying the aftershock for CIA agent Erica Van Doren. As Erica is continually grilled by her superiors (who believe that she is either the leak or has carelessly disclosed her identity) and Rachel is threatened with prison time, it becomes possible to sympathise with both of these women.

Lurie's screenplay deviates considerably from the Miller/Plame affair that inspired the film in order to critique the American government and a modern society. One of the picture's strongest points is that those unfamiliar with the real-life story will be easily sucked into the film's narrative, and the movie doesn't contain many exaggerations to distract those acquainted with the story. The filming style adopted by Lurie and cinematographer Alik Skharov is tremendously gritty, and the immediacy is downright staggering from time to time. The thoughtful script is also well-written - heated conversations between the characters are intense instead of over-the-top - and the central narrative is wrapped up with a clever, unexpected plot twist. The film is sharply edited thanks to editor Sarah Boyd as well, and everything is topped off with a powerful, evocative score courtesy of Larry Groupé. Nothing But the Truth has its faults - it's underwritten (more character development would've been beneficial), the politics of the knotty case are oversimplified, and the subplot about Rachel's husband is a dead end (both emotionally and structurally) - but it's nevertheless a masterful effort, and these faults aren't enough to outweigh its abundance of strengths.

One of the strongest points of Nothing But the Truth is the cast, led by Kate Beckinsale who submits one of the best performances of her career. Through Beckinsale we can see Rachel Armstrong's ambition as well as her love for her son, and her shock and outrage at the treatment the FBI subjects her to. Director Lurie relies a lot on close-ups, and this style is advantageous because the myriad of emotions conveyed by Beckinsale are brought out.
As the explosive CIA operative Erica Van Doren, Vera Farmiga is downright excellent. The conviction and indignation that Farmiga manages to bring to her character is startling. Matt Dillon is impeccably nuanced as Patton Dubois. Dillon's restraint in the role (he never plays Dubois as an antagonist) makes it easier to see things from his perspective.
The supporting cast is equally remarkable. Angela Bassett conveys grave authority in her role as Rachel's editor, while Noah Wyle does an excellent job as the newspaper's hot-headed legal counsel. Alan Alda is terrific as the overly dapper but committed attorney, bringing a great degree of gravitas to this challenging role. Meanwhile, David Schwimmer submits understated, engaging work as Rachel's embittered husband.

Unjustly ignored during its brief period in theatres, Nothing But the Truth is a crisply-shot political thriller that's definitely worth checking out.

8.8/10

Co-written and directed by David Koepp, Ghost Town is a pleasant little cinematic gem which perfectly balances romantic comedy and light-hearted ghost story. Despite being a commercial underperformer (only just regaining its budget at the box office) and suffering a short theatrical run, this is a genuinely funny rom-com elevated by a top-shelf cast and a sharp script. Thankfully, Koepp's feature never goes big - there are no over-the-top comedic set-pieces, and the filmmakers never hurl fistfuls of money at the screen to distract with ornate sets or excessive CGI. Ghost Town isn't weighed down by too many characters or dangling subplots either, so it's therefore able to focus on making us laugh and tugging our heartstrings (which it does well). The film's sense of humour is dry, quippy, and superbly understated, while at the same time there's a sweetness and vulnerability on the flipside - this is a movie with a big, beating heart.

The protagonist here is a misanthropic dentist named Bertram Pincus (Gervais). The man hates people, and he chose his profession because he doesn't have to talk to his clients. During a routine colonoscopy, Bertram unexpectedly dies for bit less than seven minutes. Following his brief departure into the afterlife, Bertram is gifted with the ability to see and interact with ghosts wandering the streets of New York City, specifically those with unfinished business from their former lives. Unfortunately for the socially awkward Bertram, the ghosts begin pestering him non-stop, seeking his help to finish their unfinished business. Bertram soon meets a recently-deceased businessman named Frank (Kinnear) who promises to get rid of the ghosts forever if he does him a favour. Frank's widow (Leoni) is about to be remarried, and Frank wants Bertram to break it up.

Writers Koepp and John Kamps never bog down their screenplay with superfluous subplots, nor do they introduce a gaggle of characters merely for a laugh - the screenplay is instead remarkably sleek and efficient. Ghost Town is essentially a three-character piece: it focuses on Frank, Frank's widow Gwen, and the misanthropic Bertram who's inadvertently caught in the middle. The first half of this feature is a blend of amusing situations and droll dialogue as Bertram comes to terms with his new ability. A hilariously tempestuous relationship also develops between Bertram and the ghosts during this period which erodes the dentist's patience. Once the comedic and romantic elements are established, Koepp reaches for the heartstrings during a few poignant sequences. This mawkish aspect is surprisingly well-handed, although the tonal shift is a bit abrupt. During the final forty minutes, the screenplay unfortunately descends into a mire of familiar rom-com clichés.

Bertram is a snobbish antisocial asshole, and from the outset it's obvious he'll be redeemed by the film's dénouement. The problem is that the movie is devised to be a romantic comedy, and it's difficult to embrace the romance if one half of the couple is unlikeable. Because the dentist is so horrible to Gwen initially, it's also difficult to accept the fact that she falls for Bertram...it's the quickest "frenemy" conversion in movie history.

The core of the story is not otherworldly exploration, but Bertram slowly adjusting to the world of communication with other people. The ghosts are mainly a MacGuffin - they help Bertram realise his hollowness, and place the man on a path to redemption. Ghost Town thankfully avoids addressing concepts of spirituality and God, therefore never becoming needlessly preachy or provocative, and it's far more enjoyable as a result. However, the script stumbles in its depiction of ghosts - they can walk around on the solid floor, they can sit in seats, they can lean on walls and obviously have some form of physical presence...yet they can walk through things as well (Frank clearly moves from room to room without using a door). This aspect is ultimately confounding, and the duo of writers should've included a brief explanation. After all, explaining the abilities of ghosts in this sense is a concept overflowing with comedic possibilities.

Ghost Town is ultimately elevated by the well-developed characters and the witty, well-written character interactions. Director Koepp handles the material with great skill, displaying a sleight-of-hand that can be funny, surprising or touching. The combination of Koepp's delicate direction and a wonderful soundtrack ensures that Ghost Town engages and entertains from the very first frame.

Ricky Gervais pulls off the lead role with unique self-assurance. He is the exact opposite of a romantic lead - short, middle-aged, and ordinary in appearance - but he perfectly matches the character of Bertram Pincus. Gervais never forces his lines or overacts - his humour is instead dry and understated, yet caustic. Greg Kinnear is equally excellent, taking his sleazy, determined ghost role and infusing it with a convincing, regretful sense of humanity. Kinnear and Gervais play off each other wonderfully whenever they share the frame. Thanks to these endearing actors, a viewer can become comfortable with the concept of a man talking to ghosts, and therefore get comfortable with the characters. Alongside Gervais and Kinnear, there's a very watchable Téa Leoni. Kristen Wiig (who previously featured in Knocked Up) is given a tiny role as a meek surgeon, and provides some of the movie's biggest laughs. There's some impeccable back-and-forth between her and Gervais as she desperately tries to cover up gross malpractice.

With Ghost Town, David Koepp grasps a familiar framework and does something remarkable with it. The writer/director's approach is understated yet devastatingly hilarious, and with a lot of heart to boot. Ghost Town may not burn up the box office, but this perfectly entertaining effort entertains and disarms with an impeccable mix of humour and pathos.

8.2/10

Direct Contact is just another standard "if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all" direct-to-DVD action flick. Aging action star Dolph Lundgren is this picture's focal selling point - without a performer like Lundgren, there'd be nothing of any interest to anybody since the cast is filled with small-time actors no-one gives a damn about. To the credit of director Danny Lerner and writer Les Weldon, Direct Contact assuredly entertains with a non-stop string of incredibly violent action sequences. As long as you're prepared to suspend your disbelief (describing this film as preposterous is an understatement) and overlook general filmmaking incompetency, this low-budget actioner delivers precisely what you'd expect. Direct Contact was purportedly a mere stepping stone for the Dolphster - he was compelled to appear, and the production company (Nu Image) in return allowed him to direct and star in Command Performance.

The protagonist here is Mike Riggins (Lundgren); a lethal black ops soldier caught smuggling and dumped in a Russian prison for perpetuity. He lands a Get Out of Jail Free card when an American diplomat (Paré) negotiates his release, offering Mike freedom and $100,000 to rescue a woman named Ana (May) who was kidnapped by a ruthless war lord in Eastern Europe. Mike promptly carries out his orders, but after killing a bunch of incompetent soldiers and saving Ana, he realises he's been snookered. Both Ana and Mike are then hunted by tonnes of seriously ill-tempered, heavily-armed bad guys.

The story is strictly well-worn territory. The plot is also thin, incredibly lazy, and non-existent yet unfathomable at the same time. Nothing is ever set up, and plot elements are just glossed over. It seems everything apart from the action is an inconvenience to the filmmakers. This story is a trite waste of time driven by plot holes and unbelievable contrivances.

The characters are all clichéd and one-dimensional. Gina May's performance is easier on the eyes than the ears - she's a woeful actress whose performance is complemented with horrid dialogue. The film's villainous cohorts are tediously contrived and evil in the most stereotypical of ways. Michael Paré has become an Uwe Boll regular, thus for the performer to feature in a low-rent actioner is forgivable. James Chalke is notably awful; awkwardly fumbling around, playing one of the worst screen villains ever committed to celluloid. At least Dolph Lundgren manages to provide his fans with a few thrills. He's a pretty stoic performer, but Lundgren packs a serious punch for a guy in his fifties. Director Danny Lerner isn't exactly known for high-calibre screenplays (he has penned a few Steven Seagal films) or top-quality features (he directed Shark in Venice and Raging Sharks), so it comes as no surprise that Direct Contact is pretty bad. He simply can't pry decent performances out of his actors, and he's unable to write dialogue that doesn't sound forced and/or clichéd. Even worse, Lundgren and Gina exhibit zero chemistry, and it's disconcerting to portray the two of them in a romantic fashion considering that they could pass off as father and daughter.

Direct Contact is at least very violent, and the main bad guy succumbs to a legendary death sequence. When the Dolphster is granted the opportunity to fire upon his enemies with an array of firearms, loaded blood squibs explode with reckless abandon. This is an unapologetically hard-R picture, gleefully embracing its hyper-violent late '80s action pedigree. Sinew blasts from the ruined uniforms of soldiers during the rampant gunplay exchanges, bringing back memories of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando in several ways. The majority of the budget was clearly blown on both blood squibs and pyrotechnics. Even the abandoned building in which the climax takes place is packed with a convenient stash of gas barrels just lying around, waiting to explode. Direct Contact is incredibly stupid as well, with Dolph's Mike Riggins walking out into the open during multiple action sequences when he has guns trained on him! Throughout virtually every action sequence, soldiers have clear shots at their target but conveniently miss. The only hit Mike ends up sustaining is a conveniently-placed flesh-wound which is used to create a tired set-up for a love scene later in the film.

The action is thankfully more 'old school' - it's devoid of silly split-second editing that plagues most action films of the current era. While the imagery is admittedly infused with at least some degree of flair, the filming/editing collaboration is simply woeful, generating constant continuity errors. Probably the worst action sequence in the film occurs at a stadium - choppy beyond all belief. The car chases are also a bit too standard and lack energy, not to mention a lot of the footage has quite obviously been sped up. The result is a merely watchable actioner.

Fundamentally an amalgam of Commando and the Dolphster's own The Mechanik (a.k.a. The Russian Specialist), Direct Contact is a flawed but enjoyable action film. It's taut and brisk at about 85 minutes, and it provides bagfuls of blood and gore, but all elements of this film are mediocre at best. Still, Dolph Lundgren kicks things up a notch and holds your attention with a kung-fu grip. The aging but still awesome Dolph partaking in some entertaining action sequences makes Direct Contact exciting enough to ensure it's at least worth watching.

4.8/10

The critical mind boggles when one is faced with the task of reviewing a film entitled Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. The title itself reveals everything you need to know about this B-Grade monster schlock - the plot, the major set-pieces, and above all the genre. Cinematic schlock is created when a preposterous concept is meshed with an inept approach, generating a perfect storm of celluloid patheticness that guarantees plenty of laughs (intentional or otherwise). There are instances when sheer filmmaking incompetency produces a deliciously awful experience - such movies triggered the creation of the term "so bad it's good". Lovers of such lunacy will adore Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus; this low-budget creature feature filmed in twelve days and completed barely four months afterwards. With its sloppy CGI, uproariously ridiculous plot points and lame acting, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is an instant camp classic as opposed to a standard cinematic stool sample. It's certainly bad, but deliberately so - winking at the audience frequently along the way. Expecting anything from this feature apart from a good time revelling in awfulness would be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Now, the plot... Wow, this'll be easy. A Megalodon shark and a gigantic octopus were frozen in mid-combat back during the Ice Age. Millions of years later, the glacier containing these prehistoric combatants melts, reviving the creatures. After these monsters wreak havoc on the world and inflict massive casualties on the human populace (mostly off-screen, which is unfortunate because what we do see is hilariously awesome), a marine scientist (Gibson) along with her newfound Japanese counterpart (Chao) and daffy Irish mentor (Lawlor) are brought in to assist with the situation. Initially the scientists try to capture the gargantuan animals, using pheromones as bait. (Of course, no-one is concerned with how the fuck they'd be able to keep these specimens alive for research...logistics is never an issue for the characters.) But predictably, this plan fails, so it's time for Plan B: lure the two creatures away from civilisation and allow them to fulfil the prophecy of the film's title.

We're subjected to a clichéd "laboratory scene" while the characters are trying to figure out how to kill the titular creatures, wherein the scientists make weird faces, mix coloured liquids in beakers for no reason, look through microscopes and scribble down notes. Lots of jargon is thrown into the script in an attempt to make the military sound authentic as well - plenty of "Plan Delta" and "Zero One Niner". There's even a Japanese submarine supposedly in Japan that's inhabited by a crew who speak perfect English without the slightest hint of a Japanese accent.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus opens with an assortment of inexpensive stock shots of snowy mountains punctuated with inexpensive stock shots of the sea. A helicopter apparently drops some sort of sonic wave thingy into the sea since he's on some kind of top-secret government mission. Be aware that we never actually see said helicopter flying over the water...we're just shown footage of it flying amongst the clouds. The one shot of the helicopter flying is reused about three or four times before the shot is flipped to show the helicopter flying in the opposite direction which is then reused a few times.

The highlight of this motion picture is undoubtedly the hilarious sequence during which the Mega Shark attacks an airborne passenger plane...the shark literally leaps thousands of feet out of the water and grabs the jet with its mouth. Never mind that the impact upon landing back in the ocean should kill the shark. In addition to this, the film's "Money Shot" moment shows the Mega Shark taking a chomp out of the Golden Gate Bridge. Meanwhile, the Giant Octopus swats planes with its tentacles and dismembers an entire oil rig. Absurd and unconvincingly executed, yet it's glorious! Absolutely glorious! The epitome of bad monster movie awesomeness!

Jack Perez writes and directs under the pseudonym of Ace Hannah (I shit you not), loading the screen with overinflated dialogue, well-worn clichés and laughable action sequences. Due to this, you'll be giddily awaiting to see where he'll take this mess next. One assumes Perez billed himself as Ace Hannah to make his name sound more B-Movie-esque. However it's more likely that the man was mortified by what he'd created and desperately wanted to distance himself from it.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is unmistakably fun, but it's also underwhelming. While there are some awesome moments of Mega Shark and Giant Octopus mayhem guaranteed to tickle your B-Movie funny bone, one will be yearning for more. The film unfortunately fails to deliver a truly epic duel between the gigantic sea monsters. The concept is definitely too ambitious given the budgetary restrictions, though every penny appears on the screen. The computer animation looks cheap and is never realistic, but it isn't brutally bad either. The actual fight between the shark and the octopus sadly looks more like a bizarre mating ritual. They bump into each other, and then it appears that the octopus is humping the Megalodon. Perhaps the pheromones made an impact and the thing is trying to fuck its opponent to death.

The filmmakers cut corners whenever possible. Certain computer-animated shots are repeated a lot, including one sequence which features the very same shot three or four times during a ten second period. The shark vs. octopus encounter itself is just the same few shots on a loop. Although the shots are hokey and the repetition is glaringly obvious, they do the job at least, and all the fakery adds to the film's charm. The standard studio sets are also quite comical. Look out for the interior ship set - it's used twice as two different US battleships and once as a Chinese submarine, and it's very obvious as well. Again, it adds to the charm. The editing is pretty shoddy as well. Some live action shots are reused a lot, for instance. On top of this, at one stage the pilot of a jet radios a mayday about being knocked out of the sky before he's actually knocked out of the sky. The same type of thing also occurs during the shark/plane sequence. Once again, this is all part of the charm.

In the cast you'll find former singer Debbie Gibson as the female protagonist and Vic Chao as the Japanese associate - both are hilariously awful. Lorenzo Lamas delivers an expectedly wooden performance with crummy dialogue to match, but he can be forgiven due to his use of the term "Sharkzilla". However, it seems Lamas doesn't actually know what type of film he's making as he appears to take everything a bit too seriously. Alongside these "actors" is Sean Lawlor (whose filmography also includes Braveheart) who at least looks like he's trying. Every piece of bad, laughable dialogue is delivered with straight faces by these performers.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is gormless, unrealistic, cheesy, and great! The budget doesn't allow the film to fulfil its potential (a big-budget Hollywood remake should be in order), but the 'fun factor' is firmly in place. God knows there are countless criticisms you can throw at the movie, but the enthusiasm cannot be denied. Just watch the film in context and remember exactly what it is. If you like good old-fashioned schlock, this fast-paced 85-minute B-Movie bonanza overflowing with campy glee will bring a smile to your face.

5.4/10

This is a classic cartoon unmatchable for its sheer audacity and imagination. I mean, who would've thought anyone would ever make a movie about a Walt Disney character coming across the mammoth creature of myth!? It's just totally out of the blue and random, and in turn utterly brilliant. The artist behind this exceptional creation apparently made this little film for a school project when his originally-planned live action movie was not going to be completed on time.

In 1994 this hilarious gem of a film was voted as #38 of the 50 Greatest Cartoons of all time by members of the animation field. This was very well deserved. Surely you can spare 90 seconds of your time watching this concoction of subtle comedy ("Bambi's wardrobe designed by...") and just good old-fashioned laughs. One shot, one main gag. Nuff said.

You'll find it right here: [Link removed - login to see]

9.0/10

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is not only a compelling early contender for the worst film of 2009, but it's also a contender for the worst film of all time! This second attempt at a screen adaptation of the revered Capcom video game series is unbelievably awful in every aspect. Generic action sequences, atrocious acting, cringe-inducing dialogue and lacklustre filmmaking are all combined, resulting in an hour and a half of pure cinematic torture. The first time the Street Fighter video game empire was adapted for the big screen, it concerned (a cartoonishly costumed) Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue trying to rescue the world from the evil clutches of (an infirmed) Raul Julia...and the film tanked! Now in 2009, fifteen years later, we've been given Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li - a production armed with a few clumsy television actors, Chris Klein, and a member of the Black Eyed Peas. This is not progress! With Andrzej Bartkowiak at the helm (who also directed the awful film adaptation of Doom), this feature is incredibly inept, and even that's putting it lightly. Most disheartening is that this dreck is unable to deliver the barest of bare-knuckle guilty pleasures promised by the genre. So what's left? Absolutely nothing.

At least 20th Century Fox were aware of the dud they had on their hands - they didn't screen the movie for the critics, and apparently most of the theatres showing this reel of used toilet paper only screened it once or twice a day. Why does this movie even exist, anyway? The Street Fighter video game series peaked in the '90s, which justifies the Van Damme movie. This latest rendition, however, is unjustifiable.

The plot concerns Chun-Li (Kreuk) who travels to Bangkok after receiving an enigmatic scroll (oddly enough, this scroll literally looks like a piece of paper that has been shoddily glued onto a piece of cheap cardboard). The streets of Bangkok are ruled by a crime syndicate called Shadaloo, headed by criminal mastermind Bison (McDonough) and his right hand man Balrog (Duncan). It seems Chun-Li battles this crime syndicate to save the city and because they kidnapped her father when she was a kid. Meanwhile, Interpol Agent Charlie Nash (Klein) is equally passionate to stop Bison and take down Shadaloo.

The story does not make much sense. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li simply limps along from one poorly-staged set-piece to the next, climaxing with a whimper rather than a bang. It lacks both coherence and flow. This 2009 picture is distinctly different to the catastrophic 1994 movie failure, exchanging the cartoon atmosphere for a grittier tone that concentrates on revenge scenarios rather than a world domination plot. Justin Marks' script is surprisingly straight-faced...far too serious for its own good. It's also just really badly written. When a character seeks information on Shadaloo, they simply use the internet. No secret is safe from the internet, after all. When Chun-Li needs to know about a secret shipment, she finds a random guy on the wharf and breaks his arm to extract the relevant information. With the help of a guy named Gen, Chun-Li is trained to become a supreme master of kung-fu. This transformation from naïve fighter to highly skilled warrior takes all of five minutes, and mostly involves marbles being pelted at her.

Here's the big problem: both Street Fighter films have next to nothing to do with the actual video game. The basic concept behind Street Fighter is gloriously simple: two fighters face off in the ring, attacking each other with a variety of kicks, punches and special moves until one is beaten into submission. A serviceable film adaptation could be derived from the same formula (maybe a tournament movie like Bloodsport?), but both attempts so far work from a needlessly complicated and ridiculously silly story (in this case a meandering crime syndicate tale which takes forever to unfold). The Legend of Chun-Li is much further removed from the video game than the Van Damme vehicle preceding it. This is only a Street Fighter movie by name, and because a few classic characters have cameos. Chun-Li at one stage fights Vega (one of the video game's coolest characters), but he gets a minute or two of screen-time and just seems like a poor imitation of Wolverine with his giant metal claws.

At its core, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is a martial arts demonstration reel, but it's an extremely unimpressive one. For a big studio release, the technical accomplishments are extremely subpar. The strictly ordinary choreography during the fight sequences is captured with scarcely a modicum of skill - some clumsy cinematography which is amplified by the choppy editing. It's impossible to lighten up and embrace the violence when it's just a blur occasionally punctuated by a famous Street Fighter finishing move. These are just silly wire-work sequences during which no-one ever seems to get hurt, and one is unable to get any sense of a character's brute force or skill. The gun battles are just routine, PG-13 filler. In fact, so is the entire movie as it lamely lurches from conflict to conflict in a programmed manner. Some of the gun battles do look mildly cool, but these are unfortunately few and far between. The Legend of Chun-Li cannot be considered a movie - it's a God forsaken tragedy! It reels in some of the most pathetic actors in the industry who are aching for their existence to be acknowledged, and gives them a vastly stupid script to regurgitate.

The acting is atrocious right across the board. Chris Klein delivers one of the most laughably awful screen performances of the decade, making Van Damme seem Oscar-worthy in comparison. His portrayal of Nash is beyond awful - not only can he not act, but he was probably drunk during filming. The performer (calling him an actor would be a questionable compliment) assumes a strange mix of Clint Eastwood and metrosexual paedophile as he desperately tries to come across as a tough guy. It's frankly hilarious to observe his cheese, especially in the presence of the other actors who seriously look as if they're holding back giggles. His character also favours a pistol over hand-to-hand fighting, so why is he even included in the film?! Throughout this cinematic abomination, I was actually missing the acting skills of Jean-Claude Van Damme... And as for the rest of the cast... Neal McDonough might've fared better had he not used such a goofy Irish accent (Bison is a quintessential Irish surname, after all). One-time Oscar nominee Michael Clarke Duncan is reduced to playing the character Balrog, while a host of other actors (Robin Shou, Josie Ho and the attractive Moon Bloodgood) are unfathomably woeful as the one-dimensional stock characters. Kristin Kreuk is hot, but it seems she was deceased throughout the filming period as she boasts just one expression and one tone of voice. She also does a thoroughly awful job of faking martial arts moves before her stunt double steps in.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is tiresome, brain-dead and ill-considered. It'd be impossible for anyone to have a legitimately enjoyable time watching this awful motion picture which delivers nothing apart from an inconsistent crime plot. Unfortunately, the makers behind this Street Fighter movie are unable to put together a martial arts scene that's worth a damn. Not even morbidly curious film-goers should give this one a shot unless they also have masochistic tendencies.

1.5/10

Three years after the screen adaptation of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code stormed the box office and became one of the decade's most profitable movies, the inevitable sequel Angels & Demons (also based on a novel by Brown) steps up to bat. Brown's Angels & Demons novel was written as a visceral and concise action-thriller, directly contrasting the more famous but ponderous Da Vinci Code. With the filmmakers able to infuse this Angels & Demons adaptation with suspense, thrills and a larger scale, the novel was certainly a more Hollywood-friendly property. It seems the filmmakers have also learned a number of lessons from the significantly-panned Da Vinci Code film - Angels & Demons is a tighter, more agreeable, more widely appealing and all-round superior mystery thriller with more action and less exposition. Screenwriters Akiva Goldsman and David Koepp thankfully aren't as bound to the literary word for this sequel, streamlining a lot of the narrative's notable excesses in order to produce a more digestible film. Yet there are still inherent flaws due to Brown's writing style: plot heavy and with little characterisation, the film has no real weight beyond its on-screen occurrences. The absurd nature of the prose has of course been carried over as well.

Interesting fact: since Dan Brown's Angels & Demons novel was published prior to The Da Vinci Code, it is supposed to be Robert Langdon's debut adventure. Alas, Hollywood has reworked the facts and Angels & Demons has become the follow-up.

We learn at the beginning of the film that the Pope has died, and officials within the Vatican are ready to begin the process of determining his successor. Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Hanks) is recruited by the Vatican when an ancient secret society (known as the Illuminati) delivers an ominous threat. Determined to disrupt the post-mortem search for a new Pope, Illuminati agents kidnap the four 'preferitti' (primary hopefuls for the new Pope), and steal a canister containing antimatter which is planted in a hidden passageway under Rome. Robert Langdon is accompanied by a physicist named Vittoria (Zurer) as he busily dashes around the labyrinthine city with only a single evening to carefully decipher a series of puzzles while mangled corpses are delivered on the hour in the lead-up to the possible annihilation of Vatican City.

Howard engages in suspense mode from the very beginning as the story delivers kidnappings, poisonings, Illuminati gunplay, split-second decoding, the occasional burst of violence, and above all an energetic chase all over Vatican City as Robert and Vittoria sniff out clues amongst the religious paraphernalia. With the ticking clock being the fading battery on the antimatter bomb to ratchet up the tension, Angels & Demons is enjoyably spry, even with shovelfuls of exposition powering the story's increasing absurdity. But Howard is able to sell the premise effectively, and for the average film-goer the holes in the story will only become clear while examining the film in hindsight. Lacking the verbosity of The Da Vinci Code, Howard and company have adapted Brown's novel the way it was intended to be - as a beautiful, big-budget Hollywood action-thriller. Angels & Demons is a fairly adult-minded movie-going event, and a fulfilling one at that. It's similar to National Treasure, except more mature and without the snarky comedy. This is also a hard PG-13, with a surprising abundance of disturbing imagery and blood. Five minutes were reportedly trimmed from the theatrical cut to avoid an R rating.

Angels & Demons is visually compelling and narratively engrossing without ever being genuinely breathless. Ron Howard directs with total conviction, with Hans Zimmer's grand score extremely befitting of the breathtaking imagery. A highlight of Angels & Demons is the convincing recreation of Vatican City. The production crew were banned from filming on location and were forced to create virtually everything on soundstages, though you'd never know it (minor location filming was conducted using a fake working title, though). With luxury cars speeding through Rome's crowded streets, the movie alternates between location shooting, CGI-enhanced vistas, and intricately detailed film sets with speed and elegance, creating the illusion that the characters are actually inside the grand European city. Cinematographer Salvatore Totino generates a strong European visual aesthetic and the editing is energetic. On the whole Howard's film is nail-biting for the majority of its runtime, but it's frequently mired by its flawed script.

Unfortunately, none of the characters inhabiting Angels & Demons possess any degree of depth - they're empty ciphers who journey from A to B. The first 90 minutes of the film deliver a portion of "treadmill proceedings" - i.e. the characters are always moving but get nowhere. During this period Langdon uncovers improbable clues that lead to further clues instead of leading directly to the solution. Even if one misses a few chunks of exposition, the plot-by-numbers storyline is quite simple to follow. For the perceptive film-goer, the big "twist" ending can be easily deciphered by about an hour into the picture. And when the niceties of the overall conspiracy are finally revealed, it's pretty underwhelming - we were originally led to believe it would be more fascinating. The whole conspiracy doesn't make much sense either if you think about it. By all means, Angels & Demons is absurd as well - the conspiracy was masterminded by two evil characters devoid of clear motivations, one of which is a solitary hitman (Lie Kaas) able to pull off crimes even a big organisation wouldn't have the manpower to commit. Running at about 135 minutes, Angels & Demons becomes cumbersome, especially during the final act. Nevertheless, director Howard is a master of his craft, and the film is technically competent. It's a testament to Howard's cinematic skills that he's able to make this ludicrous story work as an engaging thriller.

The conflict of science vs. religion lies at the centre of Angels & Demons. This commentary is an essential component of the narrative, and the screenplay imparts a perspective for both minds. The film is not an exhaustive mental exercise, but the debate prevents the material from slipping into a dull routine of peril and tongue-twisting monologues.

Tom Hanks submits a solid, confident performance as the film's central protagonist, but he's unable to escape the formulaic nature of the enterprise. The supporting players are unhelpful idiots included to keep the plot stirring. Ayelet Zurer plays Vittoria Vetra; a physicist with smarts and charm. Her character is undermined by lack of development, however, and she's forgettable as a result. Ewan McGregor's portrayal of Camerlengo Patrick McKenna is bursting with charisma. Again, it's an underwritten part, but McGregor continually commands the frame. Stellan Skarsgård is suitably menacing and effective as the head of the Vatican security apparatus, while Armin Mueller-Stahl exudes authority in a key supporting role. As the mysterious assassin, Nikolaj Lei Kaas does a decent job.

This sequel to 2006's The Da Vinci Code offers a heightened sense of danger and another self-assured performance courtesy of Tom Hanks. Angels & Demons is a well-paced and serviceable action-thriller dressed in religious mumbo jumbo. Due to its absurd nature, the film relies on continuous forward momentum to ensure an audience hasn't much time to ponder it too deeply. Aiming to engross more than provoke discussion, the film is admittedly entertaining as it throttles towards a predictable conclusion. Since this is one of the highest grossing films of 2009 (in excess of $450 million worldwide), it's likely that another Robert Langdon adventure will materialise.

6.7/10

Push is of a rare breed - it's a comic book-style action-thriller modelled from an original concept not directly based on any comics or graphic novels. Director Paul McGuigan has managed to fashion a fresh, effective superhero adventure (with a small budget of approximately $38 million) complete with an interesting mythology, hinting that additional instalments/spin-offs are to come. As this is a visible attempt to birth a new franchise, plot threads are purposely left without closure, ideas feel underdeveloped, and several possibilities are skimmed over. Unfortunately, while this isn't a screen adaptation of any particular comic book, Push is a Frankenstein's monster - a jumbled collage of narrative clichés supplemented with elements stitched together from various other sources (hints of X-Men and NBC's Heroes are undeniable). Push has inevitably been compared to 2008's Jumper since both movies are clearly designed to be the first chapter in a multi-part saga. Push is similarly flawed of course, but as a whole this is a far more entertaining and satisfying experience.

In the world of Push, an array of humans with abnormal abilities are scattered throughout the general population. These gifted individuals are given single-word titles to describe their skills, ranging from "Movers" (those with telekinesis) to "Watchers" (those who see into the future) to the titular "Pushers" (telepathic individuals). The government are aware of these capabilities, and have set up a department (known as the "Division") to weaponise them. The story takes place in Hong Kong and centres on a Mover named Nick (Evans) who teams up with a Watcher named Cassie (the delightful Fanning) who's trying to free her mother from government custody. Their path intersects with that of Nick's former lover - a high-level Pusher named Kira (Belle) who's being hunted by the Division. Nick, Cassie and Kira (with a few other powerful allies) aim to take down the Division, while a powerful Pusher named Carver (Hounsou) is working to recapture Kira. An Asian group of super-humans are also thrown into the fray.

Director Paul McGuigan provides Push with a frantic pace that keeps the energy level high while also obfuscating the film's logical flaws. ("Screamers" attack using sound, and sound is just air being pushed. Why can't the Movers deflect the sound?) Plot holes and logical flaws only come to light while examining the film in hindsight, and don't majorly effect the average viewer's enjoyment as the story unfolds. To the credit of McGuigan and screenwriter David Bourla, Push is fairly unpredictable, and for that reason it only occasionally drags during the two-hour runtime. With all of the subplots and badly-defined characters, the plotline - in spite of possessing a reasonably simple trajectory - is confusing and doesn't make a lot of sense. Push is unbelievably convoluted - the dense narrative is teeming with unfamiliar terms, unexplained powers and undefined allegiances. The filmmakers should have toned down the intricacy in order to make this action-thriller more palatable.

Though the script is mediocre at best, Push fires on all cylinders in every other aspect. The film plays out in the breathtaking city of Hong Kong, which is a welcome change from the Hollywood tradition of setting every story in Los Angeles or New York. With the film set in this grand Asian city, McGuigan is able to pack the screen with the bright colours of a different culture. The results are magnificent. McGuigan and cinematographer Peter Sova create fine, richly-textured images, allowing a viewer to get lost in the pictures and not worry about the film's convoluted plotline. Interestingly, due to budget constraints and the impossibility of controlling Hong Kong streets, the majority of the film was shot "guerrilla style" - hidden cameras rolled while the actors did their scenes in one take on the crowded streets. As Push was intended to mark the commencement of a new franchise, it concentrates more on the character element, and it's worryingly low on thrills as a result. Happily, however, the action sequences are nonetheless terrific, especially the final battle which functions as a showcase for the characters' super-human abilities. The special effects during these battles are amazing considering the budget McGuigan had to play with.

The lead performances by Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning are solid, and precisely what a feature like this truly needs. Evans, whose prior films include Cellular and Fantastic Four, is fun to watch and manages to bring amiable human qualities to the occasionally ridiculous material. Dakota Fanning, however, is the standout performer here - she owns every frame. Young Ms. Fanning is clearly setting a course for a post-adolescent career, sinking her teeth into her punk-edged role with tremendous zeal. Push is worth seeing for the fact alone that we get to see her drunk at one stage, and toying with firearms on another occasion. Faring less well on the acting front is Camilla Belle, who appears to sleepwalk rather than act. The romance between Evans and Belle is an even bigger miscalculation - the actors share no chemistry whatsoever. Luckily, Dakota is always there to fall back on (she turns up drunk immediately after the typical PG-13 sex scene between the couple).
Djimon Hounsou is a chilling villain. The actor avoids going over-the-top, and his calm, subdued performance is more menacing as a result. The supporting cast includes the always sublime Cliff Curtis in addition to Ming-Na and Nate Mooney, all of whom play sympathetic individuals with powers who support Nick's quest.

There's an ambitious back-story behind Push, and if a sequel materialises the filmmakers will have no difficulty electing new avenues to explore. In fact, this movie is almost too short. Given another 15 or 20 minutes, subjects could have been expanded and ideas could have been better mined. Just like Jumper, there's untapped potential within the concept begging to be delved into.
Thanks to its Hong Kong setting, Push is bestowed a unique personality and frenetic energy. The film may be a jumbled concoction of everything from X-Men to The X-Files to the TV show Heroes, and its story is incomprehensible at times, but it's nevertheless a fun romp. A blah script aside, there's plenty to like about Push - it's a worthy attempt at a new comic book mythology, especially since it wasn't based on any particular comic.

6.3/10

Wrestler-turned-actor John Cena returns to the big screen under the guidance of venerable action director Renny Harlin with 12 Rounds. Enjoyable, brainless and completely pretension-free, this fast-paced action-thriller is fundamentally a mishmash of Die Hard: With a Vengeance and Speed, and it's a blast of pure fun as long as you can suspend your disbelief. Unfortunately, the title star's lack of range as an actor makes Arnold Schwarzenegger seem nuanced by comparison. WWE Wrestler John Cena made his acting debut in 2006's The Marine - a woeful dumb-as-rocks actioner that lacked both style and kinetic energy. One could consider 12 Rounds to be a duplicate of The Marine, but it'd be erroneous to believe such a thing. After all, why would Cena traverse through the same territory twice? In The Marine, Cena played an unstoppable marine whose wife is kidnapped by a bunch of bad guys. And in 12 Rounds, Cena plays an unstoppable police officer whose girlfriend is kidnapped by a bad Irishman. Completely different! Oh, wait...

During the opening moments of the film, New Orleans cop Danny Fisher (Cena) captures Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) - a notorious terrorist and arms dealer. In the process, however, Jackson's girlfriend is killed. One year later, the criminal mastermind escapes from prison with plans to enact his revenge, taunting Danny with a series of twelve challenges which the policeman must successfully complete in order to secure the safe release of his girlfriend (Ashley Scott).

Designed to keep your pulse rate pounding non-stop, this action-packed thrill-ride contains a plot best described as a chess game on speed. With the reliable Renny Harlin at the helm, you should know precisely what you're in for. Harlin delivers an onslaught of booming stunts as well as a watchable protagonist with everyman qualities (ala Die Hard). 12 Rounds makes no apologies about the type of film it is. Rather than attempting to integrate a surplus of exposition, the plot throttles forward at breakneck speed, introducing familiar genre archetypes such as partners, cops, and pain-in-the-ass FBI interference. This is also a stunt-happy picture, and it's refreshing to witness practical effects as opposed to the modern CG-enhanced approach. Structured litigiously like Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Harlin's 12 Rounds rarely stops to breathe and is forever on the hunt for a dilapidated New Orleans location to blow up or to find another way for Danny to evade assured doom.

The titular rounds permit director Harlin the opportunity to concoct a number of compelling action set-pieces, some of which are slightly marred by the frenetic camerawork, the bland dialogue, and the wooden acting. The action usually involves chases and general destruction as Danny attempts to quickly travel from location to location or stop a reckless vehicle. With all the non-stop mayhem, this is the perfect video game movie. As 12 Rounds is an action flick of this current cinematic era, the editing is hyperactive and the camera is pretty shaky. Fortunately and surprisingly, however, Harlin is skilled enough to ensure the cinematography isn't overly distracting. Harlin's direction is extremely slick as well - so slick that the film hurtles between action sequences with boundless energy. Frankly, this is more or less an extended trailer.

12 Rounds sorely lacks intensity, however. The screenplay is overflowing with clichés and cheesy dialogue. It's also predictable from the word 'go'! 12 Rounds is competently shot and edited, but every time Danny's life is in danger it's obvious he'll live through it. The intensity is severely lessened by the docile PG-13 rating in particular. In the Die Hard movies, John McClane (the protagonist) ends up being covered in blood, cuts and bruises during every adventure, not to mention each challenge he faces is nail-biting. In 12 Rounds, Danny faces surprisingly mundane challenges. For amplified intensity the film needed profanity and intense dialogue, of which it has practically none in its current state (everyone seems a tad too calm, delivering flat dialogue). The PG-13 rating also robs the movie of the opportunity to keep an audience entertained with some good old-fashioned exploitation. 12 Rounds is too generic, and because it's a clear hodgepodge of bygone action films it's tough to fully enjoy it despite the fun action set-pieces.

Predictably, this WWE-produced John Cena actioner is incredibly stupid. It's not as bad as The Marine on this front, but there are massive problems with the film's believability. As Danny's set of challenges begin, his house is blown up. First of all, how could anyone plant explosives inside the man's house without anyone noticing? More importantly, a large amount of explosives within one's own home would be easy to spot!
Danny's indestructible tendencies become apparent when he rappels down a high-rise building and is eventually forced to jump, falling several metres onto wooden scaffolding which then collapses. But the man endures no broken bones or scratches. He's even unaffected after copping a bullet in the shoulder! On a bus at one stage a woman is wearing an explosive vest. Even though she's wearing clothes over this vest, it's glaringly obvious she's wearing it...but no-one notices. On this (full) bus it's also pretty silent, and Jackson talks to Danny about the explosive vest in a loud voice. Any bystanders with ears would be able to hear them. But there's no panic...apparently no-one hears them. Everything is normal. During the climax, there's a conveniently-placed swimming pool on the roof of a tall building right below a malfunctioning helicopter containing the hero who's in peril with his girlfriend. Such contrivances are difficult to digest. All things considered, 12 Rounds is a pretty moronic action film.

The film's intensity is further diminished by John Cena's charisma-free acting. His career as a wrestler for the WWE prepared him for roles in which he can take physical punishment, but his acting skills are not up to scratch for the rest of this Die Hard clone. His character's girlfriend has been kidnapped, yet Cena never seems too concerned about the whole situation as his facial expressions are hardly convincing. He's the Jean-Claude Van Damme of the PG-13 generation - an action hero with a bulky physique who's let down by poor vocal authority and the inability to convincingly act. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson lit up the screen with unbelievable chemistry and explosive intensity in Die Hard: With a Vengeance, whereas Cena and those around him are just too dreary. To the wrestler's credit, however, he does remain watchable.
Gillen tries his best to channel Hans Gruber from Die Hard, and the results are somewhat underwhelming. His role of Miles Jackson isn't particularly frightening with messy hair, a wispy beard and a very plain outfit...he's more of a coffeehouse folk singer than a criminal mastermind. And Ashley Scott as Danny's girlfriend is more of a function in this story rather than a flesh-and-blood character.

Back in the early 1990s, 12 Rounds would've been a top-notch, R-rated action movie featuring someone like Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone. In 2009, however, this is just a PG-13 rehash of every action movie of the last decade starring a pseudo action hero. It's pretty much a mosaic of every customary '90s action movie plot element. Smooth-talking Eurotrash villain? Check. Cat-and-mouse game? Check. Kidnapped love interest? Check. Hero precariously hanging off of various vehicles? Check. If you can cope with the shaky camera work, the rapid editing and its derivative nature, 12 Rounds is an entertaining, chest-thumping thrill-ride, particularly if the side of your brain that does all the thinking craves a rest.

5.2/10