Reviews by PvtCaboose91

To begin this review on a clichéd but nonetheless justified note, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (the latest motion picture of Terry Gilliam - best known as a piece of the Monty Python puzzle) has been saddled with an unreasonable burden. The fact that this movie features the final acting performance of the late Heath Ledger (who passed away during filming) will likely throw audiences and critics off the scent. Audiences viewing this movie on account of Ledger (or Johnny Depp, who is given a brief cameo appearance) will walk away disappointed - The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is not a Heath Ledger film; it's a Terry Gilliam picture, meaning that it's a true oddity of a movie as opposed to a mainstream fantasy fare. Gilliam is a filmmaker recognised for creating peculiar cinematic flights of fancy with strange scenarios and trippy dream-like sequences (he was behind Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, etc), so for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus the filmmaker has cooked up an elaborate, fantastical tale of travelling theatre performances, the afflictions of mortality, and a portal (flimsily disguised as a mirror) that ushers you into a world of your dreams.

The titular Dr. Parnassus (Plummer) is a centuries-old showman who travels around contemporary London in a rickety horse-drawn carriage with a troupe of performers resembling a medieval pantomime. Their performance centres on a magic mirror, through which audiences can enter a surreal world that projects their innermost desires. From there, they are faced with a choice: succumb to their baser, more cowardly wishes, or opt to follow their more noble side. But little do Parnassus' actors know that he made a deal with the devil: in exchange for eternal life, Parnassus agrees to give the devil (played by Waits) his first child on her 16th birthday. And that birthday is fast approaching...

Terry Gilliam, it would seem, is a cursed filmmaker - he has suffered some horrendously bad luck during most of his projects. Brazil was recut by Universal, The Man Who Killed Don Quixote was shut down completely after being beset with problems, and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen was dumped by Columbia. When Ledger died in January 2008, it was all too familiar. Gilliam's response to the tragedy was admirable - since the film is split into two worlds, fantasy and reality, and the footage featuring Ledger constituted the "real world" sequences, Gilliam was able to retool the script and hire three additional actors to play Tony (Ledger's character) in the fantasy sections: Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell (all of whom donated their pay to Ledger's daughter). The explanation behind the different appearances of Tony is that in the imaginary world, he becomes a projection of his own, and other people's desires. It's a seamless solution to a terrible setback, and the film as a whole comes across as remarkably cohesive.

A speech delivered by Johnny Depp at one stage appears to pay direct tribute to Ledger - Depp stands beside a river as miniature boats float by which display images of celebrities who died young (like James Dean and Rudolph Valentino). He eulogises them as never growing old or ugly, and explains that they'll survive as "gods" in the mind of the public.
Unlike Ledger's scene-stealing turn in The Dark Knight, his character in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is more low-key, though he's still captivating and full of energy. However Gilliam's film is not exactly the most fitting end to Ledger's career - it's not that he isn't good, but that this is an ensemble piece and he's no more interesting than anyone else around him (he only receives top billing out of sheer courtesy). In fact, there's no sign of Ledger for half an hour until the inescapably morbid sequence when he's found hanging under a bridge. Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell submit perfectly adequate work as the alternative appearances of Tony. To their credit, they all manage to embody the character and it's easy to accept the adjustment (especially if one remembers that in dreams, people often look like somebody else).

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was scripted by Gilliam and Charles McKeown (who worked together previously for Brazil and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen). In many ways, this is a typical Gilliam film - from the style (the use of hallucinatory imagery) to the very Gilliam-esque theme that there's redemption to be found in imagination and dreaming. For this venture, the writer-director is given the limitless capabilities of CGI. Gilliam has produced sumptuous imagery using more old-school effects, and therefore the finest computer-generated moments of this movie are utterly dazzling. The melding together of modern London urbanscapes with the ancient production design of the Parnassus carriage and the CGI wonderlands beyond the mirror is a spectacle of the highest regard.

The fantasyland bursts with pure strangeness; allowing Gilliam the freedom to be his usual self. In fact, there are numerous sequences which feel like old Monty Python animations that have been enhanced with contemporary CGI. Unfortunately, though, for all the extravagant imagery, the film lacks characters to genuinely care about or relate to. A key problem also emerges during the middle section when the emotional core fades and nothing close to a satisfying or workable story emerges. Gilliam may have an eye for enthralling imagery, but he also has a tin ear for dialogue - the characters spout some pretty dull lines from time to time. While some have criticised the story as messy, one simply needs to pay attention - it's a perfectly straightforward narrative presented in an admirably unconventional and unpredictable fashion, and it asks an audience to draw their own conclusions. There's no problem with a movie that asks an audience to engage their brain.

Terry Gilliam remains a fascinating moviemaker with the ability to amaze. Happily, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a spellbinding dosage of classic Gilliam. To lose a leading actor partway through production and have the creative intelligence required to retool the narrative in a way that still makes sense is a testament to Gilliam's artistic tenacity that makes his work so interesting.

7.9/10

Based on the novel by Daniel Carney, The Wild Geese is a classic British action-adventure movie which follows the tried-and-true formula successfully mined in such films as The Dirty Dozen and The Guns of Navarone. It's a remarkable combination of male bonding, military stereotypes, detailed briefings, last-minute snafus, double-crosses and (above all) epic, violent shootouts. Yet this venture is also inherently British, and it's all the better for it.

The plotline is your usual men-on-a-mission tale with a few extra twists. High-powered banker Edward Matherson (Granger) hires a faded mercenary named Allan Faulkner (Burton) to assemble a band of mercenaries to execute an assignment in Africa. Their mission is to rescue imprisoned former African leader Julius Limbani (Ntshona) who's critically ill and due for execution. After the recruits endure a bout of boot camp training, they're dropped into the bush. The mercs are able to pull off their mission without a hitch at first, but then things get ugly...

While the brilliance of The Wild Geese is partly attributable to the high action quotient, the strong characterisations are perhaps the film's most enduring element. In the same vein as The Dirty Dozen, the film takes its time with the characters - prior to the action, an enjoyable collection of scenes are provided which depict the soldiers on their home turf as the determinedly over-the-top Faulkner assembles his team. Reginald Rose's screenplay cleverly varies the motivations of the mercenaries; some are in it to support their high living, while others are aging soldiers seeking one final great adventure. Some believe in the cause, while others simply need the cash to pay rent. This character development capably elicits sympathy for what would otherwise be a pretty unscrupulous bunch of mercenaries. The pace rapidly picks up once the squad are shipped to Africa for training. Tension builds inexorably as the fastidiously laid out plans begin to work far too smoothly. From there, the film alternates between daft but engaging action sequences, and scenes of heavy exposition. Smartly, the script doesn't ignore or condone the inherent moral contradictions of mercenary life. The characters are given the chance to discuss, criticise and defend their chosen profession (and, in one case, racism).

The direction by Andrew V. McLaglen is brilliantly taut; the film only occasionally bogs during the 130-minute runtime. Once The Wild Geese shifts into its third act, the action sequences are frequent and fantastic. Despite the fact that this actioner was made in the 1970s, it manages to rival action set-pieces in contemporary military pictures. Certainly, the gore factor isn't astronomical (à la Saving Private Ryan) but a lot of blood is spilt and the body count is phenomenal. With the assistance of John Glen, McLaglen has created skilful set-pieces; from the tense covert infiltration to the full scale battles. This builds up to the excellent climactic action scene that transcends the conventions of the genre with its gritty nature and the lack of mercy shown towards the film's most amiable characters. All of this is accompanied by the appropriately militaristic themes conjured up by the film's composer Roy Budd. The score suits the movie perfectly during the exciting gunfights, as well as the more emotional moments when subtler cues are employed.

Several of Roger Moore's colleagues (from the James Bond films he starred in) also worked on The Wild Geese: Maurice Binder designed the title sequence, Bob Simmons had a hand in the stunts, Syd Cain took care of production design, and the aforementioned John Glen was both editor and second unit director. The cinematic techniques can be perceived as dated, but at the time they were fairly cutting-edge, and this should be respected. Besides, the filmmaking is not dated to the point that it's distracting. Alas, there are a few problems with this movie - some sloppy dialogue, an overlong runtime, a few contrived endangerment scenarios, and a sense of predictability & unoriginality that can't be eluded throughout the second half.

Another great joy of The Wild Geese is witnessing so many fine British & Irish stars and character actors gathered together in one film. Three acting giants of British cinema took the lead roles here. Heading the list is Richard Burton as the cynical Colonel Faulkner. Expectedly, Burton is superb; dominating the screen at all times and attacking dialogue with great gusto. Richard Harris as Rafar Janders is equally exceptional; he's a remarkable counterpoint to the apparent immorality of Burton's Faulkner, and he's the emotional core of the film. Completing the trio is none other than Sir Roger Moore as Shawn Flynn. Back in 1978, Moore was in the midst of his seven-film run as James Bond, but the actor wisely brings Flynn to life with a much harder edge (as evident with the character's introduction - Flynn forces a drug kingpin to eat heroin laced with strychnine at gunpoint). German actor Hardy Krüger is another fitting addition to the Wild Geese roster in the pivotal role of South African Lt. Pieter Coetze. He submits a remarkable performance.

Interestingly, there's a key indicator of this being a '70s film - the almost complete lack of woman; something which probably would not be allowed by head office in the 21st Century. The top-billed actress of this movie is Rosalind Lloyd (producer Euan Lloyd's daughter) in a two-scene role as a croupier in love with Shawn Flynn.

The Wild Geese is a classic slice of '70s action-adventure, with a cast of UK movie legends, some memorable dialogue and a plethora of spectacular action set-pieces. When you're in the mood for a high-calibre, top-notch Brit action film, you can't do better than this. As the saying goes; "They don't make 'em like this anymore!"

7.8/10

Speaking from a thematic perspective, Moon is the sci-fi masterpiece that The Island could have been had Michael Bay not opted to turn it into a brainless action extravaganza. In many ways, Moon (the directorial debut of Duncan Jones - otherwise known as David Bowie's son) is an affectionate throwback to an age of classic, cerebral sci-fi motion pictures (such as 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Runner); it's invested in areas of storytelling patience and hefty psychological investigation rarely explored in an era of Star Trek and Transformers. It's instead a simple story rich in ideas that explores several areas familiar to sci-fi fans: the concept of artificial intelligence, where bioethics is heading, and whether prolonged isolation can cause psychosis.

Moon kicks off with an advertisement for Lunar Industries: Earth's #1 provider of clean energy. This energy comes in the form of a radioactive isotope which is mined on the moon. Sam Bell (Rockwell) is the sole employee at the company's base on the dark side of the moon where he is responsible for supervision and routine maintenance of the mining equipment. As the film opens, Sam is nearing the end of his three-year contract. Due to a mechanical failure, there is no direct link between the lunar station and Earth; Sam can only send and receive recorded messages in order to communicate with his wife, daughter and bosses. An intelligent computer called GERTY (voiced by Spacey) provides Sam's only form of direct communication. But with only very little human interaction, and all of it indirect, he feels that three years is far too long to be isolated. Soon enough, Sam makes a series of discoveries that alter his understanding of his job, his life, the universe, and everything.

The less said about the meatier parts of the plot, the better. Without divulging spoilers, Moon eventually transforms into a morality tale that questions the notion of what's real and what isn't; what it means to be alive and what it means to be human. These questions propel the film towards an unsettling third act which suggests what might happen to humankind if certain technologies were fuelled by corporate greed. More importantly, as the questions pile up, the tension slowly and methodically builds...even after Sam unearths his most shocking discovery. Like Sam, a viewer will spend most of the latter half of Moon attempting to figure out what exactly is going on.

Moon exhibits a lucid influence by Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, and the nods are both frequent and uncamouflaged. Certain shots recall 2001, there's an effects sequence set to a piece of classical music, and there's the computer GERTY; a virtual clone of HAL (the nuances and intonations of Kevin Spacey's vocal performance even seem visibly influenced by Douglas Rain's voicework for 2001). For emotions, GERTY displays a smiley face that turns into a frowny face or even a crying face every so often, like the cheapest special effect the filmmakers could conceive of. But it works - and this is one of the many examples of the filmmakers' ability to make the most of their meagre budget. To create a science fiction movie with only $5 million would be difficult, yet Jones pulls it off with aplomb. Moon doesn't feature groundbreaking CGI, but it nevertheless remains enthralling from a visual standpoint. An incredibly believable lunar landscape has been constructed - and when the action shifts to the surface of the moon, there's a flawless blend of practical effects and subtle CGI. Sam's living quarters possess a familiar futuristic design that's bestowed with a realistic, lived-in quality almost foreign to this brand of sci-fi (notice, for instance, how filthy GERTY is, and that the areas Sam inhabits seem worn). Sedate camerawork courtesy of cinematographer Gary Shaw as well as Clint Mansell's transcendent, utterly haunting piano score also compound the sense of unearthly isolation.

Director Duncan Jones (formerly known as Zowie Bowie - yeah, I'd have changed my name too) has previously directed commercials. This is his first feature film and it's a promising one. For a film debut, Moon is a surprisingly ambitious effort since sci-fi is a route rarely taken by neophyte directors tackling projects without a huge budget or studio backing. By addressing intimate subject matter and keeping the film's setting mostly within the confines of the moon-base, however, Jones is freed from a majority of the warped conventions that typically define mainstream science fiction. Moon is not Star Wars-inspired space opera; it is provocative, intelligent stuff that takes the elements of "science" in science fiction seriously. If there's a flaw, it's that the film wants to say more than it has time to. In a 90-minute timeframe, the film attempts to make comments about corporate greed, the human mind, the consciousness of technology and other human advances which can't be discussed without heading into Spoiler Land. While these notes are hit well, the film tends to hit them too fast, leaving an audience to contemplate and realise it all only after they've finished watching it. Important plot points are revealed in the blink of an eye as well, and while you attempt to put it all together, the story progresses on-screen.

A terrific performance submitted by Sam Rockwell keeps a viewer caring throughout the narrative. Because there are virtually no other human characters in the film, much of the success of Moon rested solely on the shoulders of Rockwell. And it works! Rockwell (a character actor who has featured in such recent films as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Matchstick Men, but has not yet managed to break through into genuine Hollywood stardom) deserves to be an Oscar contender given the weight of the material he manages to nail here - the actor delivers an affecting and credible portrayal of a loner who yearns for home, with later plot developments allowing him to show different facets of the role. Not only does Rockwell keep an audience rapt (much like Tom Hanks did for much of Cast Away), but he also puts a human face on some hefty themes.

While Moon begins like a hodgepodge of various other sci-fi flicks, director Jones and screenwriter Nathan Parker are able to breathe new life into these familiar elements; creating something unique, fresh, mesmerising and exhilarating. The conclusion is perhaps a bit too tidy, but it gives the story a sense of narrative resolution while also suggesting that larger issues are a long way from being resolved.

Moon is truly a contemporary horror movie which eschews a wearisome slasher mentality to explore the nature of identity and the perversion of human life through scientific advances and corporate skulduggery. It asks proper, stimulating questions without being cold, aloof, pretentious or even remotely boring. And it works as all the best sci-fi does - by employing special effects to complement a genuine, thought-provoking human narrative. It's not that there's anything wrong with escapist entertainment like Star Trek, but Moon is closer to the expectations of die-hards when they hear the term "sci-fi". It's very different from glossy sci-fi blockbusters - and far more satisfying.

8.8/10

For a time during the 1980s, Arnold Schwarzenegger ruled Hollywood. He was the ultimate action hero, and it did not matter that he was a one-dimensional actor who favoured snappy one-liners and blood-soaked action over Oscar-worthy dialogue and profound emotion. From Conan the Barbarian to The Terminator and Commando, the iconic "Ah-nuld" was a force of star power to be reckoned with, and movie-goers flocked to his movies in droves. 1987's Predator is the perfect '80s movie, amalgamating the decade's three most popular genres: action-adventure, horror, and science fiction - and it is a Schwarzenegger flick to boot. These ingredients form this entertaining brew of violent action, over-the-top macho posturing and ridiculously quotable dialogue, and it is all set at a breakneck pace. Predator arguably remains the manliest movie in existence.

At its most basic narrative level, Predator is a standard men-on-a-mission movie like The Wild Geese or The Dirty Dozen, but with added horror and sci-fi flourishes. Dutch Schaefer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his battle-hardened squad of elite commandos accept a mission from the CIA to rescue a group of political hostages from guerrillas in the remote jungles of Central America. The assignment seems simple enough, but shortly after rappelling into enemy territory, Dutch and his team feel something is not quite right. Not only have they been set up by the CIA, who actually want them to recover military intelligence, but there is also something lurking in the jungle...an extraterrestrial, technologically advanced creature watching their every move. As the men make their way to the extraction point, the mysterious Predator begins targeting them one by one.

The fact that the Predator never gives a reason for its presence on Earth makes its hunting game far more ruthless. Moreover, this creature has no voice, and the men cannot reason with it - it is a hunter, pure and simple, and it slaughters the commandos for sport. Unsurprisingly, since screenwriters Jim and John Thomas wanted to cross Rocky with E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial, the movie eventually boils down to a mano-a-mano standoff between Schwarzenegger and the Predator, with the stakes becoming equal when Dutch discovers a way to appear invisible to his opponent's thermal imaging vision. At this point, Predator announces its affinity for all things primal as Dutch reaches deep inside himself and becomes a primordial warrior stripped of all guns, equipment, and armour. The battle between Dutch and the Predator is exhilarating, with a palpable sense of danger seldom felt in a regular Arnie movie. The superstar is more vulnerable while fighting this strong, otherworldly entity, creating tension since it is unclear whether or not Dutch can survive.

A huge part of what makes Predator such a top-shelf action flick is that it never stops charging ahead. No sprawling back-stories, rambling chunks of exposition or gratuitous narrative distractions ever bog down the uncomplicated plot. However, it is easy to become invested in what occurs because Dutch and his commandos have a hell of a lot of personality, and the screenplay allows the characters to flourish and light up the screen. The lulls in the action are always filled with something: mistrust, pig-sticking, pussy jokes, the nagging sense that something is not quite right, intense character interaction, and more. As a result, the pace never has the chance to drag. On top of this, Predator is one of the most quotable films in history, on pair with Arnie's Commando - "If it bleeds, we can kill it"; "Get to the choppaaaah!"; "I ain't got time to bleed"; "You're one ugly motherfucker"...the list could keep going, but you get the idea.

With its thrilling, high-octane mix of Rambo and Aliens, Predator is a masterpiece in every sense of the word, delivering plenty of energetic action and enough testosterone and machismo to float an entire island of elephants. It is cheesy as hell, of course, and the visual effects are slightly dated, but it is also entertaining and cool as hell, with tonnes of quotable lines and an utterly unforgettable villain. Predator is an action-adventure movie with something for everyone, and it is a seminal jewel in Arnie's esteemed career.

10/10

It'd be reasonable to dive straight into the crucial problem with Hot Rod - the filmmakers behind it attempted to expand a one-joke premise (the type that might have worked in a Saturday Night Live short) into a feature-length motion picture. The product is a 10-minute gem stretched out to a lazy 85-minute goof which can't even begin to sustain its wafer-thin premise over the comparatively bloated runtime. The sporadic flashes of inspiration and a few funny moments are overwhelmed by a lot of aimless noodling around and silly pratfalls in lieu of genuine wit and cleverness. While this was intended to be a lovable loser comedy, Hot Rod comes across as a product assembled with an Allen key designed for quick sale that was made to cash in on the likes of Napoleon Dynamite and Anchorman. The leading role was originally written for Will Ferrell, and the antics of Andy Samberg in the film are quite derivative of cinema's leading Man-Child. This is Samberg's feature film debut, but while he's a performer of sizeable energy, his range of laugh impact is limited.

The story, such as it is, centres on a self-proclaimed stuntman named Rod Kimble (Samberg). Rod was raised to believe his now deceased biological father was Evel Knievel's test rider, and he dreams of one day being able to defeat his step-father Frank (McShane) in a fight. When Frank is in urgent need of a heart transplant, Rod decides to raise $50,000 for the operation by staging a stunt that's worthy of Evel Knievel: jumping 15 buses (one more than Knievel ever dared). Supported by his loyal crew - younger half-brother Kevin (Taccone), friends Dave (Hader) and Rico (McBride), as well as Denise (Fisher) who lives next door - Rod begins to plan his big jump so he can keep Frank alive and finally kick his ass.

It would appear that Samberg, screenwriter Pam Brady and director Akiva Schaffer put together a literal checklist for each scene in order to maximise the comic potential. Funny shirts? Got it. Funny hair? Check. Funny words and/or pronunciation? Uh huh. Funny song? Yes indeedy. The problem with the gags in Hot Rod, though, is that the "funny" is relative - which means it's funny to see a mate of yours engaged in these antics because you know their personality. Unfortunately without the benefit of this perspective, the goofs are sometimes amusing, but more often less so, and the film comes across as more of a self-indulgent series of skits. It seems that the filmmakers also have a real familiarity and affection for '80s movie conventions. In particular, Hot Rod employs the increasingly clichéd framework of John Hughes films/teen coming-of-age stories as a backdrop for the series of disconnected gags. This framework necessitates a competitor for Denise's affection, a second act revelation about Rod's father that shatters his confidence, and a final, triumphant slow-motion middle-of-the-street march that leads to his redemptive jump attempt.

The fact that the crew behind Hot Rod are Saturday Night Live alumni would explain why the movie feels like an extended skit. Rather than aiming for honest laughs through clever writing or carefully nurtured comedic set-pieces, the filmmakers opt for a veritable salad of movie references, bone-crunching pratfalls, flat-out silliness and pointless comic digressions. The sequences in which Rod's ill-advised stabs at stunt-work result in him being bashed, burned and nearly drowned may be amusing when witnessed in two-minute chunks on YouTube, but seeing then running one after the other for close to 90 minutes grows tedious. Rod is a dolt who ends up failing and getting hurt not due to bad luck or an inability to judge his abilities and shortcomings - it's because he's an idiot. This could have worked if he was an endearing idiot, but he's no Will Ferrell or Inspector Clouseau. Granted, Hot Rod does supply a few laughs. Then again, it's not hard to laugh at brutal pratfalls (the producers of Jackass made millions off that premise). But one can only laugh at Rod's missteps and poor stunts a few times before they're just no longer funny. Furthermore, the punch lines are incredibly predictable. While training for the big jump, Rod asks his friends to hold him underwater for a period of time to strengthen his lungs. You can easily predict what's going to happen...

There's no doubt the guys behind Hot Rod can be funny. However the dynamics (specifically in concept, timing and execution) that work for a short comedy sketch don't translate into success for a cohesive feature film. It's for this reason that isolated bits and pieces of the film are funny, but if taken as a whole it fails to gel. Even then, the film doesn't necessitate repeated viewings and after seeing it once it loses much of the comedic punch it originally packed. At the very least, Hot Rod is a breezy farce and a fun watch that's fairly easy to enjoy, and it also manages to provide an answer to the eternal question: who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?

4.9/10

At its most basic level, Eraser is a shameless Arnie movie - another member the action movie subgenre wherein the Austrian Oak smirks, munches on cigars and dispatches several battalions of nameless extras. It's loud, violent, sporadically funny and overflowing with action set-pieces and nifty weaponry. The only thing Eraser lacks is a spin - at the end of the day, it's just a fairly undistinguishable Arnold Schwarzenegger film. This is not a particularly bad thing, however, since it's therefore able to forgo all pretensions in order to revel in the fun, over-the-top action sequences. The final result is flawed but undeniably enjoyable.

The Schwarzenegger role in Eraser is U.S. Marshal John Kruger. He works with the witness protection program as an "eraser", which basically means that, as a protective measure, he "erases" the identities of the witnesses he's assigned to protect. As to be expected from an Arnie film, Kruger is considered to be the best in his line of work. His latest assignment is Lee Cullen; a top ranking executive for Cyrez Corporation (a U.S. weapons manufacturer) who uncovers evidence of a political plot to put a new super-weapon in the hands of an American enemy. But Cullen and Kruger soon discover that the level of treason extends past the Cyrez Corporation and into high levels of government.

The plot is expectedly thin stuff; an excuse to tie together rip-roaring action scenes. The action ranges from sensational to downright silly. Director Charles Russell (The Mask, Nightmare on Elm Street 3) capably shapes the story and paces the movie. The script is moderately well-structured, and wonderfully seasoned with Schwarzeneggerisms. Eraser is also another attempt at a "high tech" action flick (in the mould of Mission: Impossible and Hackers) - that is, it's a collection of the usual explosions and shootouts which are placed within a plot that involves all types of electronic gadgetry. Not much attention is paid to whether the science is feasible...but if it looks and sounds awesome, why not utilise it? While Eraser is standard stuff, there are some fun variations - mainly in the fact that many of the gunfights feature weapons which can shoot through walls (with an x-ray sight to boot).

So with explosions, stunts, nifty guns and "Ah-nuld", what else could you ask for? Well, a fresher script - the whole enterprise is hampered by a "been there, done that" feel. The much-worked-over screenplay (credited to Tony Puryear and Walon Green) sorely needed more work, particularly in the character department. The characters are utterly generic - Kruger is totally unstoppable (even after being stabbed and shot) and lacks any dimension, while Cullen is nothing more than a stereotypical, forgettable damsel in distress who does barely anything to further the plot, and Deguerin is a standard issue bad guy (with Caan using every hammy mannerism possible to sell what amounts to a third-rate James Bond villain). However, to the credit of the screenwriters, some of the more painful action movie standbys are avoided - the male & female leads do not fall in love, and (happily) they aren't always at each other's throats. That said, there are countless other problems with Eraser. It simply runs out of steam halfway through; having offered up its most spectacular set-pieces long before the lengthy 120-minute picture nears its climax. Even some of the best scenes are marred by dated CGI, which is especially disappointing considering that the budget could have paid for a small African nation.

There's a reason why Arnie kicking ass has become part of movie culture...it's awesome fun!! Eraser should hearten Schwarzenegger fans who disliked his ventures beyond the action realm (for instance the bloated parody Last Action Hero, and the comedy Junior). This is Ah-nuld at his muscle-bound, gun-toting best: mowing down bad guys without taking much of a breather. He does little more than walk through the ostensibly tailor-made role of John Kruger, but the big man is one hell of an amazing screen presence, and he can still deliver snappy one-liners with assurance (such as the iconic line "You're luggage" which he utters after shooting an alligator). Thankfully, Arnie has been surrounded by a more than satisfactory supporting cast. The acting is extremely passable, especially from Robert Pastorelli who seems to be having an absolute blast in the Joe Pesci-type sidekick role.

All in all, Eraser is pretty standard-issue Arnold Schwarzenegger, and a perfectly adequate time filler. It's hardly original, but with Arnie and some spectacular set-pieces, this is a thrilling ride. Just don't expect to remember much about the film five minutes after you finish watching it.

6.2/10

Released immediately after The Terminator and Commando, 1986's Raw Deal is a straightforward Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle which was designed to exploit the star's new image as an unstoppable one-man army. Films like these aren't generally well received (as exemplified by the generally poor reviews it endured), but this reviewer had no problem enjoying the hell out of it - especially since it features "Ah-nuld" at the pinnacle of his career. However, while enjoyable, Raw Deal is admittedly nothing more than a run-of-the-mill action flick; a lightweight spar through the rule-breaking cop conventions without a skerrick of narrative originality.

In the film, the Austrian Oak stars as Mark Kaminsky. He's a former FBI agent (ejected from the bureau for heavy treatment of a lowlife suspect) who has become forced to suffer the indignity of a job as a sheriff in a small town. When one of Kaminsky's old pals from the FBI (Darren McGavin) contacts him with an opportunity for reinstatement, he jumps at the chance. His assignment: to infiltrate a Chicago Mafia family and destroy it.

There are a bunch of terrific action moments scattered generously throughout Raw Deal; building to the mega adrenaline rush of a climax. For the final act, Schwarzenegger's character basically gets fed up, decides to lock & load, and prompts an '80s arming up montage (reminiscent of Commando). First order of business: to drive around a gravel pit dispatching as many villains as possible to the tune of the Rolling Stones' Satisfaction. Second order of business: take out the entire Chicago mob using a ridiculous amount of firepower. Believable? Not at all. Fun? Fuck yes! The climax can easily be considered moronic since Schwarzenegger is invincible and unshootable, but this is exactly what an '80s audience expected of the Austrian Oak - he was an invulnerable killer like no other. Arnie also gets plenty of corny one-liners to disperse here, such as the classic line "You should not drink and bake."

Raw Deal plays out as if the filmmakers decided upon the action set-pieces first before conceiving a suitable story to justify them all. A standard mob infiltration plotline is on offer here, complemented with the usual subplot of the former FBI agent wanting to get back on the force. Generally speaking, the police thriller genre is not well suited for '80s Schwarzenegger carnage. The committee of screenwriters, along with director John Irvin seem aware of this fact until the final showdown when the film transforms from police thriller to outright '80s actioner. Whether the climax will satisfy depends entirely on your expectations - it's undeniably fun watching Schwarzenegger dish out the trademark goods, but others may be disappointed that the action compromises an otherwise serious, more drama-oriented film.

There are tonnes of flaws to point out in Raw Deal; a surplus of cheesy moments which hinder the film's fun value (such as the dreadful final scene), a lingering sense of predictability, very little in the way of originality, and there isn't as much action as one would expect considering its origins as a Schwarzenegger action vehicle. Subplots and periphery characters are mostly shoved aside in favour of keeping things as stripped-down and simple as possible (for instance Kaminsky's wife shows up during the first 20 minutes, and then disappears completely). At least the performances are adequate thanks to an ideal cast. Robert Davi in particular delivers a rock-solid performance; supported by passable acting courtesy of Sam Wanamaker as a crime boss and Kathryn Harold as the love interest of the picture. Arnie admittedly pales in comparison to these performers whenever he's given dialogue to deliver, but he's still infinitely more watchable and charismatic than, say, Van Damme or Steven Seagal. And, naturally, his screen presence is unbelievably awesome.

To be honest, I miss movies like Raw Deal. You know, old-school '80s action fodder starring a muscle-clad performer such as Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Despite flaws, this is an easy film to enjoy with its numerous action rampages and a high level of pure machismo. Raw Deal may not be a good movie, but it never pretends to be. It's enjoyable and mindless - a film best enjoyed with a bunch of friends, plenty of beer, a pizza, and (most importantly) an uncritical attitude.

6.0/10

Schwarzenegger plays Colonel John Matrix (complying with the First Law of '80s Action Movies, this is one awesome name), a retired special ops soldier now living in a secluded cabin with his daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano). Matrix believes his old life of violence, gunfire and post-mortem one-liners is over, but a former dictator is unwilling to let him retire in peace. This dictator is Arius (Dan Hedaya), who enlists the help of a psychotic soldier named Bennett (Vernon Wells), who was once part of Matrix's unit, to enact a plan to regain power in the third-world hellhole of Val Verde. They wish for Matrix to do their bidding and assassinate the country's president, and they kidnap Jenny to convince him to comply with their instructions. But there's one thing they forgot: nobody fucks with John Matrix.

Although screenwriter Jeph Loeb originally envisioned Commando as the story of a former Israeli soldier who had renounced violence (with Kiss lead singer Gene Simmons intended to play the character), Steven E. de Souza drastically reworked the script to specifically tailor the movie for Schwarzenegger, a rising star at the time. See, new 20th Century Fox head Barry Diller was desperate to put Schwarzenegger as the lead in one of their movies, prematurely setting a release date, allocating a $12 million budget, and ordering writers to spool through oodles of unproduced screenplays to find the most suitable candidate for the muscular behemoth, wanting to start production immediately. Sensing potential in Commando, de Souza was hired to transform the premise into a goofy, gloriously violent action extravaganza in as little time as possible, with the studio commencing set construction before the script was even remotely finished. Plus, with the filmmakers wanting to compete with the incredibly successful Rambo: First Blood Part II, the body count for the climax dramatically increased during filming, with Arius's security detail growing exponentially. Does it make sense for the incompetent dictator to have so many loyal soldiers? Nope. Does it matter? Fuck no!

Commando works on almost every level, but the script makes it such a gem. Classic one-liners include "Let off some steam, Bennett" (after Matrix impales Bennett with a steam pipe), "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now I'm very hungry" and the classic "I let him go" (after dropping a poor bloke off a cliff). Matrix can also smell enemies coming, and he informs a plane stewardess that his deceased 'friend' (whose neck he just broke) is "dead tired." Gold. Pure gold. These are just some of the many one-liners, puns and badass phrases that characters utter throughout the film, making the consciously cheesy dialogue second in volume to the number of bullets fired during the comparatively scant 90-minute runtime. Speaking of the bullets, the action scenes are a hoot, with Lester showing his unmatched talent for staging enjoyable shootouts and set pieces. The Director's Cut also restores a few violent action beats that should never have been trimmed in the first place. Additionally, Commando has a recognisable visual wit, with its iconic arming-up montage on the beach that is guaranteed to bring a smirk to your face. The original script's climactic fight between Matrix and Bennett involved speedboats, landmines and Naval gunnery ships firing artillery, but with money running out after Matrix killed over a hundred pissant soldiers (in the same mansion where the climax for Beverly Hills Cop was filmed), the memorable skirmish ended up taking place in a basement. Bennett's madness reaches a hilarious fever pitch during this sequence, even announcing, "I'm going to shoot you between the balls!"

The acting is spot-on right across the board. Schwarzenegger is enormously likeable and funny, and he is a tremendous physical presence with his gigantic muscles. Arnie reportedly performed nearly all of his own stunts (including jumping through windows, doing gruelling fights, and hanging onto a plane's landing gear as it travelled at 65 miles per hour), and the price was merely a dislocated shoulder and some stitches...what a guy. Commando is the movie that created Schwarzenegger's action movie persona, establishing him as a wisecracking one-man army. At the time of this movie's release in 1985, audiences knew the bodybuilder and former Mr. Universe as a futuristic cyborg and a loin-cloth-clad ancient warrior, not an action hero. He had already uttered the immortal "I'll be back," and Commando promptly announces its self-aware silliness when Arnie exclaims, "I'll be back, Bennett!" as the villains drop him at the airport.

Australian actor Vernon Wells delivers a classic performance as the flamboyant, chainmail-wearing Bennett. The actor was fresh from Mad Max 2 and Weird Science when he stepped into the role, and he is right at home with the goofy material. The banter between Wells and Arnie is downright iconic. Meanwhile, as the token female, Rae Dawn Chong confidently fulfils her duties, while Milano is easily likeable as Matrix's daughter. Plus, Dan Hedaya, who was starring in the sitcom Cheers at the time, makes for an effective, if not exactly sinister, villain. Even Bill Duke has a small but memorable role as a former Green Beret who works for Arius, and the ensuing fight scene with Matrix - complete with them breaking through a wall and interrupting a couple during an intimate moment - is one for the ages. Another unforgettable addition to the cast is David Patrick Kelly as the sneering Sully, who ends up deeply regretting the things he says to Matrix.

De Souza's screenplay is pitch-perfect, Lester's direction is immaculate, Matthew F. Leonetti's cinematography is beautiful, the editing is sharp, and the score by James Horner is one of the coolest you will ever hear, giving even more power to the film's distinct visual style. Commando is a guilty pleasure, and it is a very well-made and deliriously entertaining one. The action genre reached its pinnacle in 1985 with this picture, and no other movie has been able to nail this immaculate combination of violence, awesome one-liners and absurdity like this vintage Arnie vehicle. Flicks like this are also an endangered species due to the contemporary evolution of the genre necessitated by dismissive critics. With action movies becoming increasingly more complex with fewer action set pieces, Commando is a reminder of a simpler era of moviemaking. Sure, it is a dumb movie, but those who deride it with such harsh words are not approaching the film in the intended spirit. Unfortunately, a planned sequel never materialised despite de Souza writing a draft and Frank Darabont doing revisions on it. However, the script is available online, and it is a highly recommended read.

Do not believe the snobby, self-important film connoisseurs who claim that Citizen Kane is the best and most essential film ever - Commando is the film you MUST see!!!

I love this movie. I love it with an unhealthy obsession.

10/10

Every review of Observe and Report will most likely mention Paul Blart: Mall Cop at some stage. The connection between these movies is understandable since both were released during 2009 and both provided satirical portrayals of mall cops. But while Paul Blart was a genial, good-natured, family-friendly story of a blue-collar schlub, Observe and Report is dark, demented, twisted, perverse and absolutely not for a family audience. Logically, one would think that R-rated content would afford an edge which was sorely missing from the bland Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but Observe and Report is merely smutty for the sake of smut, and it's a far worse film than its PG-rated counterpart. A note to filmmakers: movies about mall cops are destined to fail.

Observe and Report concerns Ronnie Barnhardt (Rogen); a shopping mall security guard who, at the beginning of the movie, makes it his duty to catch a flasher who has been exposing his privates to females in the vicinity. Above all, Ronnie is determined to protect vacuous, slutty make-up counter girl Brandi (Faris). Meanwhile, he barely gives the time of day to a temporarily disabled and good-natured coffee vendor (Wolfe) who takes a romantic shine to the mall cop. With Ronnie obsessively hunting the flasher and desperate to join the police force, he embarks on a campaign of terror...this leads to a date-rape (he has sex with an almost unconscious Brandi who's drunk and vomiting), smashing local kids over the head with their own skateboards, labelling an Asian mall worker 'Saddam Hussein', and some excessively violent - and pointless - showdowns with cops & villains.

Ronnie is a mere clod. How he managed to get the job as a security guard, let alone head of security, is mystifying considering his many psychological difficulties. Ronnie's answer to any problem is to yell, curse, punch or shoot (occasionally at the same time). A number of scenes involve the mall cop attacking people or attempting to single-handedly defeat a horde of police officers in almost surrealistic scenes of obnoxiously unfunny ultra-violence. How the filmmakers thought this Neanderthal was humorous is a mystery. Worse, writer-director Jody Hill made an absolute howler of a decision to position Ronnie as the hapless hero of the hour who gains respect from mall workers and the police force through indefensible actions, which an audience is encouraged to laugh at and enjoy rather than justifiably abhor.

This could have been all well and good, if only the film was genuinely funny. Observe and Report dishes out black comedy and gross-out humour...only without the comedy or humour. At one stage in the movie, Ronnie is being told that he was unsuccessful at getting a job as a police officer. As it turns out, a number of people were listening in as Ronnie received the news. One of these people soon enters the room and proclaims "I thought this was going to be funny, but actually it's just really sad". I can't think of any better words I could use to describe this movie...

It's difficult to tell what kind of comedy that writer-director Hill was aiming for. Observe and Report is a dark, witless dark comedy that appears to confuse acts of violence, racism and rape for humour. Hill also relies heavily on foul language and gratuitous nudity to get a rise out of the audience. Black, subversive and politically incorrect humour can be brilliant in capable hands and with the right purpose (like the brilliant Bad Santa), but here it's offensively bereft of any wit and, at the end of the day, simply unpleasant. Throughout the film's running time, it's hard to tell whether you should laugh or cringe in discomfort. The only positives of this flick are surface-level stuff - the crisp, slick cinematography admittedly makes the film easier to watch, and the film has been assembled skilfully.

Seth Rogen is completely incapable of making Ronnie likeable or even a character to sympathise with. Rogen is usually recognised for his amiable, witty slacker persona, but all of these characteristics are quickly lost amid the wreckage of such an appalling character. Meanwhile Anna Faris is at her one-note limit. Faris is usually likeable in the roles she plays, but there's very little reason to care about her in Observe and Report - she's a drunken bimbo without a shred of self-respect. Ray Liotta is also on hand as a cop who rather bitterly hates Ronnie (at least one character in this cinematic atrocity has a brain), while Michael Peña appears to sleepwalk throughout the film as one of Ronnie's co-workers. Collette Wolfe is the only cast member whose acting is truly heartfelt. She's one of the film's limited bright spots.

It's crucial to note that the creators of Observe and Report didn't set out to emulate Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and the makers of both movies even shared information with each other to make sure they weren't stepping on each other's toes. So why is it, then, that Observe and Report truly is just a version of Paul Blart: Mall Cop for adults? In Observe and Report, Ronnie is useless and pudgy (like Paul Blart: Mall Cop), lives with his supportive mother (like Paul Blart), takes his job far too seriously (like Paul Blart), has a condition which requires medication (like Paul Blart), has a crush on a worker at the mall (like Paul Blart), and dreams of firing a gun (like Paul Blart) but can't actually have a gun (like Paul Blart). There's a crime happening in the mall (like Paul Blart) and solving it will be Ronnie's redemption (like Paul Blart), and even though everyone will laugh at him along the way (like in Paul Blart) he won't give up (like Paul Blart: Mall Cop)...

Observe and Report grows increasingly bleak and ludicrous as time drags on until it ends on a sentimental yet still vulgar note. The climactic chase sequence features an obese, overcoat-wearing flasher running through the mall with the camera fixated on his grotesque equipment for what feels like hours instead of minutes...the fact that several minutes are spent observing his penis in slow motion just about sums up the flaccid quality of this lazy, awful motion picture. Observe and Report possesses all the earmarks of a low-budget indie product trying too self-consciously to be cute, coy, clever, unconventional and groundbreaking.

2.7/10

For Whip It, first-time director Drew Barrymore has crafted a sports flick and a coming-of-age tale rolled together to produce a warm, droll charmer of a motion picture. Shauna Cross wrote the screenplay for the film, which was adapted from her own novel Derby Girl: a fictional story constructed using anecdotes from the author's time spent in the professional female roller derby. While Whip It succumbs to several screenwriting conventions, the energy of Barrymore's direction is able to compensate for the script sputtering, and the actors all breathe jubilant life into this adamantly character-driven film.

The story concerns Texas-based teenager Bliss Cavendar (Page) who resides in the small, dead-end town of Bodeen. She has fallen victim to the narcissistic and nepotistic desires of her mother (Harden) who clings to the glory days of her beauty queen past by forcing Bliss to endure the same type of ritualistic torture. Bored and desperate to escape the tedium of her life, Bliss sneaks out to the roller derby one night where she swoons over the female players with their retro outfits, gaudy make-up and awesomely ludicrous nicknames (Maggie Mayhem, Bloody Holly, Smashly Simpson, etc). From there, Bliss begins training to join the down-and-out Hurl Scouts; the perennial losers of the Austin-based roller derby league. Her speed makes her a standout at the tryouts, and she soon becomes Babe Ruthless - the league's new star.

Since Whip It is a sports movie, everything comes down to the championship at the end. Happily, everything culminates with a humdinger of a climax - a nail-biting showdown infused with cheer-provoking moments and honest-to-goodness tension.

In terms of both teen drama and sports movies, Whip It adheres to a customary formula: girl hates the life she's been forced into, finds something she loves, lies to get it, but must reconcile with that lie in order to truly succeed. During the cliché-heavy narrative Bliss also makes real friends, has her first romance, has a falling out with her best friend, and her parents eventually find out about her extracurricular activities. Additionally, Whip It holds true to the time-worn sports movie convention of an inept team that goes all the way with the addition of a new superstar. But it's only when a movie is limply done that you can virtually hear the gears of its formula grinding into place. When a film is bursting with gusto, heart and charm, however, one can gladly enjoy the experience without being too bothered by the clichés. Fortunately, Whip It falls into the latter camp - director Barrymore and writer Cross have stumbled upon a fresh setting for the formula, and the movie only feels like a retread in hindsight. Best of all, the progression of events feel natural as opposed to contrived - it feels like a naturalistic, non-Hollywood depiction of the monotonous life of a young female.

Unfortunately, the comedy is frequently muted (probably by intention - it wasn't supposed to be a riot); offering only the occasional chuckle but not much else. With Whip It running at almost two hours, a trim would have been beneficial - as would a few more laughs. But Drew Barrymore does deserve credit for her first effort as a director. Having featured in movies since she was a small child, Barrymore has learned from the best (most notably E.T. mentor Steven Spielberg). She acquits herself particularly well during the roller derby scenes; collaborating with cinematographer Robert Yeoman to craft some exciting and fun set-pieces (on top of this, as Roger Ebert noted, Barrymore's supporting role savvily puts her in the position of not asking anything of the actors that she doesn't do herself). Though Barrymore isn't perfectly assured (there are sluggish patches, and not all of the derby sequences are as dynamic as they could be) she hits most of the marks she strived for.

Ellen Page is rapidly becoming one of the finest actors of her generation, and this movie offers further proof of her immense range. Page has received a bit of a rap for ostensibly playing every role the same, but anyone who has witnessed her heartbreaking turn in An American Crime or her gripping performance in Hard Candy knows better. In Whip It, her role of Bliss is a good choice - shy, weary, frightened and unsure of herself. Page submits a dialled down, heartfelt performance, with little reliance on Juno-style dialogue. The rest of the cast offer brilliant support. There are effective performances courtesy of Andrew Wilson (who brings great humour and charm to the role of the Hurl Scout's long-suffering coach), Marcia Gay Harden (who's exceptionally nuanced as the pageant mum) and Daniel Stern (solid as Bliss' supportive father). As for Bliss' team-members, there's Kristen Wiig who's down-to-earth as the captain, as well as Barrymore herself playing the resident badass, and stuntwoman Zoë Bell (previously seen in Tarantino's Death Proof) among others.

Pacing issues, a myriad of clichés and too few laughs notwithstanding, Whip It is a tremendously enjoyable flick. It's a promising debut for Barrymore behind the camera - a slice of heartfelt, feel-good entertainment.

7.5/10