Reviews by PvtCaboose91

With South Park being a prominent entry on their résumés, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never been afraid to take the piss out of anyone (or anything) topical, and they simply do not care if their Mickey-taking is in poor taste. Indeed, 1999's feature-length South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut demonstrates these tendencies, with the pair clearly relishing the opportunity to absolutely skewer everything from Saddam Hussein to Microsoft, and beyond. 2004's Team America: World Police also brings these propensities to the fore, but the twist is that the duo took their satire to a whole new level by using not live action or animation, but puppets. And thankfully, the resultant picture is fucking hilarious. It is perfectly acceptable for others to disagree and to find the film to be in bad taste, though. Indeed, a lot of people are destined to find Team America to be highly offensive and juvenile, and that's a perfectly reasonable reaction...

The titular Team America are an elite, renegade underground group of America patriots prepared to obliterate anything posing a threat to the United States. When they receive intelligence indicating that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il is selling Weapons of Mass Destruction to the highest bidder, the team need an inside man to go undercover and infiltrate the terrorist cell. With little choice, they turn to acclaimed Broadway star Gary Johnson (Parker) for help, and he begrudgingly agrees. As the team work towards saving the world, another threat rises when the Alec Baldwin-led Film Actors Guild (you figure out the acronym...) begin to help Kim Jong Il under misleading pretences. In the midst of all this, Gary develops feelings for team member Lisa (Miller), who is reluctant to commit to a relationship after her fiancée was killed by a terrorist during an earlier assignment.

Audiences may spend a lot of time dissecting the movie's political views, but the real beauty of Team America lies in its satire. Parker and Stone primarily aimed to take the piss out of Hollywood blockbusters, incorporating all of the customary elements like excessive violence, big explosions, contrived emotions, shallow heroes, and pretty much every single cliché the genre normally succumbs to. The use of marionettes may seem random in the grand scheme of things, yet it works in a satirical sense, serving to highlight the stereotypical cut-and-paste mentality of this particular school of action pictures: cardboard characters being thrown into conventional scenarios accompanied by a generous dosage of 'splosions and blood-letting. Taking their genius one step further, Parker and Stone replicated the style of big-budget action films, with slow motion being overused, the camera constantly moving, and with a hyperbolic musical score. For good measure, there's even a montage (set to the suitably-titled song Montage).

Trey Parker and South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut composer Marc Shaiman once again collaborated on Team America to conceive of a handful of new songs to offend and delight. The musical numbers begin not long into the film with the Rent soundalike tune Everyone Has AIDs, while a number of the film's most rousing moments are accompanied by the memorably boisterous song America, Fuck Yeah!. A whole new level of side-splitting hilarity is reached, though, with a song about how much Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor sucked. Heck, Kim Jong Il even gets his own sweet musical number at one stage, in which he explains that he's evil because he's just lonely...so ronrey... Also worth mentioning are the sublime production values. Team America may seem like a low-budget affair, but the film is positively beset with immaculate detail. Cinematographer Bill Pope (The Matrix, Spider-Man 2) gave the picture a vibrant sheen, while the sets and character design are equally delightful. Inspired by the classic Thunderbirds show of the 1960s, the puppets here are purposely shoddy in their movements - they bob up and down as they walk, and often their hand motions intentionally do not achieve what they intend. This stuff is comedy gold.

In terms of politics, Parker and Stone do not slant towards any party. All politicians are fair game to the pair, who chose to skewer the Democrats, Republicans and Independents with all guns blazing. Most filmmakers would have taken the film as an opportunity to go after George Bush, but Parker and Stone could not care less about him - they focused their satirical sights on the parade of Hollywood celebrities who have strong opinions on world affairs and are not afraid to express them. High-profile stars such as Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Matt Damon and Tim Robbins are all depicted as off-the-wall egomaniacs. And then there are the vocal performances. As to be expected from the guys behind South Park, Parker and Stone voiced most of the characters, and went hilariously over-the-top for each role. It's worth noting that the film was slightly trimmed to avoid an NC-17 rating from the MPAA, but the footage later was incorporated into an unrated cut. The extra footage is from the love scene and adds absolutely nothing to the overall experience, but it is memorable and unmistakable...

Hilarious from the first frame and with momentum only rarely relenting, Team America: World Police stands as one of the finest creations of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. It's literally a gold mine of side-splitting quotes (and sounds, with a hilariously offensive Middle-Eastern chant destined to be repeated ad nauseum) incorporated within a framework of satire, violence and amusing stupidity. It must again be stressed, though, that comedy of this brand is entirely subjective - some will label Team America as unfunny, offensive tripe, while others (myself included) will worship it as comedic genius.

8.4/10

In 1998, Steven Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan brought an end to the black-and-white war movies of old that contain sanitary, romanticised wartime imagery, and eschew the true horrors of the battlefield. This classical approach to the genre was replaced with something visceral and gritty, effectively conveying the brutal realities of wartime horror in an unflinching fashion. Following in Spielberg's footsteps and adhering to this template is 2001's Black Hawk Down. Although a big-budget Hollywood production created by blockbuster veterans (including producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Ridley Scott), Black Hawk Down offers a powerful look at modern warfare that is not easily forgotten. Loud, relentless and violent, this harrowing picture places you in the moment and allows you to experience the sensation of being caught in a frenetic combat zone with no way out and nowhere to go. Without any cheesy subplots to dilute the story's focus, Black Hawk Down is almost wall-to-wall combat, and it is utterly gripping.

Based on Mark Bowden's book of the same name, Black Hawk Down chronicles the true events that took place in Somalia in 1993. An elite group of Delta Force Soldiers and American Rangers were sent to Mogadishu, Somalia, to help end the vicious civil war of the period during which warlord Mohamed Farrah Aidid was seizing international food shipments and starved several thousand Somalian people to death. In October 1993, American soldiers raided a major building in the densely-populated city with the aim of capturing Aidid's top lieutenants. However, what was supposed to be a routine, half-hour mission transformed into a prolonged 15-hour bloodbath after an extraction helicopter was shot down. Pitted against thousands of Somali militia, the American troops were left to fight for their lives.

Bowden's book about the Black Hawk Down incident is roughly 400 pages in length, yet director Ridley Scott (who was fresh off of the award-winning Gladiator) and screenwriter Ken Nolan compress the dense source material into a 140-minute film, resulting in an airtight adaptation that conveys the essential facts without any bloat. After concentrating on character introductions and dramatic growth in the first act, the film transforms into an extended action sequence. Imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan's opening Omaha Beach sequence extended to about 70 or 80 minutes with practically no respite. Furthermore, Black Hawk Down does not analyse what happened in Somalia or provide any political grandstanding. Rather than politics, Scott and co. were merely concerned with staging a dramatisation of the 15 hours of combat that killed a number of American soldiers and injured dozens of others. On top of this, to the credit of Scott and Nolan, the chaotic events are shown without ignoring narrative requirements or reducing dialogue to generic background noise; there is still a story here, and it's easy to become invested in the characters. The writing especially comes to life during a number of poetic monologues.

A master craftsman, Scott's depiction of combat and violence is not sugar-coated. Scott (ever the perfectionist) and cinematographer Slavomir Idziak frame the action so precisely that the illusion of being there is so real and immediate that you could be forgiven for ducking your head in a subconscious bid to avoid being hit by flying shrapnel or bullets. Indeed, the battle scenes are as accurate as a depiction of modern warfare can be, and Scott's exceptional skills as a visual storyteller help make Black Hawk Down such an unmitigated success. Furthermore, the special effects are utterly seamless, the sound design is ear-shattering, and the editing is immaculate. In fact, the film earned Academy Awards for Editing and Sound, while Scott and cinematographer Idziak received nominations. And then there's Hans Zimmer's amazing score, which is intense and harrowing, not to mention it possesses an effective African flavour to complement the visuals.

A veritable who's who of young and old male actors, Black Hawk Down benefits from an extraordinary cast. The ensemble includes such names as John Hartnett, Ewan McGregor, Tom Sizemore (who was also seen in Saving Private Ryan and Pearl Harbor), Jeremy Piven, William Fichtner, Orlando Bloom, Jason Isaacs, Tom Hardy, Matthew Marsden, and even Australian star Eric Bana (who adopts an obvious but nonetheless effective American accent). All of these actors (and beyond) do an exceptional job of forming a tight, believable unit of American soldiers. Scott and Nolan ensure that these actors are not merely interchangeable names with faces. Rather, each performer is unique and, for the most part, distinguishable during the scenes of intense combat (as much as they could possibly be without harming the momentum). Outside of the battlefield, Scott also has the excellent Sam Shepard, who espouses endless gravitas as a Major General overseeing and coordinating the raid.

Black Hawk Down is sometimes labelled as racist, and people accuse it of not doing enough justice to the Somali viewpoint. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer delivered the best rebuttal to this: the film presents a viewpoint, not every viewpoint. Additionally, while there is a degree of flag-waving and patriotism, this is counterbalanced by scenes showing that not all Somali militias are mindless savages. For instance, a scene between pilot Michael Durant (Ron Eldard) and his Somali capturer gives a face to the indigenous population, and his sentiments allow us to understand things from their perspective. Furthermore, before the fateful mission, one character even explains his respect for the Somalians. Heck, on several occasions during the movie, Scott even emphasises that the Americans perhaps do not belong in the country. For a film that is so frequently criticised as overly patriotic and racist, Black Hawk Down contains far more layers than some people care to notice.

No movie will ever be able to truly recreate the experience of being caught in combat during a war, but the makers behind Black Hawk Down do everything in their power to get us as close as a television screen will allow, bombarding viewers with an unrelenting string of violence and action. Yet it's the heart, emotion, humanity and brutal honesty that allows Black Hawk Down to escape the derogatory "action porn" label. This is the type of film that Jerry Bruckheimer's Pearl Harbor should have been but wasn't. While Black Hawk Down has its detractors, this reviewer is not among them. This is an important war movie, and it deserves to be seen at the earliest opportunity regardless of your political affiliations or opinions.

10/10

Legendary director John Carpenter hasn't been seen at the helm of a feature-length motion picture since 2001's Ghost of Mars, after which he announced he was leaving Hollywood. And honestly, the guy's presence has been sorely missed. While Carpenter's efforts have been hit and miss since the '80s, an underwhelming Carpenter picture is far more preferable than an unremarkable remake or genre misfire helmed by an inexperienced music video director. This brings us to The Ward, which is Carpenter's first film since 2001 and which was thusly packaged with high expectations. Alas, it fails to deliver. For those expecting an effective throwback to Carpenter's landmark early efforts, only heartache is in store. The Ward was not written by Carpenter, nor did he handle the scoring duties, implying that this is more of a "gun for hire" situation than a passion project for the filmmaker. Unfortunately, those that did fulfil The Ward's writing and scoring duties are nowhere near as adept as Carpenter.

Following a violent episode culminating with her burning down a farmhouse, Kristen (Heard) is sent to the female-only ward of the North Bend Psychiatric Hospital. While planning an escape, Kristen begins to blend in with the fellow mental patients (including Gummer, Panabaker, Leigh and Fonseca), all of whom evidently live in fear of an evil apparition which apparently haunts the hospital halls. As Dr. Stringer (Harris) seeks to cure Kristen through therapy sessions, it becomes clear that perhaps the doctor is hiding something rather sinister. Freaked out by the apparent ghost, Kristen investigates, and unearths clues which begin to provide her with an outline of the ghostly entity stalking the ward.

The most frightening thing about The Ward is the lack of invention in the desperate, cliché-ridden and unfocused script credited to Michael and Shaun Rasmussen. Though a ghost story essentially lies at the film's core, it was uneasily hybridised with money-shot slasher kill scenes, psychological mind-fuck terror, and an M. Night Shyamalan-esque twist ending. Not to mention, facets of conventional asylum-based thrillers were thrown in as well, with stock orderlies and matrons, experimental drugs, and shock treatments all surfacing at some point. Just what the fuck is the film meant to be? Added to this, the "twist" ending is meant to shock and surprise, but it is more likely to make you shrug. One should expect a certain degree of formula in a horror movie in this day and age, granted, but would at least a little bit of story innovation be too much to ask from the supposedly triumphant return of a genre icon?

John Carpenter's directorial exertions seem strictly ordinary, though his work does come alive in select places. At the very least, the photography and editing is often solid, while Carpenter at times displays evidence that he still possesses the skills to build suspense and atmosphere. However, even with a few horrific images sprinkled here and there (most notably those of the "ghost", which were executed with sublime make-up effects), Carpenter succumbed to clichéd horror playbook techniques that he should be above: jump-scares. The snoozy script is only periodically enlivened by Carpenter, with the usually tedious dialogue scenes eventually giving way to an anticlimactic and underwhelming finale laced with "what the fuck" moments. Heck, the film even closes on a familiar, cheap story beat, suggesting that a worthwhile comeback for Carpenter is impossible unless the aging filmmaker steps up to write his own material.

In the role of Kristen, Amber Heard bares her acting skills (though not her breasts, unfortunately) and clearly worked to convey passion, intensity and deep-rooted hurt. However, it all adds up to an unmemorable piece of acting. Not that there's anything inherently bad about Heard's performance, but there's nothing great about it either, and she frankly looks pale alongside, say, Jamie Lee Curtis in Carpenter's own Halloween. In supporting roles, Jared Harris makes a worthwhile impression as Dr. Stringer, while the rest of the girls submitted rather good performances. Out of the girls, Mamie Gummer is the standout, though that's to be expected from Meryl Streep's daughter.

The Ward is not what this reviewer had hoped. It should have announced John Carpenter's return to his former glory, imbued with the same genre magic that made the filmmaker such an icon in the first place. Instead, The Ward is a deeply flawed, middle-of-the-road effort, showing that perhaps Mr. Carpenter simply needed a bit of extra cash to pay the bills and therefore agreed to the first script that landed on his desk. With his heart clearly not in it, it seems the filmmaker's skills have gotten rusty, though it's undeniably thrilling to see him directing motion pictures again.

4.8/10

To the surprise of the studio heads over at 20th Century Fox, Romancing the Stone was a massive box office hit when released in 1984, meaning that a second venture for the beloved characters was inevitable. Rushed through production in response to Romancing the Stone's unexpected success, the rapidly-produced Jewel of the Nile was ready for release by Christmas of 1985. While Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito all returned for this follow-up, newcomers were brought onboard to handle writing and directing duties. Gone was the plethora of talent that made Romancing the Stone so damn great...replaced by a creative team who were nowhere near as adept. While Jewel of the Nile is generally entertaining in parts, it lacks the allure of its predecessor, and is deficient in most of the original film's worthwhile characteristics.

As Jewel of the Nile kicks off, Jack T. Colton (Douglas) and Joan Wilder (Turner) are six months into their globe-trotting love affair, with Jack enjoying the sailing and Joan struggling to complete her overdue novel. Unfortunately, the lovers have become a little tired of one another - Joan wants to return to New York, while Jack wants to sail his yacht down to Greece. Tensions come to a head when wealthy Middle-Eastern ruler Omar (Focás) approaches Joan, inviting her to his kingdom to write his biography. While Joan enthusiastically agrees, Jack stays behind. Shortly thereafter, Jack runs into Ralph (DeVito), who is still in search of riches and is out for revenge against Jack. When Jack's yacht is blown up, he is informed that Omar is a rather treacherous character, and that Joan may find herself in considerable danger. Upon learning that Omar is in possession of the precious "Jewel of the Nile", Ralph and Jack team up and head off seeking treasure.

During production of Romancing the Stone, everyone had something to prove - Michael Douglas had to prove he could be a leading man, director Robert Zemeckis had to prove his filmmaking chops, and writer Diane Thomas was trying to show she could write mainstream films and leave her job as a waitress. They were driven to make a good flick, and succeeded because they cared. With The Jewel of the Nile, it feels like everyone involved was just going through the motions to get the darn thing done. With Jack and Joan at each other's throats from the film's early stages, the warmth and innocence of their relationship is gone, and gone too is most of the fun. Marred by a number of slow segments and an overly dull midsection that's only occasionally punctuated by moderately enjoyable action sequences, the film feels longer than its average 105-minute running time might suggest. Absent is the remarkable wit and creativity of Romancing the Stone, not to mention the spark of the first film is extinguished here. Even the nostalgic, charming score of the original film is lacking in Jewel of the Nile; replaced with a dull, grating musical accompaniment. And did the filmmakers seriously think an opening credits song stating "You and I can touch the Jewel of the Niiiiiiile" would be a smart choice?

Lewis Teague (Cujo) took the reigns as director here, but he failed to demonstrate worthwhile skill as an action filmmaker - the set-pieces here are not as exciting or as energetic as Romancing the Stone's best moments. Worse, Jewel of the Nile is pervaded with an unmistakable TV movie vibe, with ADR dialogue, cardboard-ey sets, a number of cheap-looking special effects, and local extras who seem to enjoy looking directly into the camera lens. The pacing is generally lethargic, and the touch of Robert Zemeckis - whose directorial skill was a majority contributing factor to the first movie's success - is sorely missed. Admittedly, there are a few great moments (such as the well-handled opening sequence derived from Joan's latest book) and a few note-worthy one-liners. Overall, though, the film is not a patch on its predecessor. Teague has admitted the film was indeed a rush-job, and this is frequently obvious.

The magical chemistry shared by Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone is lessened to a great extent here, and consequently it's hard to care about their relationship. The characters are less happy as a couple in this movie, which was a bad decision. We endured all of the obligatory bickering and spite in the original movie, why couldn't we get a sequel in which the central coupling actually like one another? To hell with "romantic tension"! Towards the end of the movie, with Jack and Joan a few strands of rope away from certain death, they suddenly and inexplicably reconcile their relationship and realise they do in fact love one another after all. This stuff is amazingly contrived. What happened to the carefully nurtured, organic relationship that emerged in Romancing the Stone? At least Michael Douglas remains strong and Danny DeVito is rather funny as Ralph. The interactions between Douglas and DeVito are at times quite amusing, and save the film from total disaster.

When the script for Jewel of the Nile was first delivered, Kathleen Turner thought it was appalling, and she tried to back out of the movie until Fox threatened her with a substantial lawsuit. In a bid to make Turner more comfortable, Diane Thomas apparently did a small amount of uncredited script doctoring. What a shame Thomas was not available to write the entire script. While there are a few good moments and a handful of funny lines, Jewel of the Nile is a pale sequel which never rises to the giddy heights of the first film. It's not especially bad per se - it's just a disappointing voyage into utter mediocrity, and it looks sinful next to its outstanding predecessor.

5.9/10

Since mid-2010, an aura of mystery has shrouded J.J. Abrams' Super 8 like a dense fog. From its initial teaser trailer over a year before its release to a series of elliptical trailers and its substantial but mysterious marketing campaign, movie-goers have been wondering exactly what it is. In short, 2011's Super 8 is a nostalgia-dipped, Steven Spielberg-indebted science fiction thriller and a coming of age story; representing a homage to producer Spielberg and a valentine for those who have had a passion for filmmaking since childhood. Super 8 is a rare type of summertime release in this day and age - it conveys a clever, original story (it is not a sequel, prequel, spin-off, reboot or literature adaptation) without the necessity for a third dimension. There are state-of-the-art special effects and a few big action sequences, sure, but neither elements are gratuitous since, unlike most summer blockbusters, Super 8 is more interested in characters and storytelling than big bangs. In writing and directing this film, Abrams remembered a simple law from Filmmaking 101 that is commonly ignored by contemporary popcorn movie peddlers: that action and mayhem only has weight if the viewers can find themselves caring about the people in the midst of the chaos.

Named after a type of filming format that child filmmakers used before the advent of digital video cameras and Final Cut Pro, Super 8 concerns the misadventures of six young tweens who find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Set in 1979, young Joe Lamb (Courtney) is in mourning following the death of his mother, leaving him with his distant police officer father (Chandler). With school over and the summer in full swing, Joe occupies himself by helping best friend Charles (Griffiths) make a zombie movie starring Joe's crush Alice (Fanning). While filming late one night in secret, the gang of kids watch as a train spectacularly derails in front of them. Afterwards, a survivor of the crash informs the gang to tell nobody of what they saw else they be killed. Within days, their peaceful little town is suddenly overturned by a heavy military presence, inexplicable happenings, and disappearing people. Not to mention, the boys' Super 8 camera captured sight of something monstrous escaping the train following the derailment.

As those who paid attention to the marketing should be aware of, Super 8 is the brainchild of J.J. Abrams and producer Steven Spielberg, and it therefore plays out like a sweeping love letter to the generation raised on Spielberg's crowning achievements. Essentially Stand by Me meets The Goonies on a Cloverfield stage, Abrams additionally infused the picture with a semi-autographical element, recalling the days when he - like most future filmmakers - borrowed his parents' video camera and made a home movie. Super 8 is not merely a film built on a basis of set-pieces and special effects, but a look back at an era marked by bike rides, small town sensibilities and working class concerns - a time when kids went outside and were adventurous, rather than staying indoors to watch movies or play video games all day. However, there are a few Hollywood touches that are hard to swallow, such as someone still being alive after driving head-on into a freight train. The ending, too, seems abrupt and rushed; not being able to wrap up everything with the same care and intelligence that preceded it.

Abrams once again demonstrates here what an excellent craftsman he is; bestowing the film with a number of moments of nail-biting intensity and tension. In fact, some scenes could almost classify the film as horror. Super 8 may be characterised by the children at the centre of the narrative, but this is not a film specifically designed for small kids, who will likely find the film too scarifying. Abrams chose to replace the gentler tone of Spielberg's earlier cinematic oeuvre with something edgier. Abrams also chose to abide by the Jaws approach, keeping the mysterious monster out of view for the majority of the runtime, building suspense by holding back and only allowing the audience quick, fleeting glimpses of certain body parts. Not to mention, most action movies these days succumb to the awful habit of "shaky-cam/rapid-cutting", letting details and comprehension fall by the wayside. However, Abrams always ensured the camera was impeccably placed, allowing viewers to fully comprehend the scope. The train crash alone lasts for two or three minutes, and it will keep you in the edge of your seat with your mouth agape. This master craftsmanship extends to the quieter moments as well, which are engaging and interesting.

The film takes place in 1979, and the period was vibrantly recreated with astonishing detail through immaculate production values. Era-specific cars, clothing, and songs (including tunes such as My Sharona by The Knack and other songs by Blondie, Paul McCartney, etc) all help to sell the time period and vibe. Super 8 anchors fantasy in a real-world setting, and thankfully Abrams infused the real-world setting with relatable characters and emotional undercurrents to help us care about everything happening on-screen. The bond between all the young boys, particular that of Joe and Charles, rings with accuracy and depth, and the relationship that emerges between Joe and Alice is sublime as they spend time together despite a feud between their fathers. Also captured winningly is the dynamic between all the boys - their conversations, playful bantering and occasional cursing will probably remind viewers of their own childhood. Not to mention, the boys' joy and elation in no-budget home moviemaking (an autobiographical element from the childhoods of both Abrams and Spielberg) is affectionately depicted, and the way they continue to shoot their movie pays off in a big way during the not-to-be-missed closing credits.

The performances were of primary importance in making the film work, and, thankfully, Abrams populated Super 8 with a pitch-perfect ensemble of child actors, all of whom present natural performances of profound depth. Joel Courtney (in his professional debut) is a real find, as his portrayal of Joe is mature and completely believable. The most experienced member of the cast here is Elle Fanning as Alice, who is phenomenal; emerging from the shadow of her older sister with this superbly nuanced piece of acting. For every moment she's on-screen, Fanning's face paints a complete, poignant picture of who her character is and what she's going through. For a child actress who was a mere 12 years old during filming, Elle is remarkable. Equally valuable is Riley Griffiths who's utterly convincing as Charles (the one whom this reviewer could identify with the most). Every member of the group is a joy to watch, and each possess their own unique quirk to prevent them from being an anonymous part of an ensemble. Ryan Lee is a great source of comic relief playing the explosion-loving pyromaniac, while Gabriel Basso impresses mightily as the main actor of the boys' movie. Also first-rate is Kyle Chandler, who simultaneously supplies authority and vulnerability. Simply put, everyone did a marvellous job here, affording Super 8 the realism that the material demanded.

Commandeering his third feature film as director (after Mission: Impossible III and Star Trek), J.J. Abrams exudes passion and talent as a filmmaker, and with Super 8 he delivers solid storytelling, multidimensional characters and creativity - all within the confines of a $50 million 2-D summer blockbuster. In many ways, this is a perfect summer movie: original, earnest, innovative and creative, not to mention it has all the requisite fireworks and pizzazz but you do not need to halt your brain functions in order to enjoy the show.

8.7/10

With the Twilight franchise scheduled to end in 2012, Hollywood is understandably scrambling to find a new cash-cow series to win the hearts and wallets of the sparkly vampire lovers. Based on the young adult novel of the same name by Pittacus Lore (a pseudonym for James Frey and Jobie Hughes), I Am Number Four reeks of Hollywood studio mentality in the way it dishes up all the customary ingredients for a modern teen movie. Ticking all the boxes, the film comes packaged with male models trying to act, a tepid romantic yarn between two teenagers who cannot consummate due to antagonistic interference, a heavy smattering of high school drama, and a fantasy angle that appears to have been assembled from the spare parts bin. Helmed by D.J. Caruso (Disturbia, Eagle Eye), I Am Number Four has big aspirations but little gumption or skill to fulfil them.

One of nine beings who were saved from genocide on the distant planet of Lorien, Number Four (Pettyfer) has travelled to Earth under the care of protector Henri (Olyphant) to hide from the vicious Mogadorians. With the Mogadorians killing off the Lorien survivors in chronological order for no apparent reason, the pair are constantly on the move. Number Three's eventual death puts Henri in a heightened state of paranoia, compelling him to move Four to the small town of Paradise, Ohio where he assumes the identity of John Smith. As with any movie of this sort, John is enchanted with fellow teenager Sarah (Agron) who's kind-hearted and has an interest in photography. Also, predictably, John befriends nerdy outcast Sam (McAuliffe) and has a few tiffs with Sarah's jealous ex-boyfriend (Abel). Unfortunately for John, though, his special abilities begin to emerge which he struggles to control, and the Mogadorians are drawing close.

I Am Number Four essentially plays out like a big-screen version of Smallville that was re-jigged for the Twilight crowd. And on that note, it feels more like a pilot to a television series than the big-budget beginning of a feature film franchise. The first hour of I Am Number Four is notably awful - the mythology is generic, the names given to the aliens and their technology are laughably goofy, the Mogadorians are over-the-top (looking like a strange cross between the vampires from 30 Days of Night and the Romulans from Star Trek), several loose threads are haphazardly incorporated to set up the franchise, and the insipid high school drama is trite to the point of being sheer torture. Why does Number Four feel the need to attend high school, anyway? Why can't he just skip school like John Connor and be a badass rather than a generic clothing store mannequin? Whenever a high school drama is introduced in this day and age, one can only think Twilight. Heck, for further similarity, Number Four even develops a crush on a girl he can't get out of his head. And, for best effect, the soundtrack of popular music plays out as if the director chose tracks by putting his iPod on shuffle.

At the very least, I Am Number Four improves in its final half-hour or so, when it finally shuts up and gets down to the business of being a Michael Bay-produced action flick rather than a corny, melodramatic teen romance. At this point the movie rouses to life, delivering some pulse-pounding action set-pieces and surprisingly decent special effects. There's high-tech gadgetry, telekinetic battles, cars being hurtled, a few badass giant monster battles, space daggers, incredibly cool laser guns, and fireballs. Hey, even the hot Australian actress Teresa Palmer was thrown in for good measure! The craftsmanship during this period is surprisingly decent as well, with director Caruso disposing of his Michael Bay-esque routine of shaky-cam and rapid-fire cutting (seen in Eagle Eye) in favour of a smoother, more refined cinematic style. It's unfortunate, then, that I Am Number Four is weighed down by the hackneyed routine of high school drama which we must endure before getting to the money shots and engaging set-pieces.

The selection of actors were clearly chosen on the basis of looks rather than acting believability. In the role of John Smith/Number Four, Alex Pettyfer displays no charisma, no vulnerability and no screen presence, and there is no detectable emotion or warmth to anything he does. Watching the guy on-screen is like flipping through a clothing store catalogue. The girls will have their eye candy, sure, but Pettyfer needs to attend acting school pronto if he wants more work in the industry. Meanwhile, Dianna Agron cut her acting teeth on the TV show Glee, which should be an indicator of her "talent"... Timothy Olyphant, on the other hand, is one of the only veterans, and he's effortlessly cool as Henri. Olyphant disperses a number of good lines on top of being downright awesome. And in the role of Number Six, Teresa Palmer is somewhat decent as well as being amazingly, unbelievably hot, especially when she's allowed to let loose and kick ass. It's a shame, then, that Palmer's screen-time is so limited.

With attractive adolescents and their high school lives taking centre stage within the narrative, I Am Number Four aims to appeal to teenagers and satiate the Twilight crowd. It does not hold much appeal beyond the superficial, though, with the aliens feeling underdeveloped and with a distinct lack of action or anything remotely engaging until the final act. This is not a good film, but at the very least it's not entirely unwatchable despite the bland dramatic elements.

4.5/10

Directed by the Oscar-winning Ron Howard, The Dilemma has more on its mind than your typical romantic comedy. Aiming to delve into themes relating to how well people know each other and to what extent couples keep secrets from one another (among other queries), the film tries its hardest to be more than a forgettable diversion, but, with introspective themes not explored to their fullest potential, the film comes up short. The Dilemma also suffers from an identity dilemma: is it a drama or a light-hearted romantic comedy? With the poster implying a comedy and with trailers advertising the picture as fluffy fun, it's somewhat surprising that the film is in fact a dodgy dramedy unable to find the right tonal balance. It's interesting to see director Howard attempting to imbue his film with ultimately unfulfilled gravitas, but The Dilemma's mix of hit-and-miss comedy and lackadaisical drama is astonishingly inept.

Business partners and best friends since college, Ronny (Vaughn) and Nick (James) are on the eve of closing an incredibly lucrative business deal with Dodge. Stress levels are high for the pair, though, with the deal putting Nick's engineering genius to the test and with Ronny looking to find the right time and place to propose to his long-time girlfriend Beth (Connelly). Making matters worse is that Ronny catches Nick's wife Geneva (Ryder) carrying on an affair with the handsome, vapid Zip (Tatum). Ronny subsequently becomes faced with a major dilemma: tell Nick and risk the news affecting his engineering performance, or keep quiet and hope it blows over. Geneva temporarily silences Ronny by a threat of blackmail, but he cannot help but dig deeper into his friends' personal lives.

On top of its other sins, The Dilemma faces a tremendous dilemma in its structuring. (Sorry to use the pun again...) The picture begins with promise and potential, taking its time to develop the central characters and all of their respective conflicts. Yet, it takes far too long for the conflicts to actually lead somewhere. Padded out with nonsensical filling and burdened by extreme meandering, the film clocks in at a whopping 110 minutes, but it doesn't begin to dive into the nitty gritty until the 90-minute mark, leaving insufficient time for a patient, thoughtful narrative resolution. The resolution thus feels rushed and painfully generic, not to mention the film as a whole feels fundamentally incomplete, resulting in a bad aftertaste.

One question lingers from the beginning: is the film a drama with comedic elements, or a comedy with dramatic elements? It's frankly hard to categorise The Dilemma since it appears that the film itself does not know what it wants to be. The tone is kept predominantly light and at times outright slapstick until the final act, at which point the potent drama is densely lathered on to the point of utter saturation. With the humour dropped entirely in the third act, Howard and screenwriter Allan Loeb (The Switch, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps) try to untangle the conflict with an intricate examination of the feeble nature of trust. However, the unnecessarily lengthy runtime left the filmmakers struggling to wrap up the film as quickly as possible, scrambling to concoct a conventional conclusion for a film that's otherwise unconventional and inventive.

Predictably, Vince Vaughn and Kevin James stuck to close variations of their usual shtick. Nevertheless, Vaughn is notably terrific here since he was on solid ground that was well-suited for his trademark screen persona. After a few depressingly unfunny comedies that restrained his comic mojo (Couples Retreat, Four Holidays), The Dilemma allows Vaughn to finally let loose yet again, bouncing off the game supporting cast and firing off some great one-liners. In particular, the star hits a number of comedic home runs in a rather Vaughn-esque scene as Ronny destroys an anniversary dinner for Beth's parents with an uncomfortable yet hilarious speech. Also making an impression is Channing Tatum, who clearly relished the opportunity to play what would otherwise amount to a mere paycheque role. Meanwhile, Winona Ryder continues her unlikely comeback (kick-started by Black Swan) in the role of Geneva. It would have been easy to turn Geneva into a shallow villain, but Ryder steals scenes left, right and centre, adding dimension and genuine emotional depth to her character. Jennifer Connelly is also surprisingly strong, while Queen Latifah is frequently chuckle-worthy as a bawdy automotive executive.

Ultimately, The Dilemma would most likely have worked better if it was designed as an outright farce. With comic actors like Vaughn and James carrying out their usual routines, it feels like such a waste to use them for a film that uneasily alternates between comedy and hyperbolic melodrama. Then again, Connelly and Ryder are in straight-up dramatic mode, further contributing to the uneasy melding of different styles. When all is said and done, The Dilemma will likely be looked upon as a minor blip on the radar screen that is Ron Howard's directing career. It's not awful since it remains for the most part enjoyable and it has its charms, yet the film had the potential to be so much more.

5.2/10

In the realm of computer animation, Pixar and DreamWorks have always maintained the top spots, while Fox's Blue Sky animation has perpetually dwindled behind the giants with middling efforts (Ice Age & sequels, Robots, etc). Directed by Ice Age mastermind Carlos Saldanha, 2011's Rio is, alas, not going to improve Fox's animation reputation. Rio does offer a simple pro-conservation message, but not much else is going on underneath its surface - the picture is not emotionally affecting like Toy Story 3, nor as sprightly and clever as How to Train Your Dragon or as sweet as Despicable Me. Kids might be taken with the animation and bright characters, but adults will likely shrug and merely endure the flick for its 90-minute duration. Rio is distinctly average: it has its moments, but it does not always work since quality laughs are in short supply and the material remains forgettable and disposable. In an age where a family trip to the movies could almost pay for a new television, it's not good enough.

Bird-napped at a young age and shipped to the United States, Blu (Eisenberg) is a Spix's Macaw who grew up with loving owner Linda (Mann) in rural Minnesota to become domesticated and unable to fly. Into Blu's blissful life soon steps a Brazilian ornithologist (Santoro), who reveals that Blu is one of only two Spix's Macaws left in existence. With this news in mind, he convinces Linda to travel to Rio and allow for Blu to mate with the last remaining female, Jewel (Hathaway), in a bid to save the species. Yet, once united, Blu and Jewel do not exactly hit it off. However, the couple are soon stolen from the scientists; chained together and sold to a black market bird dealer. On the run, Jewel yearns for escape and freedom, but Blu simply wants to be reunited with Linda and head home. During their adventures, they are helped by kind toucan Rafael (Lopez), inseparable bird buddies Nico (Foxx) and Pedro (will.i.am), and a bulldog named Luiz (Morgan). Unfortunately, though, a malicious cockatoo named Nigel (Clement) is hot on their tale.

Somewhat charming in places but ultimately unmemorable, Rio is a typical hero's journey story merged with anthropomorphised animal activity. In other words, nobody behind the movie set out to challenge the genre. Rather than aiming for inventiveness, Rio's makers simply adhered to the standard template: anthropomorphise something inhuman, concoct a dilemma for the protagonists, throw in a villain and a few quick-witted supporting characters, add a couple of musical numbers, and present it all using flashy computer animation. In 2011, though, routine efforts like this frankly look drab. Despite computer animation's prominence in this day and age, it is evident that animators still erroneously believe they can get by on novelty alone. Sorry, no dice. Pixar's original Toy Story from 1995 worked and still holds up today because the Pixar guys did not call it a day after designing the animation. Rather, they knew the novelty would eventually dissolve, and, accordingly, they anchored the narrative in emotions, humanity and messages; mixing the groundbreaking animation with genuine depth. Rio exhibits none of this innovation.

On a more positive note, the vivacious CGI animation is positively gorgeous to behold, with the natural beauty of the city of Rio shining through in every frame. The picture particularly comes alive during a sequence in which Blu and Jewel hitch rides on various hang-gliders as they soar around the city, and it's easy to get the feeling that you're actually there. (One could even call Rio a big-budget travelogue of the titular city, which is somewhat unsurprisingly since helmer Carlos Saldanha was born in Rio.) To the credit of the filmmakers, too, there are a few good laughs and one-liners to enjoy here, but there aren't enough. Too often, Rio eschews integrity and momentum in favour of momentary laughs and ostentatious set-pieces. This likely came as a result of the "talent" involved in the scriptwriting - Don Rhymer, Joshua Sternin, Sam Harper and Jeffrey Ventimilia. Among them, these four writers are responsible for Deck the Halls, Surviving Christmas, Yogi Bear, Tooth Fairy, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and the first two Big Momma's House movies. Oh boy...

Oddly, for a movie set in Brazil and populated with Brazilian entities, there's a distinct lack of Brazilian actors in the cast. Jesse Eisenberg is acceptable as Blu since the character grew up in America, but Brazilian characters like Jewel, Nigel, Nico, Pedro and others were voiced by distinctly American-sounding actors. Zuh? At the very least, the vocal performances are decent if unspectacular. The standout is Jermaine Clement, who imbued Nigel the antagonistic cockatoo with a great, villainous personality.

To be sure, Rio has its charms; there are a few decent laughs to be had, and greatness flickers intermittently during select sequences (the opening musical number is terrific). Taken as a whole, Rio is simply okay - the story is okay and the characters are okay. It's not thoroughly detestable or particularly tedious, but it lacks the staying power of Pixar's regular output.

5.6/10

Similar to what Paul Greengrass accomplished with 2010's Green Zone, 5 Days of War represents a merger of fact and fiction; weaving facets of the 2008 Russo-Georgian war into a predominantly fictional story about journalists caught in the crossfire. Finnish director Renny Harlin (Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger) took the director's chair here, and attempted to capture the intricacy and political complexity behind this forgotten conflict that was largely overlooked by Western media. Alas, Harlin's primary focus was on fictional story elements, resulting in a passable action-thriller diversion but a wasted opportunity which over-simplifies the historical record. While a technologically sound low-budget war movie, it had the potential - and the right creative team - to be something far more.

For the uneducated, a war broke out in August of 2008 between Georgia and the Russians. At the time, though, the world was uninterested because the 2008 Beijing Olympics were unfolding. With Georgia being invaded and suffering tremendous civilian casualties, Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili reached out to the Americans and other countries only to be turned down. The skirmish which ensued ultimately caught the attention of Renny Harlin, who in turn set out to preserve the story on the medium of film. Having grown up in the shadow of the Soviet Empire, Harlin has said that he understood the tensions and complicated issues surrounding the relationship between Georgia and Russia, making him well-suited for the job. Even if he was unable to nail all of the political ins and outs of the war, Harlin's expertise in large-scale action was an asset in the creation of 5 Days of War.

In the picture's harrowing opening moments, journalist Thomas Anders (Friend), his cameraman friend Sebastian Ganz (Coyle) and other journalists are attempting to cover the Iraq War in 2007, but become caught up in a lethal shootout. The immediacy and sheer realism of this sequence is unsettling, truly giving you the sense that you are there. Anders and Ganz are rescued by Georgian coalition forces, and afterwards they head to the region of South Ossetia upon hearing of a brewing conflict. Once again, though, the pair find themselves caught in the crossfire, with an air raid bombarding the local area. Ending up with young girl Tatia (Chriqui) and other assorted locals, the journalists witness and film a barbaric execution by the Russian soldiers, and subsequently find themselves battling against Russian forces in the hope of getting the news out to the entire world.

While based on true events, 5 Days of War contains blatant fictional elements which stick out like a sore thumb, including Hollywood-style split-second timing and other contrived scenarios that damage the film's integrity. It's also disappointing to report that we never get the full sense of the scope of the skirmish, and more context is desperately needed. Opening titles akin to Black Hawk Down's beginning would have been beneficial. For a film which visibly aimed to spread awareness of what happened in 2008, 5 Days of War does very little to illuminate the circumstances and political motivations that led to the war. Not to mention, political dialogue is generally reduced to short, exceedingly cheesy sound bites. To the credit of Harlin and writers Mikko Alanne and David Battle, though, the central characters are well fleshed-out, and for the most part they feel like living, breathing, flesh-and-blood individuals whose fates are easy to care about. However, the Russians get the short end of the stick in this respect; they are portrayed as brutish villains lacking in both characterisation and motivation. Then again, it would probably be boring to give the Russian villains any depth. Ah well. Whatever.

Perhaps unsurprisingly considering Harlin's filmography, 5 Days of War squeezes every tired, well-worn war movie trope of bravery, courage and stirring speeches for everything that they're worth, on top of adopting action movie clichés such as self-sacrifice and trite "Go without me" exchanges. It's all very standard-order, and the stuff in between the action often lacks energy, so it is relieving to report that the film at least comes alive during the action scenes. For a $12 million feature, the terrific production values are to be admired. Also, this is a vehemently old-school action/war movie that's mercilessly low on ostentatious CGI. (If digital effects were used to a large degree, they are perfectly seamless.) With practical blood effects, impressive aerial photography and exhilarating action scenes, Harlin's efforts suggest a much higher budget than the figure his team were allotted. Not to mention, unlike most blockbusters which contain incomprehensible action, the set-pieces were perfectly filmed to allow you to clearly comprehend the combat. 5 Days of War's only technical drawback is Trevor Rabin's generic, unmemorable score.

In the role of Anders, Rupert Friend is a real find. A British actor recently glimpsed in such films as Outlaw and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, Friend is an engaging screen presence. Alongside him, Richard Coyle is affable and at times suitably intense as Sebastian. Coyle perhaps remains best known for his beloved role in the BBC sitcom Coupling, yet he is well on his way to a big-time acting career outside of Coupling if he keeps maintaining this performance standard. Alas, the rest of the cast ranges from middling to outright boring - Val Kilmer is astonishingly underused and forgettable as another journalist, while Emmanuelle Chriqui's Tatia is simply flavourless. Also on hand is Mikko Nousiainen as a typical cookie-cutter villain. Even Heather Graham appears oh-so-briefly to little effect and little impact. At least Andy Garcia is to be admired for his portrayal of President Saakashvili, espousing a believable accent and filling his lines with passion.

As with any war movie, 5 Days of War has sparked controversy due to its rather one-sided viewpoint of the conflict. Then again, the same can be said for all war movies. Even if 5 Days of War is too black & white and does an inadequate job of explaining the politics, it is refreshing to see a war movie which is not concerned with portraying the American army saving the day. In fact, the U.S. military were not involved in this particular conflict at all. A bolder, more historically accurate retelling would have been far more welcome than what is presented here, but for what 5 Days of War is (a fictional action film within a non-fictional setting), it is hard to not appreciate what's been done here on some level.

6.5/10

In the same vein as the marginally successful Twins with Danny DeVito, Kindergarten Cop was an attempt to portray Austrian superstar Arnold Schwarzenegger as a comedic performer. However, Kindergarten Cop (helmed by Twins director Ivan Reitman) was designed as an action-comedy rather than an outright comedy; depicting Schwarzenegger in a typical Schwarzenegger role within comedic circumstances. Still, who would've thought that, in the course of less then a decade, the hard-ass star of Conan the Barbarian and Commando would trade in his sword and firearms for milk moustache and a soft kindergarten teacher routine? Against all odds, though, Kindergarten Cop for the most part works. Armed with an often witty screenplay drenched in one-liners and a priceless self-deprecating performance by the inimitable Austrian Oak, this is solid entertainment, even if it is uneven.

Schwarzenegger appears here as Detective John Kimble, who has been pursuing murderous drug dealer Cullen Crisp (Tyson) for close to a decade. Kimble eventually swoops in to arrest Crisp on a murder charge, but they require a reliable witness testimony to throw Crisp away for life. Thus, Kimble and his new partner Phoebe (Reed) are sent to Astoria, Oregon to locate Crisp's ex-wife and kindergarten-aged son, who are living incognito. The plan is for Phoebe to go undercover as a substitute teacher for the kindergarten class containing Crisp's son in order to locate him. When Phoebe falls ill, though, Kimble is forced to fill in. With absolutely no prior teaching experience, Kimble's assignment of handling a class of unruly kindergarten children turns out to be a particularly difficult one. Meanwhile, Crisp is determined to find his estranged wife and kid, and Crisp's accomplices are fast working towards the release of the wanted murderer...

When Kimble deals with the children, Kindergarten Cop positively comes alive with an engaging, lively comic spark. It is critical to note that, although the narrative concerns murderers and cops, the comedic elements constitute the film's bread & butter. Even though the film has a tendency to be contrived and cloying at times, it is easy to get the sense that the macho bodybuilding giant is in his natural element among children and when dispensing comedy, resulting in an utterly infectious charm. Ivan Reitman can always be counted upon to provide a fun time, with his filmography boasting such other efforts as Ghostbusters and Stripes. Thus, Kindergarten Cop moves forward at a usually agreeable pace, though the film is overlong at 110 minutes. For the majority of its runtime, Kindergarten Cop is wholly enjoyable; dishing up a handful of worthwhile laughs and leaving you with a big smile on your face. Who can complain about that?

With that said, though, Kindergarten Cop is all over the map from a tonal perspective; leaping from deadly serious one moment to light-hearted the next, implying that the filmmakers were unsure about what type of movie they were making and who their target audience was. The tonally schizophrenic picture may seem cuddly, cute and suitable for general family consumption, yet parents may find the film too graphic and casually violent for their children, what with drug dealing, brutal murder, child abuse and kidnapping being situated in amongst the gleeful cop vs. kindergarten kids antics. Kindergarten Cop carries a PG-13 rating for good reason. Thankfully, the more serious material predominantly lies in the film's peripheries, allowing easygoing laughs and a sweet, heart-warming love story between likeable characters to take centre stage in between the harder moments bookending the picture.

To state the obvious, Schwarzenegger has never been honoured for his skills as a thespian - he is primarily recognised for his action roles demanding him to perpetrate violence instead of impressing the Oscar community, making him an unlikely candidate for a comic actor. Nevertheless, Arnie's performance here is surprisingly appealing, and he carried off the comedic elements to a high standard. To be fair, though, the majority of the humour is self-deprecating, with Arnie's amusing line deliveries ("It's not a tumour!" is a bona fide classic) and awkward interactions with the kids providing plenty of worthwhile laughs.

Ultimately, Kindergarten Cop feels like two movies: a cute kiddie flick and violent cop thriller. The merging of these two films of divergent tones is not exactly cohesive, however, making Kindergarten Cop too intense for most kids and at times too cloying for some adults. Yet, if taken as a surface-level ride and a guilty pleasure (warts and all), the film is predominantly fun and charming, making it a perfectly palatable slice of entertainment for a rainy afternoon. It is nowhere near as good as Arnie's best action classics of course, but the film does its job well enough nonetheless.

7.1/10