Reviews by PvtCaboose91

"Make no mistake, it's not revenge he's after. It's a reckonin'."

Tombstone is an invigorating, riveting, action-packed big-budget Hollywood Western focusing on the legendary gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Over the decades, numerous films have been produced about this aforementioned gunfight, such as My Darling Clementine, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, and even 1994's Wyatt Earp with Kevin Costner and Dennis Quaid in the lead roles.

Tombstone is certainly the most violent and exciting retelling of the event. The script mixes moments of historical accuracy with some mythology, as well as a dash of fiction for good measure. Where other films on the subject matter limit their focus, Kevin Jarre's screenplay for Tombstone investigates the lead-up to the notorious gunfight in addition to the aftermath. There's greater depth and historical detail to the characters. As a matter of fact, the O.K. Corral shootout in this movie was filmed exactly as the court transcripts indicated. Jarre's script also contains unforgettable dialogue. On top of this, there isn't a single fault in the entire cast. Look at the actors we've been offered: Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliott, Bill Paxton, Michael Biehn, Charlton Heston, Billy Bob Thornton, Thomas Haden Church, Frank Stallone and even narration by Robert Mitchum! (Mitchum starred in the Howard Hawks Western El Dorado, thus is no stranger to the genre) Granted, it's problematic keeping tabs on the characters and for the most part it's brazen overkill, yet there's a sufficient amount of star-power to keep you mesmerised for the film's full two-hour duration.

"Look at all the stars. You look up and you think, "God made all this and He remembered to make a little speck like me." It's kind of flattering, really."

Wyatt Earp (Russell) is a stalwart and brave lawman located in Dodge City, Kansas. Beside Wyatt are a trio of loyal men: best friend Doc Holliday (Kilmer), as well as Wyatt's brothers Virgil (Elliot) and Morgan (Paxton). The story commences around 1880: Wyatt and his Immortals (and their respective women) retire as lawmen and relocate to Tombstone, Arizona to live a "normal" life. They wish for peace and quiet...perhaps eventually run a saloon together and spend their twilight years as wealthy men. However, their plans are disrupted by the ubiquitous presence of a vicious gang known as the Cowboys. According to the narrator, the Cowboys are the earliest example of organised crime in America. How evil, I hear you ask? These boys gun down an entire wedding party in cold blood before helping themselves to all the food. The Cowboys gang pose a threat to the way of life in Tombstone as people are becoming increasingly afraid to leave their homes. It isn't long before Wyatt Earp and his loyal companions are back in the marshalling business.

Early into the production of Tombstone, the original director (Kevin Jarre, who also wrote the script) was fired from the project. While searching for a replacement, Kurt Russell stepped in and acted as an unofficial director to keep the cameras rolling. It has been reported that when George P. Cosmatos was hired as the new director, he simply kept everything together while Russell directed a majority of the picture.

If you're seeking a predominantly action-oriented Western, you cannot do better than Tombstone. The action sequences are flawlessly orchestrated and unreservedly enthralling. In the 50s and 60s, John Wayne and Gary Cooper Westerns were all the rage. These films were more dialogue than action. And when shootouts did erupt, people simply fell down in a cloud of smoke without sporting a wound (for the most part...there were a few exceptions). Enter Sergio Leone who created the Spaghetti Western genre. Again, more dialogue and adventure than action. It wasn't until Sam Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch that Westerns suddenly became more violent and action-packed. Tombstone disregards the complex narrative and frequent red herrings that so plagued and marred Westerns in past decades. The plot complexities are replaced with action, action and more action. There is a lot of dialogue and the characterisations are satisfying deep, but there's still room for lots of exhilarating action. At two hours the moderately thin story does seem a tad stretched out, in the end becoming nothing more than shootouts followed by more shootouts. I'm not complaining at all, but this fact makes the film slightly inferior to all the greatest cinematic Westerns that offer meatier stories.

"You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?"

Kurt Russell turns in an electric performance as the infamous Wyatt Earp. Debate has been sparked regarding the definitive cinematic embodiment of the lawman, so I'll allow you to draw your own conclusions. Russell delivers his outstanding dialogue with admirable conviction.
Val Kilmer is the undeniable star of the show. He's an absolute hoot as the lurid, foppish tuberculosis-ridden Doc Holliday. Kilmer is truly a scene stealer. He presents a sincerely sensitive portrait of a man with nothing to lose, whose last stake in life is preserving the dignity of his friendship with Wyatt. It's a flamboyant yet poignant performance, and it transforms an ostensible action film into a story of stirring comradeship as well. This could be Kilmer's finest moment on film. Why he never won any awards for this performance is simply beyond me.
Sam Elliott and Bill Paxton are credible and engaging as Wyatt's brothers. Both look the part with their genuine moustaches and commanding screen presence.
There are simply too many members of the supporting cast to mention. Suffice to say, this is how you're supposed to cast a movie! If Tombstone doesn't have the greatest cast of all time, it's certainly close to obtaining that honour.

In tradition with Hollywood Westerns, the period depiction in Tombstone is gorgeous. The town is fittingly atmospheric, with a number of utterly stunning vistas on display in the background. It's a beautifully photographed movie from top to bottom. This is an all-embracing staple in the Western genre. Director Cosmatos apparently claimed all the lightning in the film is real (the actual bolts, that is).
Costumes and props light up the frame to great effect. The guns and high-fitted holsters are also very accurate. The sound mix is another compelling aspect begging to be mentioned. The sound effects are definitely suitable. The music adds yet another indelible layer to the excellent film. It's almost criminal that this film never received an ounce of recognition from the Oscar committee.

How can I not recommend Tombstone? It's a great ride and there's a lot of fun to be had by all. It exhibits a rough-and-tumble vigour that's hard for a die-hard Western fan to resist. It's an excellent way to spend a few hours. Certainly, this is a beer-and-pizza event that makes effortless viewing on a boring afternoon. Witty dialogue, lots of shooting, lots of blood, lots of horse-riding...what's not to like? If you're looking for more bang for your buck, rent Tombstone. If you're looking for a film slightly deeper and more drama-oriented, rent 3:10 to Yuma or The Proposition or any John Wayne Western. The choice is yours.

Wyatt Earp's fifth cousin (the aptly named Wyatt Earp) makes an appearance as Billy Claiborne.

"I spent my whole life not knowing what I want out of it, just chasing my tail. Now for the first time I know exactly what I want and who... that's the damnable misery of it.

8.3/10

"You should have let 'em kill me, 'cause I'm gonna kill you. I'll catch up with ya. I don't know when, but I'll catch up. Every time you turn around, expect to see me, 'cause one time you'll turn around and I'll be there. I'm gonna kill ya, Matt."

Howard Hawks' Red River is fundamentally a Western appropriation of Mutiny on the Bounty. This superlative 1948 Western united director Hawks and star John Wayne for the first time (in the ensuing decades they collaborated on such films as Rio Bravo, El Dorado and Rio Lobo), and it's extensively considered the finest product of the Hawks/Wayne partnership.

Red River is a monumental, sweeping, and powerful masterpiece infused with top-notch performances, stunning cinematography and adventure on a grand scale. John "The Duke" Wayne turns in one of the greatest performances of his entire career. For a majority of his acting career, The Duke generally appeared on autopilot (he did star in over 100 Westerns). Red River is a rare exception...John Wayne is passionate and convincing, with an authoritative screen persona that's difficult to overlook. Director John Ford (who directed The Duke for numerous Westerns like Stagecoach, The Searchers and Rio Grande) reportedly saw Red River and said "I didn't know the big lug could act". This is a truly stand-out addition to the Western genre: it's a majestic, exquisite adventure that captures the grandeur, splendour and danger of the wild American West. It's a grand epic about earning respect, loyalty, love and money.

Similar to most cinematic Westerns, the plot is deceptively simple. Tom Dunson (Wayne) has turned the barren Texas land across the Red River into thriving cattle territory. The story begins years earlier as Tom acquires this land...shooting a few rivals in the process. Tom also meets a young teenage orphan named Matthew who was the only survivor of a wagon train massacre. Fast forward fourteen years, and Matthew (Clift, in his film debut) is returning from his military duties. Due to economic changes brought about by the Civil War, the bottom falls out of beef market in the Southern States. Unfortunately, this renders Tom's cattle quite worthless. But the self-made cattle baron owns about 9,000 cows and is utterly poor. With little option, he decides to organise a cattle drive to Missouri. This will be a long, dangerous trek. As Tom drives his herd and employees through the treacherous Chisholm Trail, he proves that he'll risk anything to reach his destination...even his own sanity. As the days pass by, Tom turns into more of a tyrant and the men begin to turn against him.

Red River is a glorious, leisurely-paced adaptation of the story The Chisholm Trail. Director Howard Hawks should be familiar to anyone who loves classic movies. He's a man capable of staging slick action and interesting dialogue. Hawks infuses this film with striking, expressive, exciting sequences of stampeding, rough weather, general cowboy-ing and Indian skirmishes. Red River is a Western of epic proportions. Thousands of cows and hundreds of horses were used for the film's production. The river crossing is particularly breathtaking. Horses, wagons, cowboys and cattle cross rushing waters in real time from every angle, conveying the danger of such a feat and therefore the valour of the American cowboy. The film even emulates the custom of employing title cards to distinguish the various chapters of the tale.

The splendid locations are marvellously photographed by Russell Harlan. There are rugged landscapes clouded by diminutive dust bowls kicked up by the cattle. There's also a 360° panorama comprised of three individual shots, and an atmospheric sequence illuminated by a swinging lantern. Red River depicts American West ideals - self-interest, eccentricity and capitalism - in action. Earning and spending money is virtually celebrated, from an Indian seeking maximum value to a stuttering young cowboy who aims to buy a gift for his wife.

Bordon Chase (author of the original story) and Charles Schnee's script (the uncredited Howard Hawks also made contributions) contains intriguing characters and underlying messages, moving at a careful pace as the story steadily unfolds. The script is hampered by a few problems, however. For a start the Indians are once again shown as people who endlessly slaughter for the sake of killing. The screenwriters also have a tendency to write speeches where conversations or physical behaviour would be more appropriate. Being a 40s movie, there's a desperate attempt to evade prostitution references when the men encounter a wagon of women who are obviously prostitutes. It derails the drama of the first scene shared by Montgomery Clift and Joanna Dru. There are occasional lapses into self-conscious artiness throughout the film as well. In addition to this, the drama builds to an atrocious ending that belies the emotion of the rest of the picture. The climax seems overly rushed and too "feel good". It also weakens the characters. On the plus side, production values are a wonder to behold. There are authentic costumes and props to replicate the period. Traditional wagons and horses are utilised as well. Then there's Dmitri Tiomkin's stirring score, adding another layer of pure heroism to the portrayal of the American cowboy.

A sterling John Wayne is at a high standard in this picture. As quoted before, The Duke's frequent collaborator John Ford has been quoted as saying he never knew the guy could act. This is definitely one of Wayne's absolute best performances. His fits the character of Dunson like a pair of gloves. Seeing John Wayne put in such a performance as a tortured man with two sides to him is mesmerising. His character also functions as a hero and a villain.
Montgomery Clift makes his stunning feature film debut in this film. Even with a screen legend beside him, Clift more than holds his own; tempering Wayne's swagger with a quieter nature of confidence and allegiance. He acts as a counterbalance to the screen presence of Wayne.
Walter Brennan offers one of his greatest screen performances to date.
John Ireland is the cocky, overeager young gunslinger who accompanies the crew for their cattle drive. The remaining supporting cast carry out their duties admirably.

Red River abides by the quintessential Western conventions: lots of cows, a bit of shooting, murderous Indians, extensive landscapes, big heroic men, lots of yahooing and little women. It's ultimately a tad clichéd, but as an early Western it was made when the clichés were still being established. Red River is reportedly an accurate portrayal about the life of a cattle herder during the post-Civil War days.

This film is a sheer delight that succeeds on multiple levels. Firstly: it's an examination of John Wayne's heroic likeness, here shown as unnecessarily authoritarian and stubborn as he comes into conflict with his more liberal surrogate son. Wayne's Tom Dunson progressively receives further criticism from the garrulous Groot (Brennan) for his habitual execution of deserters. Secondly: this performs as an additional variation on director Hawks' perennial trepidation with the theme of self-respect and professionalism. And finally, Red River is an intimate epic commemorating the passion of the institution of civilisation in the rough American West, with Matthew's common refusal to resort to the gun that is viewed as essential by the trigger-happy Wayne. If you're looking for an orientation into the John Wayne craze, this is a recommended title to do so (also recommended is the later Hawks/Wayne collaboration Rio Bravo).

"We brought nothing into this world and it's certain we can carry nothing out."

8.0/10

"You caused me a lot of embarrassment! You're the only man I shot, that I didn't kill."

John Wayne (commonly referred to more affectionately as The Duke) developed into a much-loved American icon during his sprawling career that spanned over multiple decades. The War Wagon is one of those forgotten gems. It wasn't as critically acclaimed as The Searchers or Rio Bravo, thus to some it's "just another John Wayne movie". Be that as it may, this is an extraordinarily fun and engaging little flick. The War Wagon performed as a Western precursor to the buddy action movies of the 80s and 90s, offering an adequate quantity of exciting action and amusing comic relief. This is an enjoyable revenge Western, featuring clichéd cowboys and standard gunslingers of all stripes playing out in an intriguing premise. Screenwriter Clair Huffaker also wrote the novel on which the film is based. Clair has a decidedly keen understanding on the expectancies of a John Wayne Western, as he once reportedly said: "John Wayne plays the strong, silent man, with a certain sense of humour and an inner feeling of justice."

The straightforward story is one that's been exploited in various other genres. A man is wrongfully accused, and this man seeks revenge on the wrongdoers. In this case, the protagonist is Taw Jackson (Wayne). Years ago Jackson was framed and sent to prison. After being released on parole, he returns to his old stomping ground to find his estate in possession of the man who framed him: powerful mine owner Frank Pierce (Cabot). You see, Pierce realised there was gold on Jackson's land and wanted to get his greedy hands on it. Due to Pierce's connections and power, he could successfully have Taw Jackson framed and Jackson could do nothing to prove his innocence. In order for Jackson to settle the score with Pierce, he becomes dead-set on capturing an iron-clad stagecoach transporting half a million dollars worth of gold (mined from his land, that is). He enlists the help of an old enemy of his known as Lomax (Douglas).

An extremely similar story was utilised for the 1969 heist film The Italian Job, be it purposeful or otherwise. The War Wagon is the Western version of the story, whereas The Italian Job is a modern appropriation. This is a testament to the clever little plot assembled for the film.

Despite never being widely acclaimed, The War Wagon holds its own all these years later. It's a good fun old-fashioned action/adventure ride created for providing Saturday afternoon entertainment at the movies. The cinematography looks utterly beautiful. In tradition with all the greatest American Westerns of the 50s and 60s, there are wonderful locations that have been captured suitably. It has been perceived that the message of this Western is to nourish the ideology of vigilante committees aiming to safeguard their rights and possessions. Clair Huffaker's screenplay is fairly adequate. As a straightforward, enjoyable romp it succeeds but by no means does it break new ground. The heroes are clichéd: depicted as being infinitely smarter than their opponents, and are capable of many amazing feats. Meanwhile the villains can't shoot straight and aren't smart enough to rival the heroes. There are also no surprises at all along the way. It plays out exactly how we expect it to. The conclusion is fairly predictable. Still, it's a thoroughly fun ride to take. It isn't the greatest Western of all time, nor is it one of John Wayne's best, but you could do a whole lot worse. In fact, modern Hollywood blockbuster fluff is inferior to this kind of exciting John Wayne material.

The interplay between John Wayne and Kirk Douglas is sardonic and sharp. It's the chemistry between these two leads that places this above the commonplace standard. Rumour has it that The Duke grew annoyed with Douglas during the production, and this would explain why there were no other features starring the two legends. That's a pity, because on-screen the two stars appear to work well together, providing a solid backbone for the rest of the characters to work off. There are several wonderful moments to be witnessed featuring Douglas and Wayne bouncing off each other. After they simultaneously out-draw two opponents, Douglas remarks "Mine hit the ground first". "Mine was taller" Wayne replies laconically.
John Wayne is at his usual standard here. Not his best performance to date, though. Same can be said for Kirk Douglas. He's appealing enough, but far from Oscar-worthy. Also in the cast are such names as Bruce Cabot, Keenan Wynn, Howard Keel, Robert Walker, Valora Nolan, and there's a brief appearance of Bruce Dern. A few years later Bruce Dern would feature in a John Wayne film entitled The Cowboys. Dern became one of the only actors in history to shoot a John Wayne character dead. Interestingly, Wayne kills Dern's character in The War Wagon.

If you're on the lookout for an enjoyable old-fashioned Western, this is the one for you. In tradition with censorship of the time, villains are dispatched without any blood. Plenty of blokes are gunned down alright, yet none sports an injury. Whilst being a fairly typical John Wayne vehicle, The War Wagon is loads of fun with Wayne and Douglas sharing a terrific on-screen camaraderie. There's plenty of horse-riding, lots of guns, a few girls, a dash of romance, and a lot of excitement. What's not to like? By no means is this the greatest Western of its decade, but it's engaging enough to hold your interest for 100 minutes.

6.9/10

"Watch yourself, sister! Everything in these woods'll either bite ya, stab ya or stick ya!"

John "The Duke" Wayne earned his first (and only) Oscar in 1970 for his performance as Rooster Cogburn in 1969's True Grit. Rooster Cogburn denotes the continuing adventures of the US Marshall whose name was used for the film's title. Although a sequel, Rooster Cogburn is almost entirely not connected to its predecessor. The only connection can be found in the few returning characters, namely the title character from which the title is derived from. Whilst True Grit was arguably John Wayne's finest performance committed to celluloid, it was the character he created that was the icon. It was therefore logical to bring Rooster Cogburn back to run riot in the Indian Territories once again, this time paired with the always delightful Katharine Hepburn. Rooster Cogburn may seem like little more than a mere star vehicle and an excuse to get the two acting legends together on screen, but the result is actually a moderately enjoyable Western romp. It's virtually a carbon copy of The African Queen with inarguable similarities, and the script is rather on the banal side...but it's at least entertaining.

In this sequel to True Grit, US Marshall Rooster Cogburn (Wayne) is up to his usual tricks: he's a hard drinker, a guiltless killer, and he still resides in the backroom of a shop with a Chinaman and a tabby cat known as General Sterling Price. Following his latest assignment during which he gunned down four men, he returns to Ford Smith and faces the wrath of Judge Parker (McIntire). The judge has had enough of Rooster's complete disregard for the law. Thus, Rooster is stripped of his status as a Marshall and is forced into retirement. Meanwhile in the Indian Territories, a band of outlaws ambush an army column and hijack a wagon of nitro-glycerine. It's theorised that this nitro could be employed to execute a gold robbery. When news of this reaches Ford Smith, Judge Parker naturally runs to Rooster Cogburn to beg for his services. If Cogburn completes the assignment he'll be reinstated as a Federal Marshall. The money becomes too much temptation for Rooster to handle, so he agrees. During his travels he meets Miss Eula Goodnight (Hepburn) who wants revenge for the death of her father. Also joining the team is an Indian boy named Wolf (Romancito).

Just about everything in Rooster Cogburn is superfluous to the interplay of the lead actors. The combination of Katharine Hepburn and John Wayne can only be described as irresistible. Aside from the actors, as well as a good smattering of action and wonderful visuals, not much more can be said in the film's favour. At times the dialogue is cheesy, the romantic angle of the story is excruciating (not to mention predictable) and the plot is a dud. The bad guys are just soccer players struggling for possession of the ball. With the main characters gaining control of the main plot device early into the game, there's a distinct lack of momentum.

Everything is blatantly clichéd: enemies can't shoot straight while the heroes (two old-timers and a young, inexperienced lad) outfight and outwit the hapless outlaws at every turn. There's never a sense that the good guys will lose. On the eve of battle (no matter how unprepared the heroes are) we know the outlaws will lose. No surprises, no subversiveness...it's formulaic and safe the whole way through.

Rooster Cogburn bares countless similarities to The African Queen. Structure and characters are glaringly similar, for instance. This is just The African Queen transplanted into a Western world dominated by rocks, rivers, guns and beautiful open vistas. On that note, a deficiency of originality is detrimental. If you've seen The African Queen (like I have) you'll suffer constant bouts of déjà vu. Even with such powerful stars and exciting action sequences, it isn't good enough.

John Wayne earned an Academy Award for his performance as Rooster Cogburn in True Grit. He immersed himself into the role despite a body ravaged by cancer and numerous health problems. His commitment to acting is inspirational and amazing. Six years on, and he's still doing what he does best. However Wayne's performance seems more laid-back and less rugged. Perhaps his health conditions were the cause of this. Whatever the case, I was underwhelmed...especially since he was reprising the role that marked his finest moments on film. He might've just been too old to carry a movie. During one particular scene while he's loading a raft, The Duke is unmistakably gasping for air. He's still interesting and still looks good in action, but he was passed his prime at this point.
It's priceless watching The Duke's interaction with Katharine Hepburn (who also starred in The African Queen, which is further evidence that the filmmakers wanted to replicate its success) as the two share looks and banter. There's easy charm and chemistry between the leads. The rest of the cast are outshined by the two authoritative stars that light up the frame. Thoroughly ridiculous, though, is the notion of 69-year-old Jon Lormer as 68-year-old Katharine Hepburn's father.

Overall, Rooster Cogburn is a fun and reasonably entertaining Western and one of the final films in the John Wayne canon. It's a moderately disappointing film with such a banal script lacking in originality, but there's enough action and priceless star moments to keep anyone entertained. There are a few witty lines and amusing moments; however they're in disappointingly short supply. As a sequel to True Grit to continue the adventures of Rooster Cogburn, the film could've done with a script rewrite. It isn't a particularly great Western, but in the end it doesn't matter. This is a star vehicle in every sense of the word. The script doesn't do the leads any favours, but Wayne and Hepburn make the most of their scenes. The plot and script are straightforward and nothing groundbreaking, yet there's a good dosage of action and a fairly satisfying offering of beautiful scenery.

5.8/10

"As far as I'm concerned, that man's whole body is property of the U.S. army."

The second of two Marvel projects to be released in 2008, The Incredible Hulk is a huge step down in quality after the superlative Iron Man. Initially designed as a sequel to Ang Lee's much-maligned 2003 film Hulk, the project eventually materialised into a reboot, aiming to address the extensive criticisms levelled against its predecessor. Thus, while Lee aimed to mount a patient art-house film with blockbuster elements, The Incredible Hulk is pure junk food cinema, a commercial action picture that's anything but incredible. Directed by Louis Leterrier (The Transporter) and written by Zak Penn (as well as an uncredited Edward Norton), it's a completely sub-standard production, leaving us still starving for a truly iconic and memorable solo film for Marvel's big green guy.

During a laboratory accident, scientist Bruce Banner (Norton) was poisoned with gamma radiation which damaged his cells. As a result, whenever Banner is angry, he transforms into a huge green rage beast known as the Hulk. In an attempt to control the mutation, Banner heads to South America to hide out, hoping to escape the hands of General Ross (William Hurt) who wants to use Banner to create an army of super-soldiers. Compelled to head back to America, Banner is reunited with long-time lover Betty Ross (Liv Tyler), who wants to help cure the genetic mutation. Hot on their tail, though, is ruthless British military specialist Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth), who yearns to harness Banner's power.

Instead of extensively exploring the Hulk's origins once again, The Incredible Hulk recaps Banner's backstory during the opening credits. It's a wonderfully brisk montage which effectively conveys the story so far, instilling a sense of promise that the film is never able to capitalise upon. While the first half an hour or so does a great job of setting up the narrative, especially with fitting character introductions and a "less is more" approach towards Banner's alter ego, everything goes downhill afterwards, abandoning all sense of psychological depth and subtextual heft in favour of straight-ahead narrative velocity. The Incredible Hulk is better-paced than Lee's overstuffed film, but anything that isn't purely surface is discarded here. The structure is incoherent and jumpy as well, while the dialogue is conventionally corny action movie speak. Apparently the film was originally a lot longer, with Norton lobbying for more characterisation and dialogue. But the studio intervened, apparently trimming as much as seventy minutes. As a result, the structure is puzzling. Consider, for instance, that Banner travels from Guatemala to California despite having no money or official documents, and despite having his face plastered on every government watch-list. Characters disappear as well, including Betty's boyfriend who seems to be simply tossed aside upon Bruce's return. Some of the scene transitions are so choppy that it feels like the studio haphazardly took out random reels without smoothing out the rough edges.

The Incredible Hulk eventually transforms into a string of action and devastation, undermined by dreadfully phony CGI and underwhelming action set-pieces. Leterrier's visual style is very run-of-the-mill, lacking the timing and polish which made Iron Man such a summer delight. This film was produced five years after Lee's Hulk, and Leterrier was working with a massive budget, but the digital effects nevertheless look pathetically unfinished. Everything from the helicopters to the environments look absurdly unconvincing. Although the sweeping Hulk movement is accounted for, clarity is lacking and the beast lacks vital crispness. The climax literally looks like something from a sub-par video game cut-scene. Whenever the CGI Hulk appears, it feels like someone is tapping you on the shoulder to whisper "Hey, you're just watching a movie." In other words, the concept of total immersion is ruined, and it's hard to get involved in the movie in any capacity. I'd give up all the thunderous explosions that litter the picture for a single scene of genuine awe. For a film titled "Incredible," the digital Hulk is anything but. Iron Man was actually produced for a smaller sum, and its effects bordered close to photorealism. What the hell happened here?

Furthermore, the film lacks vital brains. The climactic battle in particular is a total mess. Several minutes into the smash-down, civilians still appear to be running away from the action. And some of those civilians are shown to be tossed around in the mayhem. Surely several innocents are killed, yet there's never an ounce of sentimentality displayed towards them. Plus, millions of dollars worth of damage is perpetrated without any real consequences. It may seem odd to complain about such things in an action film, but it doesn't even properly deliver as entertainment due to its horrendous special effects and skewiff direction. Added to all of this malarkey, there's a particularly terrible scene involving the Hulk and Betty sitting outside a cave at night in the rain. It feels shamelessly copied from King Kong, and it lacks the tender touch of a skilled filmmaker to give the scene any substantial impact. Consequently, it comes off as trite, ineffective and cheesy. To be honest, the best moment in the film is the post-credits scene, featuring Robert Downey Jr. who cameos as Tony Stark.

For those desiring tonnes of action involving the Hulk, quality be damned, The Incredible Hulk is a film for you, as there's enough pandemonium to keep you happy. And by all means, it does deliver in the entertainment department at times. But where Ang Lee's film succeeded (i.e. actual depth and thoughtful dialogue), this film fails. Meanwhile, this Hulk adventure contains plenty of action and momentum, which was lacking in Lee's effort. If only a blend of these two extremes was achieved, we'd have the definitive Hulk adventure. Interestingly, for a constituent of Marvel's big universe-building project, The Incredible Hulk severely underperformed at the box office, unable to so much as double its budget worldwide.

4.2/10

"I just want to make people silky-smooth!"

Adam Sandler's excruciating, lethargic comedy routine stopped being funny around the beginning of his career. With You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Sandler and his usual partners in crime against cinema have actually managed to make a film more agonisingly unfunny than their appalling 2007 film I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. Adding further insult to injury, the beloved super-producer Judd Apatow (he must have aggressive insomnia at the rate he produces movie) has defiled his (predominantly impressive) CV with this ghastly Adam Sandler vehicle. 2008 is the year for movies that are DOA. Mike Myers ruined his career with The Love Guru, Brendan Fraser embarrassed himself with The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Will Smith relegated his career to cheap blockbusters with Hancock, and even the much-anticipated The Lost Boys sequel was doomed before its release. During the 110-minute running time of You Don't Mess with the Zohan there's plenty of time for you to focus your anger on everyone involved with the film as you won't be doing any laughing.

Zohan (Sandler) is an Israeli counterterrorist who excels at his profession. The film is marred lethally by the capabilities of Zohan: he's like Superman and is able to do all sorts of ludicrous things, from catching a bullet to swimming like a dolphin. He's the Chuck Norris jokes brought to life...yielding depressingly unfunny, lifeless results.
Anyway, the film mixes comedy with a global political issue; in this case the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Zohan is stuck in the middle of all this fighting and is the finest counterterrorist the Israelis have to offer. But he grows tired of this senseless conflict, and fakes his death in order to escape to America to achieve his dream...he wants to be a hairdresser. His initial dream of working for Paul Mitchell doesn't materialise, thus he settles for working at a small-time beauty salon threatened by a Trump-like real estate developer. Before you know it, Zohan increases the popularity of the beauty salon. He cuts hair sensually - ejaculating shampoo and acting sexually - before sexing old birds in the back room.

As with 2007's I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Sandler attempts to explore a serious political issue. In the case of You Don't Mess with the Zohan (as I said before) it's the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Why explore a sensitive issue in a light-weight, fluffy mainstream comedy? What does Sandler hope to achieve? The script plays it safe, ultimately exploiting this issue for a string of low-brow gags. Nothing subversive is present in the script, and it simply offers nothing more than a simplistic "can't we all get along?" message. There's also the matter of the obnoxious product placement. Whenever Zohan expresses his obsession with hummus the label is always conveniently facing the camera.

Offensive low-brow gags pervade the film. Like when Zohan and two mates play hackeysack with a live, screaming cat! Adam Sandler is too self-indulgent. He seems to be having an absolute ball, but we're certainly not having a good time. If we were examining a simple Sandler vehicle like Happy Gilmore, he does a few funny things but the film lasts about 90 minutes. In this case, the film runs about 110 minutes and it's devoid of anything genuinely funny. I chuckled, but what's missing are the meaty laugh-out-loud moments. The script frequently resorts to cultural stereotypes and ethnic humour for laughs. None of this even works! It's misfired gags united with offensive misfired gags and boring moments. At times the film even seems like a drama. This is undermined, however, by Zohan's complete inability to offend anyone no matter what he says to them. Sandler's Zohan is a garishly sketched melange of Ali G and Borat, however (despite a screenplay co-written by Sandler and Judd Apatow) he's such a jarringly two-dimensional creation. Sandler's accent is even more offensive. That he has to become a foreigner for laughs is a reflection on how desperate this talentless "comedian" has become. He tries to be of the standard of Borat, but he doesn't have the talent as a writer or as an actor to pull it off adequately. And then there's Sandler regular Rob Schneider as a Palestinian cab driver. Seriously, it's awful stuff!

You Don't Mess with the Zohan appears to lag too much as well. There's a dreadful, contrived romantic sub-plot tossed in for the sake of some romance. It's barely developed and too sudden; hence we seldom care about it. Zohan has been screwing woman ages 60 and above throughout the whole film, yet cringe-worthy true love intervenes. The sign of this "true love" warrants more groaning: Zohan can't get an erection unless he's talking to this girl. The film plays out like an action flick and as a comedy. But Zohan is too unrealistic and overplayed for this to be a serious action film. And there most certainly aren't adequate gags for this to be considered a comedy. It's in the line in between...and this is certainly not a favourable line to be sitting on. The film cooks up is 80s-ish action, trite blather and ceaseless scenes of Sandler making sexy with grannies in the salon run by Palestinian bombshell Dalia (Chriqui). That she lets him continually run amok before eventually falling in love with him is about as insolent as the jaw-droppingly excruciating attempts at comedy, such as dudes discussing which First Lady they'd tap or a montage mirroring Rocky during which cracked eggs reveal developed young chickens and a live cow hanging upside down is used as a punching bag.

If only the Zohan hadn't messed with us! I never thought it'd be possible, but Adam Sandler has made a movie more painful than I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and has further demonstrated his ability to reinvent the term "unfunny comedy". One golden star for a few chuckles...and I have no idea why in hell I'm being that nice!

1.5/10

FILM: 7.9/10
My review [Link removed - login to see]

VIDEO & AUDIO: 9/10
The video is presented in a 1.78:1 aspect ratio, and is 16x9 enhanced.
There are three audio tracks present for the film: English Dolby Digital 5.1 (448 Kbps), English Dolby Digital 2.0 (224 Kbps) and English descriptive audio Dolby Digital 2.0 (224 Kbps)
The video looks extremely good. The image is sharp, there's excellent shadow detail, very fine contrast in the many dark scenes of the film, and the colours look beautiful. Due to the film's origins (low-budget Aussie feature) there is some mild grain which could probably be rectified if it's transferred to HD on a Blu-Ray release.
No problems with the sound (except it's a tad underwhelming in a surround sound system). Sound effects are booming and the exotic score (by Francois Tetaz) sounds extraordinary.

EXTRAS: 8/10
Considering the origins of the film, the disc very kindly offers a number of worthwhile features.
The disc opens to an anti-piracy commercial which cannot be skipped. Suitably, this anti-piracy commercial makes use of the poster for Wolf Creek.
The disc menu is well-themed, with accompanying music from the film to add further atmosphere.

The Making of Rogue Documentary (46:08)
This is an excellent and comprehensive documentary, covering everything from pre-production to post-production. There is lots of behind-the-scenes footage that offers insight into the film's production. Cast & crew interviews punctuate the behind-the-scenes footage. They offer anecdotes about filming. This is a worthwhile addition!

The Making of Rogue mini documentaries
These are merely extensions of the main Making Of documentary.
The Music (14:40 - this focuses on the intriguing techniques employed in composing the score. This is interesting stuff.
The Northern Territory (14:46) - this merely offers information regarding the location shooting for the film. Mildly interesting stuff.
Effects (6:43) - this all-too-brief featurette examines the creation of the rubber crocs, and the utilisation of CGI technology for other sections of the movie.
The Real Rogue (2:30) - this runs far too short to be of any real interest. Basically it examines the real crocs used as a model for the big croc in the film.

Theatrical Trailer (2:02
Don't think this needs an explanation. This is a fairly conventional trailer included for posterity purposes.

OVERALL: 8/10
Rogue is an above-average creature feature. In an age dominated by shitty direct-to-DVD croc and shark films, this is the antidote we need. If more of this standard were reeled out, there could be a future for croc films.
The video & audio are above average. Only improvements could be made if a Blu-Ray release was around the corner.
The extras are in short supply, but are of a uniformly high standard.

The Region 1 release also includes an audio commentary by director Greg McLean. It's a shame Region 4 misses out.

"People should love you. They really should, okay? And I want to deliver that for you. It's the least that I can do. You're a superhero. Kids should be running up to you, asking for your autograph, people should be cheering you on the streets..."

Stale. Vapid. Hollow. Offensive. Inconsistent. Illogical. Lame. Fluffy. These are the words that popped into my head while watching Hancock; a nonsense hodgepodge of intriguing ideas attempting to offer a unique twist on the conventional superhero movie.

2008 appears to be the ideal year for disappointing superhero movies to crawl out and subsequently die. This film was released in the shadow of Doug Liman's second-rate Jumper. Both lethally suffer from awful screenplays and a contemptible, self-indulgent, selfish hero. Hancock works from a banal and standard script, seemingly borrowing various facets from other superheroes. There's a shoestring plot on which to hang the action sequences and the (failed) humour. Hancock is also excruciating, dull, unimaginative and unengaging. Forget about this being as emotionally gripping as The Pursuit of Happyness, as delightfully entertaining as Bad Boys, or as funny and appealing as Men in Black - this is pure preposterous tosh!

John Hancock (Smith) is a bitter, disillusioned superhero. He can fly, he's impervious to any sort of damage, he has super strength...well, I'm sure you get the idea. Hancock has one major problem: his public image. Every time he saves someone's life or catches a criminal he inadvertently causes a great deal of damage to the city of Los Angeles. When Hancock isn't angering the general public, he's a drunken bum. Enter public relations professional Ray Embrey (Bateman) who, after being saved by Hancock, takes it upon himself to reinvent and improve Hancock's public image in order to make him more of a crowd pleaser. A warrant is issued for the arrest of Hancock (as his latest stunt caused $9 million of damage), and Ray persuades the superhero to turn himself in willingly. This begins Hancock's inner journey from public nuisance to public idol.

Hancock is an abundantly flawed superhero escapade. I honesty have no idea where I should begin...
For starters, Hancock isn't a sufficiently developed character nor is he anyone we wish to root for. His origin story isn't told until the second half. His back-story comes far too late to make a difference to the character (who's established as selfish and contemptible). Ideally, the film should allow its audience to understand Hancock's motivations, as well as the reasons for his bad attitude and callousness from the very first frame. When is the origin story introduced in Superman: The Movie or Tim Burton's original Batman? It's the first thing we need to see in order to flesh out a character and provide detail into this character's life. Flashback, montage...the script needs to allow us to identify with him before he opens his mouth.
In I Am Legend, we empathise with Will Smith's character from the very beginning because we're given a reason to care about him. In The Pursuit of Happyness he played a poor man trying to raise his son. We pity him and want to see him succeed. In Hancock he calls bystanders pricks, drinks himself to oblivion, doesn't care about anyone but himself, and his social skills are putrid. The heroics he occasionally displays just aren't good enough.

The dialogue is also quite offensive. In the opening sequence he rips the roof off a getaway vehicle, revealing three men. Hancock proceeds to joke about the lack of girls in the car. The insinuation is that they are gay (even when most criminals we see arrested on TV are men anyway!). This further manifests itself later on in the film. Ray holds up a series of comic books, all featuring white men in standard superhero outfits. First words that escape Hancock's mouth? "Homo. Homo in red. Norwegian homo". The gay community would probably have something to say about this... I wonder what Hancock would've said if he was shown comic books featuring African American superheros. Would he call them niggers? I'd guess not, as this would alienate Smith's race. "Homo" is the only slur said by Hancock throughout the entire film. When he's approached by African Americans, he doesn't use a slur at all. He doesn't even use a slur when he fights Latinos at the beginning. To the writers it's a crime to use a slur for African Americans or Latinos, yet it's perfectly acceptable to do so for gays. How insensitive!

This point brings us onto the rest of the script issues... The film's structure is unbelievably weak. It's as if the screenwriters had brainstormed ideas for the major plot points but could only come up with pulp to connect them. These plot points are just mashed together, creating an extraordinarily messy final product. The screenwriters seemingly expect us to fill in the blanks.
Even though this is a summer blockbuster, Hancock offers barely any action. Okay, so they wanted this to be more of a drama. But why did they market this as an action film? Why did they release it during the summer season when action films are all the rage? The script also never manages to offer a clear-cut villain until the dreadful final third. This villain is weak and his entrance is far too late.

Logic appears to be an enemy of the screenplay as well. At one stage Hancock tosses a child up into the air. On the child's way back down to the ground he's caught by Hancock. This should have caused incredible internal damage, yet the kid is just fine. Another illogical instance: Hancock flies out of prison temporarily. The alarm is immediately raised. Seriously, bullets bounce off this guy. Why in hell would the police even bother wasting manpower and bullets trying to recapture him? An alarm would do absolutely no good. During the film's climax Hancock is hurt pretty badly after being shot and stabbed. He falls out of a high window (third or fourth storey) onto the roof of a bus and he's just fine? There's also another character with powers identical to Hancock's, and they don't want their powers revealed (they even threaten Hancock with penalty of death if he spills the beans). Yet this character engages Hancock in combat in broad daylight with hundreds of witnesses. In addition to logic frequently being defied, inconsistencies are abundant. The entire story about the other character with Hancock's powers is muddled up! I'd be wasting time (and spoiling things) by going any further.

Then there's the matter of product placement...oh how Hancock appears to adore product placement! There are Ray Ban sunglasses (mentioned by name!), a store with all product labels facing the camera (with close-ups of the products), an ad for the Showtime series Dexter, gratuitous YouTube plugs, and there are even FedEx boxes being displayed!

For a modern movie, the special effects are somewhat dull as well. Peter Berg directed 2007's The Kingdom...and again brings his trademark shaky camera technique to the table. He attempts to give the CGI sequences a grittier, more realistic edge. This fails in the first scene - an inebriated Hancock flying towards a highway police pursuit exhibits embarrassing phoniness. However, the only thing I can say in the film's favour is in regards to its entertainment value. There are sporadic instances of good action scenes and funny moments. But these all happen within the first 30 minutes. Beyond that, everyone is on autopilot. The enjoyably frenetic opening sequence is of the standard we expected to pervade the rest of the film. Sadly, it's a one-off instance. A character also watches a few clips of Hancock's most infamous misdemeanours on YouTube. A few amusing clips are played and Will Smith's reactions are priceless.
On the whole, though, the performances are uniformly mediocre. Smith doesn't bring an ounce of emotion to the table and Charlize Theron is wooden. Bateman is at least watchable. He disperses a few amusing lines of dialogue. The rest of the cast aren't even worth mentioning.

Hancock is a massive disappointment no matter where you turn. It seems like the film is actually two films rolled into one. The first is the tale of the anti-hero learning to be a defender of truth, justice, and the American Way. It's the more interesting of the two. The second piece is muddled and disjointed as the screenplay provides revelations about Hancock's origin. This aspect has the scope of a Shakespearean tragedy and cannot effectively be addressed in the 45 minutes allotted to it. Both halves had potential, and should have been properly expanded into separate movies. By compressing them into a single unit, the story suffers as a whole. Hancock is stupid and hollow, yet it does at least offer a moderately entertaining experience.

" I gotta wonder what a kind of a bastard I must have been, that nobody was there to claim me. I mean, I am not the most charming guy in the world, so I've been told, but...nobody?"

3.6/10

"You know Steve, you're not very hard to figure, only at times. Sometimes I know exactly what you're going to say. Most of the time. The other times... the other times, you're just a stinker."

Director Howard Hawks once bet Ernest Hemingway he could make a good film using one of the author's worst books as the source material. Needless to say, Hawks won the bet after creating this exquisite, classy, stylish, slick piece of screen entertainment. The legacy of Bogey and Bacall (i.e. Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall) was established in director Howard Hawks' To Have and Have Not.
By the early 1940s, Humphrey Bogart had become a firmly established screen star and a near icon thanks to a string of major movies, including genuine classics such as High Sierra and the unforgettable Casablanca. Betty Perske was a fresh-faced, 19-year-old model from New York who managed to convince Warner Bros. executives to give her a shot at acting. Betty Perske later had her name changed to Lauren Bacall...and the rest is history.

In order to capitalise on the success of Casablanca, Warner Bros. demanded Bogart be returned to his café setting, or something similar. Original script drafts for To Have and Have Not bore many resemblances to Hemingway's novel. But as more drafts were turned in, the script was steadily transformed into an essential Casablanca facsimile. A magnifying glass would be needed to find the crumbs of the novel that remain. Considering the panning taken by Hemingway's novel (even the author reportedly described it as a piece of junk), these changes were wise.

Even with the names of Howard Hawks and Ernest Hemingway slapped onto the film, no-one really cares about that anymore. Now the film is recognised for being the first filmic pairing of Bogey and Bacall. The twosome have become such an iconic and legendary screen couple over the decades. Their chemistry is sizzling. In the original screenplay for To Have and Have Not, Bacall was assigned a reasonably minor role. However, once it was apparent that Bacall and Bogart were burning up the screen together, Hawks re-wrote the script himself to bolster the screen-time of Bacall's character. Following the success of this movie, Howard Hawks went on to direct The Big Sleep featuring the impeccable duo of Bogey and Bacall once again. Hawks decided to emphasise the Bogey and Bacall element in The Big Sleep. Fans of that delicious film noir have often noted that the plot frequently doesn't make sense, but the interaction between Bogart and Bacall is compelling enough to keep even the most inattentive viewer from losing interest.
While filming To Have and Have Not, the two commenced their mutual liking for each other. After production of The Big Sleep wrapped up, Bogey & Bacall married. Bacall was Bogart's fourth wife, and the two remained married until Bogart's death in 1957. The legacy of Bogey & Bacall was preserved in four movies: To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Dark Passage and Key Largo.

Harry Morgan (Bogart) is an adventurous fishing boat captain operating out of Martinique. He offers his boat for rental, making his living by taking usually tourists out for fishing expeditions. With World War II transpiring around them, Harry and his alcoholic partner Eddie (Brennan) are forced to violate their preferred neutrality when a group of French resistance fighters enter the picture. At first he doesn't want a scrap of it - Harry is not wanting into the politics. However circumstances change when Harry's latest client fails to pay a hefty sum he was looking forward to receiving. (Unfortunately, an unexpected case of death prevented any further dealings between Harry and said client.) Harry also meets French sympathiser and nightclub singer Marie Browning (Bacall), who influences Harry's decision on getting involved with French resistance. When local Gestapo-like officer Captain Renard (Seymour) offers Harry a handsome reward for turning over the French resistance fighters he decided to harbour, Harry must choose between money and principals.

To Have and Have Not is essentially Howard Hawks' answer to Casablanca. There are striking similarities between the two, such as the setting and the nature of a number of the characters. Humphrey Bogart is of course Humphrey Bogart: he's gruff and heroic, and only a female can influence his decisions. Surprisingly, Hawks' film actually stands up when compared to Casablanca. By no means does Hawks even get close to rivalling the 1942 masterpiece, but he's crafted an extremely entertaining and classy film with To Have and Have Not. That said, the film isn't without faults. For its duration the film is fairly uneventful. Where Casablanca moved from one fascinating scene to the next as characters spouted memorable dialogue, To Have and Have Not encompasses a thin premise that is seldom extended. At times the story is fairly feeble. Be that as it may, Howard Hawks' touch is a valuable one. The director knows how to keep an audience riveted. Even with exciting happenings being so few and far between, the dialogue is well-written and the actors are sublime. The black and white photography still looks fantastic. Hawks also keeps things slick and fast-paced, with the infrequent action quite entertaining.

The script combines serious dialogue with subtle comic inclusions and witty lines. Where Casablanca had the piano-playing Sam responsible for the immortal As Time Goes By, Hawks includes American song-writing legend Hoagy Carmichael. Where the actor playing Sam only pretended to play the piano, this is the real deal! We get plenty of his catchy, enjoyable music and have the opportunity to listen to his delightfully laconic, laid-back style.

Humphrey Bogart places forth a trademark performance. He had this style of character down pat by now. The actor was in his 40s at the time, but he still possessed an irresistible charm.
Lauren Bacall was a teenager when the cameras started rolling. At times she appears to have trouble acting. She looks delightful and youthful, but she's occasionally contrived. Bogart appears to take a backseat position as the young Lauren Bacall shines here. It takes no imagination to determine why she so captivated the older Bogart. Only very few actors have had the pleasure of such a memorable screen debut. Her immortal image in the first scene was just a mere hint of the presence that she was to exert in the rest of this film.
Hawks' rewrite of the script was to boost Bacall's role and diminish that of Dolores Moran (at the time apparently the lover of Howard Hawks). Bacall couldn't actually sing, so her singing scenes were dubbed; using the voice as Andy Williams as a replacement.
Bogart's Harry and Bacall's Marie never call each other by their proper names. Instead, they are known as "Slim" and "Steve" - the endearments by which Hawks and his wife addressed each other in real life.
Walter Brennan is suitably irritating as the drunken mate. There are other additions to the cast worth mentioning, but it goes without saying that they are all overtaken by Bogey and Bacall's scorching chemistry.

To Have and Have Not is a generally underappreciated and overlooked entry to Humphrey Bogart's filmography. It's noted mostly for conceiving the legacy of the Bogey and Bacall partnership, but remembered for little else. The film bears little resemblance to the novel that spawned it; however it doesn't matter. This is a highly entertaining movie and an enduring classic. Not quite the calibre of The Big Sleep or Key Largo (the other Bogey/Bacall flicks), but it's of adequate quality. It might be fairly similar to a raft of other Bogart films - most notably Casablanca with which it does have some obvious superficial elements and similarities - yet this one is superior to most. The sheer chemical overload between the leads just adds that additional level of "stuff" that makes the film very memorable and entertaining indeed. A film worth seeing!

8.2/10

"It takes a certain kind of person to do what I do. No-one's ever impressed; no-one's ever fascinated. If you're a fireman, all the kids will want to jump on the back of the truck and follow you to a fire. There's going to be no kids willing to do that with me. So, I don't do it to impress people - it's a job, it's my trade, and I actually think I'm pretty good at it."

There is one undeniable, inescapable bona fide fact regarding humans that we rarely like to discuss or even mention: everybody poos. Generally speaking, mainstream movies exercise this fact for brainless comedy. Modern comedies usually toss in a fart gag or a diarrhoeic outburst in a desperate attempt for a laugh. From such scenes in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle or Dumb and Dumber, to dramatic shit smearing in North Country...even to German hack director Uwe Boll whose films are pure cinematic semi-liquid nuggets of week-old vindaloo proportions.

Kenny serves a potent yet valuable reminder regarding everybody's need to poo. At first it most likely seems like a daft single-joke comedy overflowing with scatological humour. During its marketing campaign and preliminary hype, there wasn't much to convince anyone otherwise. But Kenny is something radically different. This is a hysterical, enormously entertaining mockumentary featuring an impeccable blend of humour, pathos and heart-warming moments. It delivers a poignant and effective snapshot of a forgotten cog in society who's frowned upon due to the nature of his trade. The character of Kenny (played by little-known actor Shane Jacobson, who won an AFI award for his performance) is commonly alienated from family and friends due to his job. But with this mockumentary we're reminded that he performs an essential public service: if the "Kennys" of the world didn't exist, where would we take a dump at a big festival? It's a trade no-one wants to think about, yet someone needs to do it.

The Jacobson brothers themselves were sceptical as to whether this concept would actually work as a film. Kenny was originally a short that debuted at a major Aussie film festival. Astonishingly, the audience reaction was enormously positive. Due to massive demand, Splashdown (the toilet company which the character of Kenny works for) persuaded the Jacobson brothers to develop the concept into a feature-length movie...and Kenny was eventually born.

Kenny Smyth is a typical Everyman trying to make a living. He works at a Corporate Bathroom Rental company known as Splashdown. Kenny is a knight in shining overalls, taking care of business with his faithful Splashdown crew by his side. The film follows Kenny as he tackles all troubles great and small...from the biggest festival to smallest social gatherings; Kenny confronts every septic challenge that comes his way. He also battles his way through personal problems, dealing with his bitter divorce during which he lost custody of son Jesse (played by Shane Jacobson's real-life son), and he also must tend to the blossoming romance between himself and an airline hostess (Bibra). Every challenge in Kenny's life he faces with charm, humour and unflinching dignity.

I'd love to be able to say "I plumb toilets" and have someone say "Now that is something I've always wanted to do".

Kenny lifts the lid on the very real issues in contemporary society. No-one is ever impressed or fascinated with what Kenny does. Kenny even expounds on the glories of his craft. It isn't as glamorous as being a fireman but it's also more secure than a desk job. ("It's not like my business is ever going to dry up overnight!") In addition, he's treated badly by the members of the general public he's forced to interact with. Barely anyone will shake his hand, his own father (played by Shane and director Clayton Jacobson's actual father) orders him to remove his work overalls before sitting down, and people shun him at social gatherings. When Kenny's son assists in cleaning the port-a-loos, members of the public complain indignantly and inquire "What kind of diseases could he get?". This film presents us with disillusionments and misunderstandings in relation to Kenny's trade. For its brutal honesty and realism, the filmmakers deserve to be lauded.

Director Clayton Jacobson (who gets a very small role as well) lensed the movie using suitable digital photography. It feels like a home movie at times, which is the desired effect. Lots of people (myself included) were under the false impression that Kenny was a real person, and that the events were real. Make no mistake: 95% of the film is staged and rehearsed, with the fantastic naturalistic acting generating the ingenious illusion that we're watching genuine documentary footage. The cinematography is extremely accomplished with its fly-on-the-wall style.

"There's another classic example of someone having a two inch arsehole and us having installed only one inch piping."

Shane Jacobson earned an AFI award for Best Actor. His acting can only be described as faultless. In real life, Shane doesn't have a lisp. I, like many others, was under the impression that the lisp was genuine. This is a testament to the masterclass of acting offered by Jacobson. Kenny Smyth is the best Aussie character to hit screens since Michael Caton's Darryl Kerrigan in The Castle and Paul Hogan's Mick Dundee in Crocodile Dundee. He presents the essential Australian: simple, hard-working and looking forward to having a beer at the end of the day. Kenny's naivety is emphasised by his family's simplicity. He's the first person in his family to fly out of Australia, and he's utterly curious about the workings of an aeroplane. When he arrives at Nashville, Tennessee in America for the International Plumper and Cleaner Expo - i.e. "Poo HQ" as Kenny affectionately calls it - he's bewildered by the size of the expo. Kenny is also your typical Aussie using ockerisms and slang that may appear pretty peculiar to an international audience. His similes are particularly amusing. "Sillier than a bum full of smarties", "Mad as a clown's cock", and so on. Kenny is irresistible and charming, humorous and kind-natured. He's part philosopher, part comedian and all heart. Shane Jacobson gives the film the gusto and momentum it needs.
The other actors deserve a brief mention. It was a family and friend affair, with Shane Jacobson's real father playing Kenny Smyth's father, and Shane's real son played Kenny's son. Ronald Jacobson was nominated for Best Supporting Actor at the AFI awards. He's brilliant, witty and quotable.

The Jacobson brothers may have built the film's premise around toilets and poo, yet a brown log is never actually shown at all throughout the entire film. They never cross the line...the "mud biscuits and apple juice" are merely referenced instead of being shown. The humour of the film is in Kenny's delightful matter-of-factness in his observations. He cleverly describes his trade and things going on around him...and it's hilarious. Better yet, it's all done with a straight face. At the beginning of the film Kenny is interviewing a potential client via phone. As he asks whether this client will be serving food or drink at the event, the implications of his questions are hilarious. "Are there any Indonesian foods or curries?" The opening 30 minutes are probably the strongest part of the movie. We are offered a very intimate insight into the life of Kenny Smyth. Kenny is developed as a three-dimensional human, and in his personality fragments we see ourselves. From start to finish, it's a mosaic of hilarious and quotable lines with an adequate dosage of pathos and heart. The concoction works incredibly effectively!

"There's a smell in here that is gonna outlast religion."

When all's said and done, Kenny simply reminds everyone that in the age of big-budget adventures and CGI spectacles, engaging characters and a good story are all that matter. Kenny has both. This is a little-known film that scored big at the box office. It remained in cinemas for roughly a year. Even after the DVD was released, selected Australian cinemas were still showing it. As a character study so singularly focused on its central character, a film like this relies on its central character for its success. Shane Jacobson delivers a delightful performance. Kenny is a man with good intentions, and this comes across very powerfully. Shane has impeccable comedic timing as he deadpans a series of hilarious lines in expert fashion. Aside from being consistently laugh-out-loud funny, the terrific script generates real affection for Kenny in order that we desperately root for him to succeed. The character makes several valid observations about family, work and the value of human dignity.

Kenny is a masterpiece for its expert amalgamation of great comedy, pathos and terrific touching moments. This is a hysterical movie that holds up admirably no matter how many times you watch it. I still laugh at every joke after 50 viewings. It's a very entertaining movie, and I absolutely love it. At first I had no interest in seeing this picture. But on a firm recommendation I attended a screening (which required a lot of searching to determine which local cinemas were showing it), and it was the best cinematic experience in my entire life. It was a full house, and every single person in the cinema was crying with laughter. It was the most entertaining two hours of my entire life, and now I constantly revisit the movie. This is the greatest mockumentary in history! Yes, it's better than This is Spinal Tap!!

Followed by a spin-off TV series entitled Kenny's World.

10/10