Reviews by PvtCaboose91

"If good men do nothing, that is evil enough."

Street Fighter is a woeful film adaptation of the popular Capcom arcade game. I'm sure there are many fans (or nerds, more precisely) who expected very good results...but what was released was far from good.

I don't think words can describe what a complete and spectacular disaster this film turned out to be.

First and foremost...the plot was utterly useless. It was an even worse excuse for Van Damme to execute fight moves that look incredibly fake and downright stupid!

And why was the film so tame?! Whose idea was it to water down all the violence?! As a result the film feels tremendously bad, tame, childish and corny beyond belief! And then of course the script...was dismal. Attempts at humour made the already painful experience exceedingly worse. And I didn't know it was possible for this film to be any worse.

The one-liners made me gasp in embarrassment. And of course the wooden Belgian made the lines sound even worse. But what made Van Damme worse than ever is the tame violence and the horrible script. Some of his movies were pathetically entertaining because they showcased awesome action...but the fight scenes didn't even look impressive. Instead they're underwhelming and childish.

And you just need to see Kylie Minogue in the cast to further cement our every fear. Her lines sounded so contrived and unnatural. There is not enough room to criticise all things that are wrong with this movie.

The poor excuse for a plot basically follows Colonel William F. Guile (Van Damme) who is in the middle of a war against some evil dictator who couldn't look sinister even if he's pitted against Kermit the Frog! Guile and his team of soldiers (including many who are scaringly good at martial arts for grunts) must go and free some hostages who are being held for ransom.

Many have looked upon Street Fighter as the worst movie ever made. This title sounds rather accurate. The entire film is childish, embarrassingly corny and even extremely boring. Why couldn't the character kill the screenwriters instead?!?!

"You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make shit."

Swordfish opens with a bang. John Travolta delivers a high energy monologue about his annoyance with Hollywood movies that begins the movie perfectly. It sets the tone, and is well delivered.

This high level of intelligence and slick filmmaking is well maintained throughout the running time. Although many critics disliked Swordfish, I found this to be an absolutely superb movie; it's well written, very slick and highly entertaining.

The plot is a complex system of plot twists, with many of the scenes told in flashback. A highly skilled computer hacker named Stanley (Jackman) has just been released from gaol and is forbidden to see his daughter (Grimes). The world's most dangerous criminal, Gabriel Shear (Travolta), hires Stanley to assist in the theft of almost 6 billion dollars in unused government funds. In return Gabriel promises to get Stanley's daughter back to him.

There are several sub-plots (some unneeded) but the film is still mighty entertaining from start to finish. It was also never boring with the great performances from everyone.

Hugh Jackman is especially brilliant here. His role was vital for the advancement of the plot, and he pulled it off extremely well. Travolta was amazing. Although I've never been a real fan of his, I thought his performance was top-notch and unbelievably effective. Berry's role is minor, but played very well. Don Cheadle displays this high level of quality acting as well.

For me, Swordfish was an absolutely superb movie. It was entertaining, had its fair share of action, and has a great script. It was only marred by getting stupid towards the end, and a bit of shoddy CGI. Aside from some minor flaws, I recommend this movie to all!

"Stick it to the man!"

Jack Black is always talented when a quality comedy role drops into his lap. In the case of The School of Rock it seems that he threw everything he had at this role - and the results are outstanding.

Truth be told I didn't have much of an interest in seeing this one because of the tame-sounding PG rating. I figured that the gags wouldn't be as funny. I completely regret avoiding this film for so long.

The School of Rock is one of the best comedies I've ever seen, and also one of the best films I've ever seen. So what's the appeal? Jack Black is awesome in this role. He has heart, he's hilarious and he's an absolute delight to watch. Each of the kids in the cast are also great. Each character is unique and all of them are highly appealing! Throw in a fantastic script, a quality supporting cast and a lot of splendid rock music and the results are hard to beat.

Dewey Finn (Black) is a rock god screw up who is desperate for a job. He was thrown out of his own band because the other members got sick of his immature antics. To make matters worse he was dismissed from the band in the lead-up to the Battle of the Bands competition.

Dewey is poor, has little money and needs to make a living. He takes the name of his roommate Ned (White) and accepts a job as a substitute teacher at a local school. Dewey's spirits are lifted when he discovers that the kids he's teaching are actually the band of his dreams; a room of musically talented kids who would be capable of helping him win the upcoming Battle of the Bands competition. And so he starts putting rehearsals in motion but tells them that it's a secret school project.

Jack Black steals the spotlight during every scene he features in. He is a fantastic actor who displays brilliant skills in this film. He's also a very skilful singer in addition to his acting talent. Mike White (who also co-wrote the script) is wonderful. Joan Cusack was another extraordinary addition to the cast as the school's principal. Like I stated before, the kids who starred in the movie are just fantastic. They're child actors but they're excellent; each has their own distinguished character who exhibits traits that are present in real life schools.

The cherry on top was the music. The songs that were written for the film are creative and catchy. In addition we have songs from Led Zeppelin and AC/DC played constantly throughout the movie. The songs from the aforementioned artists are some of my favourite rock songs as well.

The School of Rock is a film that I never expected would turn out so well. This is a terrific film to watch with the whole family because you will all have a great time. The appeal stretches from the younger audiences to the adult audience.

"I don't need money. People gives me things because they believe in me."

The Academy Awards favoured All the King's Men with Best Picture, Best Actor and Best Actress as well as many other well-earnt nominations.

The film is a classic story that takes an uncompromising look at how power can corrupt a man. Many timeless movie gems have explored such ground (my personal favourite being Mr. Smith Goes to Washington) and all have become much loved films many decades after their original release.

Unfortunately the years haven't been too kind to All the King's Men; it delivers a poignant message but has dated quite a bit. In this day and age it will be difficult to find movie-goers with a strong compulsion to watch a classic like this. It seems that the modern-day cinema generation don't enjoy the old films anymore.

All the King's Men is based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Robert Penn Warren. The film concerns the politically corrupt rise of a "little guy" to his destiny in securing the Governorship of the State. Broderick Crawford plays Willie Stark in a performance that earned him an Oscar. Stark eventually retains a position of power as the governor. But along the way he loses his innocence and becomes equally as corrupt as those who tried to destroy him during his ascension to governor of the state.

All the King's Men doesn't examine the corruption of a politician in Washington. Instead the film examines the corruption of your typical guy with an ambition to reach governorship. In that respect it's a human-interest story with no political agenda; a tale that shows what politics can do to an ordinary bloke.

The motivated performances are what power this dialogue-driven drama. This statement is reflected in the decision to present the film with Best Actor and Best Actress. Broderick Crawford delivers a bravura performance as Willie Stark. At the beginning he seems like just your average guy wanting to make a mark on the country in the aspect of politics. Throughout the film he seems very focused and concentrated on his powerful portrayal. It's easy to get engaged in the actions of his character. His performance is engrossing and intriguing. The supporting cast absolutely excelled themselves; presenting some truly magnificent characters that are relatable and fascinating. There's a host of fantastic characters thrown into the mix.

All the King's Men may not be as good as Capra's classic Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (that addresses the same kind of issues), but it stands strongly on its own intrinsic worth. It's a gutsy move to tackle such subject matter and I believe the filmmakers handled it with great style and sophistication. It has dated but most of its original impact remains. Winner of 3 Oscars.

"Your body's dying. Pay no attention, It happens to us all."

Vampire horror movies have fascinated me since I first viewed the mother of the genre: that is, F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu. Many have tried but never gotten close to the originality and brilliance of the 1922 German silent picture based on Bram Stoker's Dracula.

With this film, Interview with the Vampire is based on a series of novels by Anne Rice (who also wrote the screenplay for the film). The novels and film alike were widely acclaimed by critics and audience. Unfortunately for me, when I at long last saw this movie I couldn't understand all the ruckus.

The film opens as we are introduced to two characters; one is a radio show host named Daniel (Slater) and the other is a mysterious figure named Louis (Pitt). Louis claims that he is an actual vampire and chooses to share his life story with Daniel.

Naturally, at first Daniel is reluctant to believe Louis' declaration of being a member of the undead. But after a quick demonstration Louis then proceeds to tell his epic tale of love, betrayal, loneliness and hunger; his life of living death that never ends.

A bulk of the story takes place during the 18th Century. Louis is bitten by a vampire named Lestat (Cruise) who becomes his mentor. Initially Louis' attitude towards vampiric activities is negative; but his life is never the same when Lestat brings young Claudia (Dunst) into the equation.

At the outset I thought this film had massive potential to be the next great vampire movie. The acting can't be faulted and the attention to detail is unbelievably meticulous; featuring some gorgeous production design and authentic costumes. But the film is very hard to get into. We're just thrown into a world without knowing anything about the characters. The opening introduction just wasn't enough character development before launching into the story. And throughout the film the filmmakers failed to frequently remind us that it's just a character telling a story. Very rarely do we cut back to the hotel, and too infrequently do we hear voice-over narration.

After the first 50 minutes the film becomes unnecessarily relentless. Things begin getting dull and bleak. And then the film keeps dragging on; becoming increasingly boring. Maybe people who are besotted with vampires could overlook the shallow screenplay.

Like I stated previously, the performances are almost impossible to fault. Tom Cruise sparked controversy when he was cast in the role of Lestat. It took a little while for vampiric Cruise to sink in. He gives it everything he can, but I don't feel that he was right for the role. In fact I find Cruise completely miscast. He has his moments, though.

Brad Pitt shows great versatility in his performance. When his character is an experienced member of the vampire race he is wooden but chilling. His make-up really assisted in this aspect. Back in the 18th Century he seems very reluctant to carry out the duties of a vampire. He expresses emotion quite well while playing this side of his character.

Kirsten Dunst beguiled audiences with a performance that belies her years. The film needed a young actress who could display a range of emotions for different situations. Dunst nailed the role of tragic young Claudia.

The director failed to an extent because the film couldn't engage me. The acting was great but the images were quite dull throughout the movie. The gore is inexorable when the occasion calls for it. Apart from the gory scenes the film had nothing going for it. The drama seemed shallow and is staged appallingly. Maybe if the dialogue was a bit more fascinating (looking at the screenwriter for this flaw) then the film could have been a lot better.

Interview with the Vampire had potential that was spoilt in its execution. Apart from some creative ideas, intriguing imagery and stellar performances the film has little else to offer. Followed by Queen of the Damned.

"Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

This new version of the classic children's fantasy book had everything going for it: Tim Burton was helming the project, Johnny Depp is in the lead role, special effects were updated and improved, a great cast and impressive production values. What could go wrong, right?

A lot, apparently.

Sure, visually the film is stunning, but did anyone take a moment to consider a better script? Burton has paid more attention on the production design and visual effects as opposed to the script, character development and doing justice to the source material.

For starters the film is unnecessarily lengthy and corny at times, with new things being added and classic things from the book being removed. They actually didn't include Charlie's sin with the fizzy drinks! That was what made the original so innovative and exciting, but above all made Charlie a lot more human. It was a great part and a great concept as well. Instead they add a scene of what happens to the children + parents after leaving the factory. This doesn't do anything for the plot and is completely unnecessary.

What's more - there are pointless flashbacks of Willy Wonka's early days that make the film even longer than it already should be. The flashbacks were nothing more than an excuse for Burton to bring Christopher Lee into the picture. These flashbacks also kill all the mystery surrounding Willy Wonka that made me love the original book and movie in the first place! The flashbacks slow down the pacing as well. On the subject of pacing, the film's ending was an unnecessary detour into clichéd territory. Work needed to be done in that aspect.

Anyway, the film is a retelling of the classic Roald Dahl children's tale. Willy Wonka (Depp), the mysterious chocolate maker, had closed his factory for 20 years but decides to reopen it temporarily for 5 lucky children who find a golden ticket inside a Wonka chocolate bar.

That's pretty much the spoiler-free synopsis. Johnny Depp is an amazing actor (and, for the sake of the Depp lovers who may be reading this, attractive) and his version of the character is adorable. I will admit that he seems a little out of place in relation to the timeline. (He doesn't look a day over 35, but yet the factory was closed for 20 years...was he a teenager when he opened it?!) Depp gives the film its moments of comedic genius. I loved the hilarious dialogue he delivers throughout the movie. His lines are continually quotable, albeit childish. He continues to remind us all why he is the greatest actor of all time.

Freddie Highmore just isn't a very good Charlie Bucket, unfortunately. His lines sounded horrendously contrived. He's cute, but can't act.

Danny Elfman's score is one of the film's redeeming features. His score is evocative and exciting. Maybe a little bit too pleonastic but still enough to trigger one's imagination.

Tim Burton is one of my favourite directors of all time. The production design was lavish and attractive, with special effects that look extraordinary. Is there anything else to expect from a Burton movie? The man is a visionary and when I heard he was helming this project I felt relieved as he was talking about "how faithful to the source material" it would be. So why did he lie?

I'm sorry, Tim, but you missed the mark completely here. Only watch this one for the impressive, updated special effects and Depp as a better Willy Wonka.

In a nutshell: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a wasted opportunity. From a technical standpoint the film is flawless. There are a few actors that look out of place; however the film boasts production design that is delightful to exhibit.

"Perhaps, on your way home, someone will pass you in the dark, and you will never know it... for they will be from outer space."

Hailed as the worst film of all time, I generally tend to agree.

Wood has been famous for the way he makes films; be it the obvious fake props, the horrible screenplays or the hideous special effects used,

Wood put his mark on Hollywood as the worst film director in the history of mankind. Now I would agree with that statement, however it seems Uwe Boll has taken that place from Wood. Wood is better than Boll in ever way; Wood was a respectable person (Just watch Ed Wood, the Tim Burton film) whereas Boll needs his head checked and needs to be shot.

Plan 9 From Outer Space is one of the fakest films ever seen, and basically every scene looks so fake it's distracting! Cardboard tombstones, obvious painted backgrounds, etc.

So, anyway, in the film a bunch of aliens (Who look like humans, sound like humans and speak perfect English) instigate a plan where they will resurrect dead humans as vampires and zombies, controlling them with electronic doohickies, to prevent mankind from creating a Solaranite (A type of bomb).

The plot, the script, the direction, the special effects and everything else in this mess are laughably appalling. The film is so bad it's good and turns itself into a comedy. It really seems like a comedy, and nothing looks realistic! What's more - Bela Lugosi died a few days into filming and was replaced with a non-actor chiropractor who bears no resemblance to Bela, is taller than him and wears a mask across his face that makes the film even more laughable!

Yet despite all the horrendous ingredients in this mess; Plan 9 From Outer Space can be incredibly entertaining and essential viewing.

"A race of atomic supermen that will conquer the world!" as quoted by Bela Lugosi's character in another of Ed Wood's famously appalling films.

That quote pretty much sums up the plot...and the absolutely appalling screenplay.

Bride of the Monster is about a crazed doctor named Eric Vornoff who is experimenting with people to create his own "master race" of atomic people to rule the world.

Premise is weak, and executed appallingly! Performances are just woeful, with Lugosi visibly past his prime, Tor Johnson doing nothing more than zombie sleep-walking and a bit of roaring, and there's a few others that do nothing more than winge and moan, and add nothing to the story.

Script is horrible...I mean how did the actors ever agree to say such lines?! And the octopus...well it's so rubber and fake I believe even a novelty store would be fiercely ashmed to so much as glance at it. The attacking scenes...laughable. The opening attack scene was just dismal, with bad editing, bad acting and above all no believability at all.

The octopus never so much as touches the guy. All other attacks throughout the film are even worse...with an actor happily sitting amongst the tenticles and pulling the lifeless tenticles onto themself.

And don't get me started on the alligator...that scene was even worse. It was different in every shot, and is never seen in the same frame as the actor.

And what's more - a snake that looks out of place and suddenly turns all stiff and rubber a second before it's killed.

Regular on set goofs are visible, with shaking sets, and fake looking props. Heck, even when things get shot there's not so much as a bullet mark on them.

Those who've seen Tim Burton's biopic of Ed Wood will be familiar with the offscreen misadventures the crew faced.

The film is another trademark bad movie from Ed Wood...so bad it's very watchable and extremely funny at times. I watched it for its comedic entertainment value, and that's the only reason anyone should watch it.

"Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys... Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS... Beware... Take care... Beware!"

Glen or Glenda is the first movie by the world's worst director (of that time, that is) and has been hailed by many as the worst movie of all time.

Imaginative "docu-fantasy" has an interesting premise of examining cross-dressing transvestites...but it's Ed's horrible directing, terrible screenwriting, and above all the actor's appalling performances that made this film such a turkey.

Ed Wood stars (under the name of Daniel Davis) as a heterosexual transvestite who is trying to find the right time to reveal to his fiancée Barbara (Fuller) that he enjoys wearing women's clothing, and has been longing to wear her sweater.

The titles at the beginning, revealing that the film features some people who are actually transvestites, is very true for director Ed Wood as he plays a transvestite and was in reality a transvestite (as revealed in Tim Burton's much loved film Ed Wood).

The film examines traits of transvestites, and is narrated appallingly by Bela Lugosi. The use of terribly executed dream sequences (that are long, drawn out, boring, and unnecessary) and stock footage (that is obviously repeated more than once) adds to the already dismal movie...but it's so funny and must be seen to be believed.

The performances (every single one) are played out straight, but the actors are just saying lines without any degree of realism or tension, and they are seemingly played out for laughs.

And as for Bela Lugosi...well his career was long dead before he decided to star in this turkey. His use of the word "Bevare!" on many occasions would be warning enough to the viewing audience who decided to watch this flick.

Overall, Glen or Glenda is just plain appalling and is good for nothing than a few laughs. Sure, the premise is interesting and it reveals some worthwhile information...but the script, directing and acting are all as shocking as the facts revealed.

"Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true."

Point Break is simply a classic, highly entertaining action flick aimed at the mass market.

Keanu is new FBI agent recruit Johnny Utah. Young and ready for action, Utah is transferred to the band robbery division.

His first assignment is to investigate a string of bank robberies in Southern California that have been committed by a gang who call themselves 'The Ex-Presidents'. Going undercover, Utah infiltrates a group of surfers lead by surfer guru Bodhi (Swayze) and slowly learns to respect their lifestyle. These surfers are suspects in the investigation, so Utah must choose between his new friends or his duty that he has sworn to complete.

By this point in his career, Keanu Reeves still needed a few more acting lessons. For the most part he's incredibly wooden and lacking any emotion; spitting out words that sound rehearsed and unnatural.

Patrick Swayze was actually really good here. Thank God someone of Swayze's stature appeared in this movie. He almost manages to make up for Reeves' corny acting.

For an action movie, the script isn't too bad. Granted the film moves from cliché to cliché, and is very predictable...but at least it's entertaining!

The high energy action scenes make for essential viewing, especially for those who enjoy the genre.

Point Break is an action movie mixed with some energetic scenes of surfing. Some of the cinematography during the surfing scenes is fantastic, and the film is generally very entertaining.

It was great to see some characters pop up in Australia at the end. Worth a screening.