Reviews by PvtCaboose91

"Splitting up is a bad idea, it is much safer if we stay together!"

The credits for The Croods may list Monty Python alum John Cleese as a co-writer, but do not let this formality fool you. Cleese was only involved in the production's early stages many years ago when Aardman Animation was slated to produce it. Eventually, however, DreamWorks picked up the project and rehauled it, stripping away any flavour and wit it might have once possessed. As a result, The Croods is a by-the-book animated family flick in the vein of the Ice Age sequels, hitting all expected story beats and never really doing enough to stand out. Although it begins with promise, it plummets into mediocrity and never recovers, with dull characters, flat pacing, rote scripting and a lack of compelling conflict keeping The Croods from reaching its full potential. It may entertain the kids to an extent, but that's just not good enough.

The leader of a caveman family, Grug (Nicolas Cage) is profoundly terrified of the outside world, maintaining his mantra of "never not be afraid" and perpetually shielding his loved ones in their cave, including teenage daughter Eep (Emma Stone), wife Ugga (Catherine Keener), son Thunk (Clark Duke), toddler Sandy (Randy Thom), and his mother-in-law (Cloris Leachman). As a result of Grug's vigilance, they are seemingly the last family of their kind not to be wiped out by natural selection. Eep feels trapped, though, and grows curious about what the rest of the world holds. Lured out of the cave at night by the glow of a fire, Eep meets Guy (Ryan Reynolds) and his pet sloth Belt (Chris Sanders), an adventurous pair who warn Eep that the land is collapsing due to volcanos and earthquakes. Smitten with Guy, Eep pushes her family to join him after their cave collapses, setting out to find safer ground and a new place to call home. Grug is dragged out of his comfort zone, forced to confront the perils of the world while trying to protect his family.

Fortunately, writer-directors Chris Sanders and Kirk De Micco eschew pop culture references and trashy pop songs, which is groundbreaking for a DreamWorks production. This aspect aside, though, The Croods is extraordinarily by-the-numbers, abiding by an overly clichéd three-act structure and deploying character arcs straight out of the Animation 101 handbook. Unoriginality alone is not necessarily bad, but Sanders and De Micco lack the imagination and wit to allow the movie to genuinely soar. Moreover, the story's central message is confused and muddled. The flick posits that living within rules and routines is not living at all and that taking risks will give you a full life. However, one can understand Grug's viewpoint, as dangerous beasts populate the planet. Plus, the film explains at the beginning that all their neighbours have died, and the family only survived because of Grug's diligence. Sanders and De Micco seem to vilify Grug for no good reason. And is it really the best thing for a children's animated movie to tell its audience that they should run wild and not listen to their parents?

Simply put, The Croods should be far funnier. Ice Age may get drearier with each passing instalment, but it has an ace in the hole in the form of Scrat, whose acorn-related antics make those flicks worth watching at least once. Alas, The Croods does not have a Scrat. And without it, there's not much comedic vigour or punch to the material. Instead, Sanders and De Micco go through the predictable motions without making the picture goofy enough for the little kids or intelligent or mature enough for the adults. There was plenty of potential for the writer-directors to deliver a daring climax in the vein of How to Train Your Dragon (which was hugely affecting and exhilarating in equal measure), but Sanders and De Micco instead opt for bland safeness. Still, despite this negativity, The Croods has its pleasures, mainly the luscious animation and a handful of compelling set pieces, not to mention the creature designs. The Croods is all surface, but at least it is an effective surface at times.

Even though the material is basic, The Croods is livened to an extent by the cast. Rising star Emma Stone is a good fit for Eep, while the iconic Cloris Leachman is expectedly entertaining as the family's mother-in-law. But it's Cage who runs away with the whole movie (trust Cage to steal the show in an animated production), turning Grug into a lovable presence and even conveying emotion when the script calls for it. Instead of merely reciting lines, Cage fully commits to the character. Meanwhile, Clark Duke and Catherine Keener are decent enough, though Ryan Reynolds is so utterly non-descript and flavourless that you may not even realise he is voicing Guy.

DreamWorks animated movies are distinctly hit-and-miss. Whereas Pixar almost always produces good movies as long as the word "Cars" is not in the title, DreamWorks has only made a handful of memorable winners. Alas, audiences will not remember The Croods as one of the studio's best titles. It's not too shabby on its own terms, but it looks below-par when placed against other recent animated movies, like Rango, ParaNorman, How to Train Your Dragon, Toy Story 3 and Tangled. It's not funny or emotional enough. Perhaps if John Cleese remained aboard throughout the entire production or the movie stayed with Aardman, The Croods would've been more meaningful and impressive. As it is, it feels pre-packaged and cookie-cutter.

5.9/10

"That's how they git you. They're under the goddamned ground!"

A devilishly enjoyable creature feature, Tremors has understandably endured as a cult classic over the decades on account of its solid blend of comedy, horror, believable special effects and shrewd writing. In a nutshell, Tremors is a throwback to the B-grade monsters movies of old, but with a contemporary feel and a more agreeable tone. Director Ron Underwood also achieves the coveted "afternoon matinee" charm, rendering this a flat-out fun motion picture no matter your mood. It's one of few films that achieves an ideal balance of comedy and horror, and it's also one of the best PG-13, family-friendly horrors you will ever see.

A pair of hillbilly handymen, Valentine McKee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward) make their living carrying out various jobs here and there. Heading into the flyspeck town of Perfection, Nevada in search of work, they meet graduation student Rhonda LeBeck (Finn Carter), an expert in seismology who begins recording some strange readings underground. People soon begin to go missing and a few dead bodies show up, putting the locals on edge. Investigating the matter, McKee and Bassett discover an array of giant wormlike creatures called Graboids living under the ground, with sharp teeth and huge, gaping maws. Able to take down cars and break into structures, the denizens of Perfection - including gun-toting hillbilly couple Burt (Michael Gross) and Heather (Reba McEntire) - are forced to hide on the roofs of any available building, seeking a way to destroy the threat or escape to safer pastures before they fall victim to starvation, dehydration or Graboid consumption.

Rather than simply imitating their influences, screenwriters S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock improve upon '50s creature features by introducing interesting and resourceful characters. None of the folks here are as brainless as one would expect from the genre: they actually grow to learn about the Graboids, and start thinking and strategising, much like normal people would do in such a situation. Added to this, the dialogue is strong throughout, full of witty bantering and clever exchanges. Especially strong is the amusing interplay between McKee and Bassett. The pair feel like long-time friends, and the script gives them quirks to heighten their personality (they solve arguments with games of "Rock, Paper, Scissors"). Another strong element of Tremors is that it doesn't feel the need to reveal everything about these giant worms, leaving their origins a complete mystery. Most monster movies are saddled with tiresome exposition, but Tremors is played with more smarts. Rhonda may be the trademark scientist of the piece, but her theories are terse and the discussions make sense. Consequently, the film is endowed with a snappy pace.

Tremors also transcends the monster movie genre by creating real tension and employing a sense of creativity in shot construction. Underwood does not show the big menaces immediately, instead using Jaws-like POV shots, building curiosity about the worms. The monsters are revealed slowly, too; Underwood teases us with fleeting glimpses at first before giving us the full picture. And when the creatures do emerge, they look highly convincing. The Graboids were executed through practical animatronics, giving them a tangible disposition than computers cannot replicate. Better yet, the illusion still stands today. Underwood also gets the tone right; Tremors is silly and funny, but not a dumb parody. The film has a sense of humour, but the narrative is taken seriously as well. The Graboids do post a threat, leading to some intense confrontational sequences and shocking kills. It's the fun-loving sensibility which gives the picture its charm, derived from the amusing chatter and a few awesomely ridiculous scenes (Burt and Heather do not take kindly to a monster intruding into their firearm-laden basement).

Cast chemistry represents another strong asset of Tremors, as the actors give admirable life to the delightful screenplay. Front and centre are Bacon and Ward, who make for a great comedic team, bouncing off one another beautifully. The pair's repartee keeps the film fun to watch throughout, and it's hard to imagine any other actors being this effective. However, Bacon and Ward are pretty much shown up by Michael Gross, who was given the best character and the best dialogue to sink his teeth into. Equally good is country singer McEntire, making her film debut here as Burt's feisty wife. Young Ariana Richards also appears here, getting off rather easy compared to what she was about to go through in Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park just three years later.

Naturally, Tremors has its flaws - some of the music is a bit chintzy, a pole vaulting sequence feels a bit awkward, and a kiss before the end credits is cheesy as hell - but it holds up surprisingly well for an early '90s creature feature (it's aged far more gracefully than Anaconda). It might not have been much of a box office hit when initially released, but it picked up steam as people discovered it on home video and cable TV, leading to a handful of sequels and a television show. This is due to the fact that Tremors is hard to dislike, assuming you enjoy having a good time. Without being an award winner, it's a dynamite comedy-horror which is worth your time and never gets old.

8.3/10

"Time to meet the devil."

An unreasonable amount of expectation surrounded 2013's Only God Forgives, as it's the second collaboration of director Nicolas Winding Refn and star Ryan Gosling after 2011's Drive. Fans of Drive expecting something similar will be disappointed - you see, Drive was, in fact, more of a gun-for-hire project for Refn, who was called upon to put his distinct audio-visual stamp on a script by James Sallis. Only God Forgives, on the other hand, is a Refn project through and through, finding the Danish filmmaker both writing and directing this breathtaking, surreal mood piece that ponders the futility of revenge. The product is destined to be 2013's most polarising motion picture, though this reviewer found the experience utterly absorbing. It's pure art-house all the way through to its core, with deliberate pacing, ambiguous scripting and extended patches of wordless imagery.

In Bangkok, lowlife drug dealer Billy (Tom Burke) rapes and kills a 16-year-old prostitute, leading to his murder at the hands of the girl's father, spurred on by corrupt police captain Chang (Vithaya Pansringarm). Billy's brother Julian (Gosling) is compelled into a vendetta of vengeance, which is further fuelled by the arrival of the boys' mother, Crystal (Kristin Scott Thomas). Crystal demands bloodshed in response to Billy's murder, but this only provokes more violence, attracting Chang's attention as he transforms into a relentless machine. Amid the carnage, Julian finds solace in the company of young dancer Mai (Yayaying Rhatha Phongam).

Only God Forgives is irretrievably dark, with a sense of dread and malevolence permeating every frame. Mainstream viewers are advised to steer clear, as Refn is not interested in selling tickets to you; this is an exquisitely stylish but methodically slow neo-noir tour through Thailand's criminal underworld. It further demonstrates Refn's unique modus operandi, as it's another tale of a broken loner trying to navigate the savage world in which he resides. The film is unadulterated madness, and Refn gives us ample time to observe the horrors and poses, supported by a superbly atmospheric score by Drive composer Cliff Martinez. The music amplifies the experience and enhances the tone, affording an orchestral voice to a movie that's light on dialogue. Indeed, Only God Forgives prefers to show rather than tell. And what a show!

Refn's idiosyncrasies as a filmmaker are unique and distinctive; anyone familiar with Drive, Valhalla Rising or the Pusher movies will recognise his proclivity for extended pauses, stylish photography, short bursts of vicious violence, and a refusal to close on a definitive note. Shot on location in Bangkok, Only God Forgives benefits from its authentic flavour, as characters often speak in their foreign dialect, and the depiction of Thailand is not Americanized to any degree. Being a Refn production, there are scenes of bloodshed, and they are both ferocious and perfectly executed. Bodies are sliced open, and people are tortured in borderline unspeakable ways, and Refn lets us observe in graphic detail, though he manages the remarkable feat of being tasteful. A less skilful filmmaker would elect the overt torture porn approach, but Refn knows when to cut away, imbuing Only God Forgives with a rare sense of class. It's not that Refn was too scared to show everything - it's that he was astute enough to not cross the line into bad taste, and some occurrences here are so horrifying that mere implication is disturbing enough. It genuinely feels as if every audio-visual component of Only God Forgives was subject to heavy deliberation. A cinema screening is the best way to experience it, as you're more able to absorb the tremendous craftsmanship.

However, not everything in Refn's script gels - there are scenes that either go too far (some of the symbolism is pretty heavy-handed) or make no sense beyond gratuitous shock value (Julian mutilates a character's dead body in a completely baffling moment). Suffice it to say, Refn's style denies a strong human element, meaning emotional investment is impossible. Only God Forgives doesn't engage on a profound level, but that doesn't mean it's shallow; on the contrary, the thoughtfulness and deliberateness of its composition is stunning. It's David Lynch-esque in its construction, with Refn embracing abstract tendencies, blurring the line between reality and fantasy in sequences that explore the emptiness of Julian's soul. A great deal of patience is required to sit through Only God Forgives, particularly whenever Refn's camera returns to a karaoke bar to observe Chang pouring his heart out through singing. Such moments did elicit a few laughs in my screening, but I found the scenes almost unbearably poignant, especially with the knowledge that karaoke singing is a significant aspect of Thai culture.

Gosling may be perceived as the star here, but he's very understated, delivering maybe twenty lines of dialogue throughout the movie's runtime. It's a near-mute performance of nuanced stares, and it's astonishing to see how much emotion he can convey without uttering a word. Gosling doesn't just rehash his Drive persona, though; instead, he creates a distinct new character for Julian. Equally good is Thomas, who's the complete opposite of Gosling, dispersing vulgar dialogue and never baulking from speaking her mind. She's certainly broad, but it works, as she adds spunk to what is otherwise a wordless staring contest. Even better, though, is newcomer Vithaya Pansringarm, who's absolute dynamite as Chang. He's such an unexpectedly interesting character; one moment, he's committing indescribable acts of violence, and the next, he's showing his delicate side. Pansringarm is a powerhouse, and it's his haunting performance that will stick with you the most. Also deserving of praise is the beautiful Yayaying Rhatha Phongam, who keeps pace with Gosling and shares several memorable scenes with him.

Only God Forgives is another superb feather in Refn's cinematic cap: an avant-garde experiment in strange beauty and harrowing horror concerned with existential questions and the mysticism of Asia. At a scant 90 minutes, it gets in and out without feeling agonisingly protracted or overlong. You'll either love Only God Forgives or despise it; there's not much of a middle ground. Some viewers will go along for the ride, while others will ridicule the movie as pointless and uneventful. Do not even consider watching it unless you're prepared to keep your mind open and allow Refn's surreal cinematic spell to wash over the screen.

8.1/10

"I feel like there's something in this house."

Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed Scary Movie 3 and 4, laughing out loud several times during both films. But whatever enjoyment I once derived from the series has vanished with Scary Movie 5, or Scary MoVie as it's officially entitled. The need for a Scary Movie 5 is highly questionable in the first place, as the series is no longer relevant. After all, seven years have elapsed since 2006's Scary Movie 4, and, in the interim, the horror genre has been lampooned with more creativity in semi-comedic films like Cabin in the Woods and Zombieland. Plus, Scary Movie 5's main target is the Paranormal Activity franchise, which was already sent up in A Haunted House a few months beforehand. It shouldn't come as any surprise to learn that Scary Movie 5 is not just awful, but offensively so; an obnoxious waste of time and money that wouldn't even be able to entertain the lowest common denominator.

After the mysterious death of Charlie Sheen (played by himself), his three orphaned kids are found in a cabin in the woods. Retrieved in a feral condition, they're adopted by their uncle Dan (Simon Rex) and his girlfriend Jody (Ashley Tisdale). The children claim to have a supernatural protector known as "Mama," which unnerves their new guardians as odd things begin to happen around the house. Setting up security cameras and walking around with camcorders to capture everything that goes down in their residence, Dan and Jody eventually call in a psychic to deal with the situation. Meanwhile, Jody is dealing with a stressful upcoming ballet performance, and Dan has problems at the genetics lab where he experiments with chimps.

Aside from the obvious Paranormal Activity spoofing, Scary Movie 5 also sends up Mama, which was released a short three months before this dogshit polluted multiplexes. Also parodied is 2013's Evil Dead, which was released just a week prior. (It wouldn't be surprising if Scary Movie 5 did in fact start production just a week before its scheduled release date, since it's so sloppy.) Bizarrely, the film also targets internet memes for no discernible reason, while 50 Shades of Grey is spoofed despite not even being a movie yet. Other targets include Inception and Black Swan, even though those movies came out three years ago, while Rise of the Planet of the Apes gets a look in, just because. The script for Scary Movie 5 is actually credited to David Zucker and Pat Proft, both of whom contributed to The Naked Gun. (Zucker was also responsible for Airplane!, arguably the funniest film of all time.) Now, the pair could not devise a funny joke at gunpoint. At one stage, a character has a massive bout of flatulence that sends people flying all over the place, and the narrator complains about the smell. Are you sure you want to watch this movie now?

The biggest issue with Scary Movie 5 is that it simply does not feel like a cohesive movie - it feels like a series of YouTube skits strung together without any thought towards narrative cohesion or dramatic momentum. The last two instalments were pretty much a string of skits as well, but at least they made sense and built up to their respective endings. Here, the climax takes all of two minutes and happens completely out of the blue. There's no care or passion behind the picture - it's as if the filmmakers were rushing through every set-up, wanting to get it done as soon as possible and not caring about how slipshod their work might be. And get this: for whatever reason, when a couple of characters are driving between locations, we see a few odd shots of an empty toy car. It looks like it's meant to be the set-up for some kind of comedic payoff, but the moment never arrives. Is the toy car meant to be a gag, or is it meant to look real? Was the film made on such a cheap budget that they couldn't afford to shoot a proper car driving by? What the fuck is this shit?

Scary Movie 5 is not just unfunny but obnoxiously unfunny, with failed gags that not only fall flat but outright offend. The filmmakers must have purposely set out to make an unwatchable finished product because no writers or directors in their right minds could deem this material tolerable by any stretch of the imagination. In the entire film, I chuckled twice. I did not laugh out loud at any point - I just chuckled. Hence, there are maybe 30 seconds of worthwhile footage in the 90-minute movie, and that estimate is generous. Terry Crews even shows up at one stage, only to score absolutely no laughs at all. Crews has been in his fair share of bad movies, but even at his worst, he's usually funny. But not here. Scary Movie 5 is such a black hole of awfulness that not even Terry Crews can make successful jokes within it. There's actually barely enough material here to justify a feature-length runtime due to the threadbare plot, hence it ends about the 75-minute mark, after which a horrendous 15-minute blooper reel unfolds over the closing credits. I worked at a cinema that screened this malarkey, and at no point did I witness a single patron sit through it all. Everyone wanted to leave. On more than one occasion, I heard customers complaining about how terrible the movie was. Poor souls.

Perhaps the film's woeful disposition can be attributed to one thing: up to 70% of the content was shot two months ahead of its scheduled release. Reportedly, the original cut was essentially a different flick altogether, but reshoots occurred in February 2013 to change the storyline completely. If that's not a red flag, I do not know what is. Scary Movie 5 goes beyond the bottom of the barrel; it's disgracefully stupid and fucking retarded. Even the brain-dead would be capable of making a better movie. A few months ago, I proclaimed that Movie 43 was the worst motion picture of 2013, believing it to be scientifically impossible for any movie to be worse. Lo and behold, I must eat my words: Scary Movie 5 is worse than Movie 43. Do not see this movie under any circumstances. It will cause you physical pain.

ZERO FUCKING STARS

"This time, we're going to see this through to the bitter end! Or lager end..."

In the interim since Hot Fuzz in 2007, Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have moved onto bigger things: Wright dabbled in Hollywood moviemaking with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, while Pegg and Frost starred in Paul, as well as a host of other American projects. It's exciting to see the guys reuniting six years on, getting back to their British roots to put their own trademark spin on the science fiction genre with 2013's The World's End. The third instalment in the trio's Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, the flick further demonstrates the superb spoofing instincts of writers Wright and Pegg, who employ their extensive knowledge of cinema to pay homage to genre classics while still creating a mightily entertaining and original classic of their own. The World's End is a different type of endeavour for the lads, but it's no less satisfying than Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, closing the trilogy with heart, plenty of rambunctious mischief, and a few nice pints of beer.

In the early 1990s, five schoolboy friends led by fearless rebel Gary King (Simon Pegg) set out to conquer "The Golden Mile" - that is, a pub crawl involving twelve taverns that concludes at The World's End. Alas, the boyhood chums fall short of the final pub, which haunts Gary into his adult life. Now in his forties, Gary has hit rock bottom. To pull himself out of the doldrums, he hatches a plan to reunite with his former pals and attempt The Golden Mile once again. Tracking down family man Peter (Eddie Marsan), divorced contractor Steven (Paddy Considine), stuffy real estate agent Oliver (Martin Freeman) and corporate lawyer Andy (Nick Frost), Gary leads them back to their old stomping grounds in Newton Haven, where the drinking soon commences and the gang are joined by Oliver's sister Sam (Rosamund Puke). However, it quickly becomes clear that things have changed, as nobody seems to remember them, and the people act strangely. Discovering that something quite sinister could be happening, the pub crawl nevertheless remains a goal at the forefront of Gary's mind, who's determined to reach The World's End no matter the cost.

Compared to other 2013 comedies like This is the End, The World's End is not one of the funniest movies you will see this year. However, it is one of the most satisfying because it supplements its flat-out fun disposition with genuine creativity. Similar to Hot Fuzz, Wright and Pegg take a deceptively simple premise and run with it; the big picture is a lot bigger than initially anticipated, resulting in several twists and turns that lead the story in unexpected directions. By the time we reach the story's dénouement, we're much further from the pub crawl conceit than we could have ever imagined. Added to this, The World's End is arguably the most poignant addition to the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy. Wright aims for depth and heart, with the relationship between Gary and Andy instilling the narrative with a solid emotional centre and allowing for a shrewd examination of friendship and growing up. The World's End is pure class, assembled by a creative team who care about their craft. It's an utter treat to see such an altogether unique comedy emerge from this cinematic climate dominated by remakes, reboots and sequels.

The World's End is not on the same level as Shaun or Hot Fuzz in terms of laughs, which may be disappointing for some. To be sure, a funnier screenplay could've catapulted the picture into the stratosphere, but Wright's directorial approach compensates for this. You see, as opposed to other modern "comedies" like Movie 43 and Scary Movie 5, The World's End does not live and die by its comedy. Wright is not perpetually on the prowl for another laugh; he never loses sight of the importance of storytelling, tension, or effective mise-en-scène. The World's End is not always hilarious, but it's never boring, and that's a huge compliment for a comedy. Even if you don't laugh much, you'll still enjoy the story.

Of course, The World's End contains callbacks to the earlier collaborations of Wright, Pegg and Frost; it would not be a constituent of the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy without a Cornetto, and there are surprise cameos here from some of the Spaced gang. The movie is also filled with nods to genre classics, including Village of the Damned and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, in addition to more obscure titles. However, Wright's style, voice and energy as a filmmaker ensure that The World's End transcends homage to become its own entity. Wright is an adamant film connoisseur, as well, shooting on 35mm film as opposed to the cheaper digital alternative. Consequently, The World's End looks beautiful. The film-like appearance enhances the sense of atmosphere, and the cinematography by Bill Pope is far more skilful than we had any right to expect on a project like this. Pope is actually an award-winning cinematographer who also lensed The Matrix and Spider-Man 2, and his immense talents are a tremendous asset. Furthermore, Wright continues to display his knack for great action scenes here, orchestrating a number of brawls that are thrilling and amusing in equal measure.

Admirably, Pegg and Frost do not rely on their usual comic shtick here, instead playing characters with more nuance. Pegg does play a fairly standard character type, but there are deeper aspects to the role that gradually emerge as the story progresses, and the manic energy that Pegg brings to the table is truly marvellous. After all, Gary grows more and more intoxicated as the story goes on, and Pegg manages to maintain consistency. Frost, meanwhile, portrays something of a sad sack, which is wholly unexpected considering the scenery-chewing roles he's played in the past. Fortunately, he pulls it off with confidence, and this may open up a whole lot of new doors for the actor. As for the rest of the gang, Freeman, Considine and Marsan all place forth competent performances and provide solid support for Pegg and Frost.

As with Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, The World's End undoubtedly improves on repeat viewings when you know what to expect and can better absorb the nuances of the filmmaking and storytelling. Rather than an out-and-out comedy like its predecessors, this is more of a Brit sci-fi flick with a few laughs, and it definitely works in this sense, even though a wittier script and a few more jokes would not have gone astray. The World's End is definitely a suitable conclusion for the Cornetto Trilogy due to its unexpected climax and the word "end" in its title. However, I hope that this won't be the last time Wright, Pegg and Frost get together to make a movie...

8.6/10

"I've been trying to find you for over a year. My employer's dying, he wants to thank you for saving his life."

Even the most die-hard X-Men fans cannot defend 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a misguided disaster in every conceivable way. It would seem that even the folks behind the film acknowledge its awfulness, so now we have 2013's The Wolverine, which distances itself from its forerunner by avoiding a numerical appendage and not tying into its events. Luckily, The Wolverine is a vast improvement over the previous movie, with director James Mangold delivering the best cinematic representation of Logan/Wolverine to date, on top of presenting the defining appearance of Hugh Jackman in the titular role. Mangold's picture smartly avoids including as many mutant cameos as possible, instead delivering a lean, focused action-thriller. Based on a popular comic series from the 1980s, The Wolverine succeeds due to its grounded nature, with the writers choosing to create a character study instead of a dumb blockbuster.

Picking up a few years after 2006's X-Men: The Last Stand, the story finds Logan (Jackman) in the Alaskan wilderness living off the land. Haunted by the death of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Logan wishes to live in solitude, in fear of endangering anyone else he holds dear. He's soon tracked down by Yukio (Rila Fukushima), who summons Logan to Japan at the behest of billionaire industrialist Yashida (Hal Yamanouchi). Logan saved Yashida from an atomic bomb during WW2, and now the former soldier is on his deathbed, wanting to say goodbye to his old friend. However, Logan is also offered an unexpected proposition: the chance to be relieved of his regenerative abilities, allowing him to live the life of a mortal. Yashida wants to live forever and wants Logan's abilities transferred to him. Despite refusing the offer, Logan is soon stripped of his powers, making him vulnerable to attack as he works to protect Yashida's granddaughter, Mariko (Tao Okamoto), from vicious Yakuza thugs.

Once Logan and Mariko go on the run, the narrative becomes a tad convoluted, as character loyalties are blurry, and there are a few twists that probably will not hold up on repeat viewings. Still, the attempt at sophistication is appreciated, especially in light of the movie's horrendous predecessor. The Wolverine also excels in its depiction of Logan. The issue with many superhero movies, especially X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is that the hero is invincible, rendering the conflicts predictable and unexciting. Writers Mark Bomback, Scott Frank and Christopher McQuarrie fortunately rectify that problem here, as the story explores Wolverine's vulnerabilities, making for much more engaging viewing. Without his immortality, Logan enters a combat scenario more susceptible to injury and even death, heightening tension.

There's an underlying stream of psychological complexity to The Wolverine, which is entirely welcome. Rather than the dumb action theatrics of the previous outing, the script explores the effects of Wolverine's immortality on his psyche, and this is a predominantly character-based story, without a big bang every ten minutes, just for the sake of it. Logan here is a fleshed-out, three-dimensional character, and his sadness over Jean's death humanises him and lends unexpected weight to his quest. The drama and character development here are undeniably classy, and they are handled with much more competency than one would expect in a summer blockbuster, which is a testament to Mangold's talents as a dramatic filmmaker. It's a shame, though, that the movie succumbs to overblown blockbuster sensibilities into its final third. Granted, this is a summer film, but the need for a big action climax is questionable, especially one as cartoonish as this, clashing with the tone established in the first two acts. It feels as if one person wrote the drama, while the final act was created by someone else entirely. Considering that McQuarrie's script was reportedly rewritten by dumb action film veteran Mark Bomback (Live Free or Die Hard, the Total Recall remake), this could actually be the case.

Keeping the picture afloat at all times is the craftsmanship. Mangold is a skilled director, and Ross Emery's cinematography is also marvellous. Setting The Wolverine in Japan for most of its duration gives the production a different feeling than other superhero movies. The elegant Japanese sets, the sense of culture and the production design bestow the picture with a unique flavour, not to mention the proceedings owe more to samurai movies than modern-day comic book flicks. For the most part, the action scenes are magnificent, most notably a breathtaking conflict atop a bullet train that looked cheesy in the trailers but turns out to be a real highlight. And while the climax is overblown to a detriment, it's still watchable, thanks to Mangold's competent touch. Unfortunately, however, The Wolverine is a PG-13 film, which is a problem since Mangold is clearly pulling punches. At times, shaky-cam and prohibitive editing are used to mask Wolverine's kills, and it feels inorganic and awkward due to the serious tone of the piece. The Wolverine didn't need to be a cheap gore-fest, but a brutal, real depiction of Wolverine's abilities would be more satisfying and coherent. Likewise, Wolverine swears from time to time here, but it feels as if he's holding back, and a less restrictive rating could've livened the dialogue.

Recovering from the 2009 movie with panache, Jackman delivers an exceptional performance as Logan, confidently handling the rage-fuelled action scenes and the dramatic stuff with effortless abandon. The script introduces a tender side to Wolverine, which Jackman again handles well; he conveys the inner anguish of the role and brings out the tortured aspects of Logan's psyche to laudable effect. He also reached his pinnacle physique for the movie - Jackman himself has said that he finally achieved the build he always dreamed of for Wolverine, and it shows. Fortunately, the supporting cast is strong, with Mangold predominantly relying on authentic Asian performers instead of big stars. Newcomers Fukushima and Okamoto are especially good, while Svetlana Khodchenkova makes a strong impression as Viper, a mutant with poisonous abilities. The only other recognisable actor here is Janssen, whose part amounts to a cameo, though Will Yun Lee (Red Dawn, Die Another Day) also appears.

Every superhero movie these days is concerned with universe-building, from the classy way that Marvel does it to the shoddy method employed by The Amazing Spider-Man. For the most part, The Wolverine stands alone, telling an independent story without the need to pull in a heady roster of familiar faces or comic book characters. There is, however, a mid-credits scene that you must stick around for which teases the future of the X-Men series. You could not pay me to reveal what happens in the scene, who cameos in it, or what end it achieves, but suffice it to say, it's a stunner. All in all, The Wolverine is a pleasant surprise, far better than this reviewer had anticipated. It gets the tone of Wolverine right, explores his personality in a potent way, and shows off his berserker rage. Nevertheless, one cannot help but wonder what Darren Aronofsky could've made of this project if he hadn't dropped out in pre-production, as he reportedly aspired to create the brutal, full-blooded, R-rated Wolverine flick that we've been waiting for. Now, that would've been phenomenal.

7.3/10

"A bug invasion will not happen on my watch."

It's surprising that 1997's Starship Troopers never managed to spawn a proper franchise. Directed by Paul Verhoeven and based on Robert Heinlein's 1959 sci-fi novel, the original Troopers was a spectacular action extravaganza, conveying a sprawling war story backed by strong social satire and competent production values. Alas, its disappointing box office squashed series potential, only leading to a cancelled TV series and two horrendous straight-to-video sequels that fans would prefer to forget about. Luckily, 2012's Starship Troopers: Invasion is a slight but welcome step in the right direction despite being a moderately low-budget, straight-to-video, all-CGI production. Invasion restores a convincing sense of scope to the series, contributing to and expanding the Troopers mythology in the hope of finally sparking that long-overdue franchise. It's not perfect by any means, but it's impressive enough considering its origins, and die-hard Troopers fans should have a ball with the action scenes.

In deep space, the mobile infantry soldiers aboard the spaceship Alesia are assigned to clear out a bug infestation at military outpost Fort Casey. Meanwhile, intelligence officer Carl Jenkins (Justin Doran, replacing Neil Patrick Harris from the original movie) commandeers the spaceship John A. Warden for a classified mission, much to the chagrin of the ship's captain, Carmen Ibanez (Luci Christian, replacing Denise Richards). Joining the soldiers aboard the Alesia following their latest mission, Ibanez soon receives word that the John A. Warden has stopped responding, suggesting that bugs might have overrun the ship. The soldiers, along with Ibanez and the team's incarcerated leader, Henry "Hero" Varro (David Wald), are sent to board the John A. Warden to investigate, with no clue that they could be walking into an insidious trap set by the alien bugs. Overseeing the operation from afar is General Johnny Rico (David Matranga, replacing Casper Van Dien), who's compelled to get involved when the John A. Warden begins an unstoppable descent towards Earth.

Invasion wears its budget on its sleeve. Director Shinji Aramaki did not have the benefit of a blank cheque to breathe life into the script, compelling the creative team to do the very best job possible with meagre resources. The most underwhelming aspect of Invasion is the animation. While the CGI excels in terms of ships, landscapes and armour, facial detailing is underdone, and a lot of human movement looks robotic and unnatural, not to mention that the characters at no point look to be imbued with souls. Additional problems arise with the dialogue, as lip synchronisation is spotty at best. This is more than likely because it was intended to be in multiple languages, but it's distracting nevertheless. Invasion more or less feels like a feature-length video game cut scene, as it also lacks the energy to sustain proper momentum. Furthermore, the music is very chintzy, solidifying the production's "video game cut scene" sensibility, and the movie feels more like a generic space game (think Halo) than an intelligent sci-fi like Verhoeven's masterpiece.

Fans of 1997's Starship Troopers will enjoy seeing Johnny Rico, Carl Jenkins and Carmen Ibanez make a return, though the novelty is somewhat ruined since they each have different voices and faces. The absence of Neil Patrick Harris is somewhat understandable, but are Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards really that busy these days? Van Dien's absence is especially baffling since he has an executive producer credit. Outside the returning protagonists, Invasion is populated with a host of halfway interesting but largely forgettable soldiers, albeit with nifty nicknames such as "Ratzass" and "Ice Blonde." Most interesting is the character of "Trig," who's given a backstory revealing that she uses a homemade .50 calibre rifle that kills bugs with a single shot. But for the most part, the characters are lost in the thick of the action due to the pedestrian script that suffers from bland dialogue and poor characterisation.

On a brighter note, Invasion stays true to its lineage; it's as blood-soaked and gory as any of the previous movies, with the animation graphically depicting plenty of insect goo, severed limbs, and blood and guts. There's also a bit of CGI female nudity for anyone who enjoys that sort of thing (I'm perfectly happy with live-action T&A, thanks). To the credit of the filmmakers, the shoot-'em-up scenes are often exciting and make for enjoyable viewing, though things do get repetitive; we can only see clusters of men shooting at bugs so many times before scenes begin bleeding together.

It's crucial to watch Invasion with tempered expectations, knowing full well what to expect: a fun but ultimately insignificant straight-to-video sequel that in no way feels like a theatrical film. With more money and better resources, the resultant movie could have been epic, but what we have here is decent, at least. It's probably too late at this stage to ask for a true sequel, but at least we'll always have the 1997 original, which delivers more than just pure action.

5.8/10

"I think this individual might be mentally ill..."

With a great deal of talent both in front of and behind the camera, The Heat seemed like a can't-miss comedy. The last time director Paul Feig helmed a theatrical comedy, the result was 2011's surprise hit Bridesmaids, which turned Melissa McCarthy into a star. Reteaming with McCarthy for an R-rated buddy cop actioner, Feig falls short of recapturing the magic of Bridesmaids, with the screenplay providing very little substance for the predominantly able cast to work with. Despite all that it had going for it, The Heat is an oddly flaccid comedy, providing very few worthwhile scenes in what's otherwise an overlong mess.

A by-the-book, repressed FBI Agent based in NYC, Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) is promised consideration for a promotion if she heads to Boston to bring down a drug operation. Although she believes she has the situation in the bag, she finds herself hindered by the foul-mouthed, reckless Shannon Mullins (McCarthy), an unbalanced detective unwilling to let Ashburn handle her case. The pair fail to see eye to eye but are forced to team up to get the job done. Due to their opposite approaches to law enforcement, a great deal of friction develops between Mullins and Ashburn, which is only exacerbated by a couple of DEA agents (Dan Bakkedahl and Taran Killam) who disapprove of their efforts. Suffice it to say, it doesn't take long for Mullins and Ashburn to bond.

The script for The Heat may be credited to Parks and Recreation veteran Kate Dippold, but the extent of her input is a mystery. Although the narrative is technically about drugs, Feig doesn't seem too interested in this stuff; The Heat amounts to an endless string of superfluous scenes spotlighting the improvisational skills of its actors, interspersed with a few references to the big picture every once in a while that ultimately lead nowhere. The Buddy Cop Film formula is in full force here, with Dippold and Feig filling the picture with cliché after cliché. The notion of clichés is not wrong in itself, but The Heat fails to re-energise its familiar narrative parts; instead, it feels like the film is perfunctorily ticking all the boxes, hoping that the talents of the stars will be enough to make it work. Unfortunately, it's not enough to sustain the film's two-hour duration, a ludicrously overlong running time for a picture with a disposable plotline. To Feig's credit, the flick is skilfully assembled, and isolated set pieces do shine at least. However, there is one ridiculously fake explosion towards the end that's more awkward than funny.

What's most baffling about The Heat is its shortage of genuinely funny gags. The formulaic script and extended runtime could be forgiven if only the movie provided big laughs, but it only delivers in fits and starts. Much of the dialogue was clearly improvised, and after a while, the profanity-laced bantering simply grows tiring. In fact, many of the jokes that worked in the two-minute red-band trailer actually fall flat here. The biggest problem is Feig's inability to discipline his picture or keep it on a leash; his all-but-the-kitchen sink approach leads to far too many unnecessary scenes with limp comedic payoffs that do not advance the plot in any way. Take, for instance, a strange scene in which Ashburn attempts an emergency tracheotomy on someone who's choking. It's meant to reinforce that both protagonists are misguided, but we've seen this point demonstrated enough already, and the scene has no comedic value at all (it played to awkward silence in my cinema). There are also too many scenes involving McCarthy brandishing her firearm, a personality trait that delves into the realm of callous bad taste when she threatens a nurse in a hospital ER because she's told not to use her cell phone.

Those tired of McCarthy's brand of humour will not find much here to change their minds - this is very much an autopilot role for the actress, who was called upon to infuse Mullins with her unique shtick. She provokes a few laughs here and there, to be sure, but the material is beneath her talents, and it's disheartening to see McCarthy wasting her time on films like this, Identity Thief, and The Hangover Part III. As for Bullock, her comedic chops are questionable, but she's not too bad here. It's hard to summon a great deal of enthusiasm about her, though, to be honest. The rest of the cast is packed with familiar faces with nothing to do as they take the back seat to make more room for McCarthy and Bullock. Marlon Wayans achieves precisely nothing as an FBI agent, though Frank F. Wilson (Biff from Back to the Future!!!) is a highlight as Mullins' boss. Oh, and Michael Rapaport shows up as Mullins' brother in what must be his first big-screen appearance since the '90s.

Admittedly, The Heat does have its moments, but the laughs are too few and far between for such a punishingly overlong motion picture. Feig was not interested in shaping a tight comedy, instead prolonging the experience as much as possible, leading to a dreary and directionless final product. Whatever potential might have existed in the original script disappears in the hands of this creative team.

4.9/10

"Something horrible happened here..."

The Conjuring is 2013's must-see scary movie, following in the shadow of 2012's Sinister and director James Wan's own 2011 flick, Insidious. Written by Chad and Carey Hayes, this is a horror outing that favours tension and restraint over in-your-face bedlam, confirming that Wan is a master of the genre who's almost unparalleled in his ability to conjure pure terror. Wan is also notable for paying attention to one aspect often neglected by his contemporaries: atmosphere. Horror movies can have jump-scares and bloodletting, but it's ultimately the mood and tone that matters in the long run, as such elements can transform bumps in the night into an experience that will haunt you for weeks. Add to this a handful of strong performances from an able cast, beautiful filmmaking and a sharp script, and The Conjuring deserves every bit of acclaim it receives.

Real-life figures Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) examined several supernatural occurrences during their time as paranormal investigators. Supposedly, the married pair once encountered a case so petrifying and malevolent that they tried to keep it under wraps - and it's this case that forms the basis of The Conjuring. Set in 1971, the Perron family move into a rural house purchased at auction, with parents Carolyn (Lili Taylor) and Roger (Ron Livingston) looking to build a cosy new life with their five daughters. At night, the family begins encountering strange smells, weird noises and unexplained events, which rapidly escalate in viciousness. Low on options, the frantic Carolyn convinces the Warrens to investigate, ultimately discovering that the household's supernatural presence is far more devious and sinister than they could have imagined.

As with any film purported to be based on true events, one must wonder how much of the script is actually true (my guess: not much), but this query hardly spoils the nail-biting experience of The Conjuring. Wan and his writers defy expectations by assembling a character-based horror rather than a straight-up haunted house movie draped in unoriginality. Ed and Lorraine function as the trademark experts, but the characters here are fully-realised, three-dimensional, and interesting. In fact, they approach each case as sceptics, making them a lot more relatable. For its first two-thirds, The Conjuring splits its focus, covering the woes of the Perron family whilst occasionally cutting away to the Warrens to give us a glimpse into their personal lives. It's absorbing. Furthermore, the lingering query of "Why don't they just leave the house?" is addressed almost instantaneously once the Warrens enter the picture, asserting that the family do not have the funds to move and explaining that the ghostly presence will follow them anywhere they go. However, a few horror chestnuts show up here and play out exactly as one would expect, including the youngest daughter befriending a ghost.

To be sure, the storyline is nothing spectacular, but the craftsmanship is something to behold, with Wan giving The Conjuring an A-grade look and feel. The period setting endows the picture with a unique flavour, and the production values are spot-on, with authentic sets and costumes, and Frank Leonetti's well-judged cinematography that makes brilliant use of inventive angles and shadows. Better yet, many of the special effects are practical, resulting in a realistic, lived-in disposition that heightens the sense of atmosphere. There's a retro mood to The Conjuring that's very refreshing, and it reinforces that Wan's understated approach was influenced by the iconic horror movies of the 1970s.

The hype machine for The Conjuring emphasised its scary disposition, and the experience is quite frightening indeed. Wan's flick carries an R-rating, but not because of blood, gore or nudity; instead, the rating is due to Wan's inherent understanding of how to unnerve and disturb us. The director's confidence is astonishing, as intensity levels are continually heightened, and we become increasingly convinced that a demonic presence is lurking in the dark corners of the Perron's residence. Even a cynical theatre crowd will have trouble finding things to laugh at or ridicule here - the characters are so convincing, and the suspense so competently executed that the obnoxious viewers should be silenced for the most part. The Conjuring especially comes alive towards the end. Whereas Insidious' final act was lightened by a sense of funhouse camp, The Conjuring culminates with a callous climax that fires on all cylinders. Wan holds nothing back - the imagery is disturbing, while the layered sound design will have you riveted in your seat, provoking nonstop goosebumps for 10 minutes. It's a vicious, malevolent sequence, benefitting from flawless staging, lensing, and editing; it is possibly Wan's best motion picture work to date.

Another enormous strength of The Conjuring is the flawless cast. Acting is not often a strong suit in horror, but Wan assembled a sublime selection of actors and coaxed top-flight work from all of them. Remarkably, the child actors fare extremely well here; they all effectively convey fear, and seem perpetually in the moment. Wilson and Farmiga are brilliant here, too, imbuing the Warrens with depth and warmth. And Taylor deserves massive kudos for her work as Carolyn, as she expertly handles the tough material. Rounding out the main players is Ron Livingston (Office Space, Swingers), burying his comic chops for a completely serious role, and pulling it off with confidence.

The Conjuring is James Wan's masterpiece, and that's a tough call considering his efforts on Saw and Insidious. Admittedly, there is nothing original left to be mined in the haunted house genre, and every such production is going to be narratively familiar to an extent, hence it's the execution that matters - and in this respect, Wan hits it out of the park. The Conjuring is an instant classic, one of the best traditional horror flicks of this era and one of the most frightening movies you're likely to see this year.

8.5/10

"I don't wanna die at James Franco's house."

This is the End is some of the most fun you're likely to have in a cinema during the 2013 summer season. Masterminded by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen (Pineapple Express), it's a big cinematic house party, with an apocalyptic end-of-the-world scenario being moulded into an uproarious ride featuring a slew of famous faces playing exaggerated versions of themselves. If you enjoy the Judd Apatow brand of R-rated comedy, This is the End is a godsend, one of the most flat-out hilarious American comedies in recent memory which also has messages and a heart at its core. Efficiently shot for a modest $32 million, it's clear that Goldberg and Rogen were smart in their construction of the film, using special effects only when necessary and never letting star egos get in the way of creating a meta, self-effacing ride.

Although he hates the city, actor Jay Baruchel flies to Los Angeles to visit his old friend, Seth Rogen. Growing apart due to Seth's L.A. lifestyle and affluent new circle of friends, Jay hopes to reconnect with his pal for a weekend of weed and booze-fuelled shenanigans. But Seth insists that the pair attend a party at James Franco's house, much to Jay's reluctance. Unfortunately, the apocalypse hits during the evening, resulting in the deaths of several party guests. Franco battens down the hatches, leaving a motley crew of actors inside, including Seth, Jay, Jonah Hill and Craig Robinson, though a very mischievous Danny McBride soon joins them. Hoping they'll eventually be saved, the guys remain inside Franco's mansion, rationing food and recording video diaries using the camera from 127 Hours.

The directorial debut for Rogen and Goldberg, This is the End was inspired by the unreleased 2007 short Jay and Seth Versus the Apocalypse. A lot of the movie's charm is derived from the array of famous faces who appear here, including Rihanna, Emma Watson and Michael Cera. If none of the main actors here are familiar to you, and if you haven't seen any of the comedies they've featured in (Your Highness, Pineapple Express), there's a good chance that This is the End will not work for you, as a lot of humour is derived from seeing the actors playing hilarious alternate versions of themselves (Cera goes completely against his onscreen persona as a coke-snorting ladies man). Also amusing are the various references to the actors' bodies of work; career choices are ridiculed and personalities are prodded. Best of all, while the marketing materials for This is the End are hilarious, the trailers did not spoil all of the strongest gags, lines or scenes.

In terms of tone and construction, This is the End is somewhat reminiscent of the likes of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. The movie is a side-splitting ride, to be sure, full of improvised dialogue, vulgar banter and a smattering of toilet humour, but Goldberg and Rogen steer the ship with skill, allowing the film to work as an apocalypse story as well as a comedy. Regardless of the light-hearted tone, the characters' fates are still taken rather seriously, and the narrative is solid, never devolving into the mindlessness of Scary Movie or Epic Movie. Moreover, Goldberg and Rogen keep the film on a tight leash, never letting indulgent improvisation or dumb jokes affect the film's momentum, and at no point losing sight of the big picture. Not to mention, the technical aspects of the production are indeed laudable; for a comedy, the cinematography by Brandon Trost is unusually strong in terms of composition, while the scattered visual effects sequences are terrific, especially the climax which also boasts marvellous creature design. Surprisingly, This is the End has a degree of depth to it, as well; it's a weirdly sweet and insightful farce about friendship and loyalty, and there are messages about the importance of being a nice guy. It's nothing too substantial, but the effort is appreciated.

Acting contributions right down the line are sound, with the actors clearly embracing the chance to make fun of themselves openly. By playing himself here, Rogen essentially admits he's the same person in all his films. Rogen knows his strengths and plays to them, delivering a performance with spot-on comedic timing and delivery. The scene-stealer, though, is McBride, who's smartly used as a supporting presence. McBride delivers lines guaranteed to bring the house down, and a late scene involving a celebrity cameo (which cannot be spoiled) is one of the funniest film moments you'll see this year. Franco and Baruchel are also in fine form, while Hill is astonishingly tolerable as a hilariously "soft and gentle" version of himself. Robinson is brilliant, too, yet again demonstrating his wonderful gift for comedy. Goldberg and Rogen reportedly aimed to push the envelope so far that all the actors would feel uncomfortable doing something, and they managed to break everyone…except for the extraordinarily game Franco. Luckily, all of the stars get a number of memorable moments to shine, and there are also great contributions from the likes of Watson and Cera.

This is the End does feel a bit long in the tooth at 105 minutes, and it probably could've been trimmed down to a more serviceable 90 minutes, but this is nit-picking. When it comes to a movie like this, its value comes down to the question of how often you laugh. In this case, I laughed a lot, and haven't been this entertained in a cinema since 2012's Ted. If you don't like this brand of humour, that's your prerogative, but if you enjoy raucous, vulgar, vehemently R-rated comedy, This is the End is definitely for you. It's the type of motion picture that invites you to party right alongside the cast, and it's arguably the best thing that Goldberg and Rogen have done to date.

8.4/10