Reviews by PvtCaboose91

Especially once the noughties kicked in, Hollywood started taking fire for its notorious "PG-13-ification" of various genres. Teen sex comedies suffered one of the mightiest blows in this respect - nothing is quite as lame as a sex comedy pulling punches when it could have, and should have, been raunchy and hilarious. Thank God, then, for films like Sex Drive, which come along to remind of us of how hilarious a film can be when it has the freedom to go the distance. Loosely based on the young adult novel All the Way by Andy Behrens, Sex Drive was scripted by Sean Anders and John Morris, and it was designed to resemble American Pie and Judd Apatow's oeuvre in being a politically-incorrect, hilariously raunchy comedy with a beating heart at its centre. The film rarely misses its mark, and it triumphantly puts the "sex" back into "teen sex comedy".

Working part time at a donut establishment, 18-year-old Ian (Zuckerman) is a virginal loser with no clue about how to talk to girls, let alone flirt with them. His slovenly best friend Lance (Duke), though, gets loads of action, and is so concerned about Ian's ongoing virginity that he vows to help him remedy the undesirable condition. The solution presents itself via the internet - Ian meets a stunning blonde hottie (Bowden) online, who promises to go all the way with him if he pays her a visit in Knoxville, Tennessee...nine hours away. It is an offer Lance will not let Ian pass up. With Ian's lifelong best friend Felicia (Crew) also joining them on the trip under the impression they're going to visit Ian's cancer-stricken grandmother, the boys steal a vintage car belonging to Ian's older brother and take to the open road.

Sex Drive does not cover a lot of new ground from a narrative perspective; representing a merger of American Pie, Road Trip and Rob Reiner's The Sure Thing. However, the jokes work; the film is consistently entertaining and laugh-out-loud hilarious, making the trip wholly worthwhile regardless of its shallow plotting. There are a few quick, cheap gags, but they are almost always effective, and the talented cast clearly improvised entire segments of dialogue to add to the array of witty jokes and one-liners. Sure, humour is subjective so it seems meaningless to keep stating that the film is hilarious, but rest assured if you enjoy raunchy humour then you will doubtlessly enjoy Sex Drive. Plus, to the credit of the filmmakers, the film is taut and fast-paced, making for an enjoyable romp that at no point grows boring or tedious.

Tonally, Sex Drive is all over the map - purely outlandish in one scene, clever the next, and then sweet - but there is a method to the madness of writers Sean Anders and John Morris, who were simply trying to avoid making a cheap, throwaway slice of teen sex movie fodder. The film begins as a disposable (but nonetheless hilarious) American comedy, but eventually throws a curveball - the three main characters develop personalities, while Ian and Felicia's friendship is realistically gentle, warm and at times uncomfortable. There are a few moments which display genuine heart, especially the scenes acknowledging Ian and Felicia's mutual feelings for one another that they cannot act upon. To be fair, there is a sufficient amount of female nudity and raunchy humour to remind us of what Sex Drive truly is, but the character dynamics are more thoughtful than a more run-of-the-mill comedy. In addition, director Anders is clearly a clever filmmaker - he especially shows great innovation in scenes displaying Ian's online conversations with his internet dalliance, with the chat windows appearing in the air beside Ian like captions in a comic book. It is a creative way to visualise what would otherwise be humdrum scenes of a guy on his laptop.

Leading the hysterical troupe of actors is Josh Zuckerman (Surviving Christmas) in the role of Ian. Zuckerman is sort of a goofy mishmash of Alan Cumming and Zach Braff, and in Sex Drive he summoned the same brand of boyish zest and uncomfortable innocence that worked so well for Jason Biggs in American Pie a decade earlier. Zuckerman was given plenty of amusing material to work with, and he carried out his duties to a high standard. Playing the feisty Felicia is Amanda Crew (Final Destination 3), who's a strong performer with charisma and a winning personality to make anyone fall for her. The highlight of the bunch, though, is Clark Duke in a star-making performance as Lance. In any other film, Duke - with glasses and his pudgy physique - would be a geeky, socially-awkward misfit who's hopeless around girls, but in Sex Drive he's a smooth, debonair playboy and a ladies man who has girls fawning over him. Fortunately, the supporting characters are just as hilarious as the leads. Unleashing his over-the-top comedic side, James Marsden (X-Men) is an absolute riot as Ian's brother; endowing his role with the intensity of a rabid dog. Seth Green also shows up temporarily as an Amish car mechanic, and he's a hilarious scene-stealer.

For the DVD of Sex Drive, Sean Anders and John Morris threw together an unrated extended cut of the film which runs for an extra 20 minutes. However, this is not a traditional extended version. Kicking off with an introduction by Anders and Morris themselves, it is a cut strictly for the fans. Not only does it include additional scenes and footage, but it also features ad-libbing, outtakes, and gratuitous additional nudity (generally in the form of random naked people being green-screened into a scene for no purpose at all). The theatrical cut is the movie the creators wanted to make; the unrated cut is merely self-indulgence for the filmmakers and the fans. Definitely watch the original version first.

The premise of Sex Drive is nothing new, but this is a very funny movie regardless of where its ideas were derived from, and the writing allows the plot to feel fresh and renewed. While nothing deep, this is a genuinely fun teen sex comedy that, for last of better word, had me laughing my ass off. Viewers seeking an enjoyable few hours of R-rated comedy should find Sex Drive to their taste. The film unfortunately sputtered and died at the box office during the theatrical run, but it really is worth picking up and watching. It may even develop into a cult classic.

7.8/10

The last time that former visual effects technician Scott Charles Stewart directed Paul Bettany in a motion picture, the result was 2010's quite literally God-awful Legion. Loosely based on the South Korean comic series of the same name, 2011's Priest is an improvement over Legion...but not by much. As befitting of a former effects technician, director Stewart only seems to think in visual terms without any thought towards narrative, tension or characterisation. While Stewart is visibly beginning to improve as an action filmmaker, Priest is dull and derivative; suffering from substandard screenwriting and bland acting. Fortuitously, the film flopped when it invaded cinema screens, so perhaps there is justice in the world.

For centuries, war has waged between humans and vampires. In response, the Catholic Church trains a cadre of priests to fight with superhuman, ninja-like skill, and they whittle down the vampire population until peace is restored and the bloodsuckers become relegated to reservations. With victory secured, the church disbands the priesthood, leaving them to fend for themselves with limited job skills. Living in obscurity, the eponymous Priest (Bettany) learns that his niece Lucy (Collins) has been kidnapped by a pack of vampires led by an outlaw known as Black Hat (Urban). Priest comes out of retirement to find Lucy with the help of the local Sheriff Hicks (Gigandet). Unfortunately for Priest, his decision puts him in violation of the Church's laws; meaning that he is turning his back on God. Suffice it to say, things progress is a thoroughly clichéd fashion, with very rare deviations from standard action movie tropes.

I put this question to the filmmakers: did movie-goers really need a gothic vampire reimagining of John Ford's classic western The Searchers? Borrowing barely a sliver from the graphic novel on which the film is based, writer Cory Goodman and director Stewart have created a vampiric update of The Searchers with a bunch of additional influences. Priest can best be described as a tasteless cocktail that was mixed by a rookie bartender - it combines The Searchers with Catholicism, Blade Runner, Van Helsing, Sergio Leone, Underworld and Mad Max. Not to mention, the vampires look a lot like those licker creatures from Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Sure, the combo sounds delicious, and fanboys lacking standards may find it cool, but Priest is a failure - a soulless, over-the-top, unbelievably hammy and lethally cheesy mess with a ridiculously overzealous score and generic dialogue. It's dangerously streamlined as well - the picture predominantly rewrites vampire lore, adding hives, monstrous queens and hulking guardians, but these ideas are so underexplored and underutilised that you cannot mark this film as anything but a wasted opportunity.

In terms of strengths, Priest's opening credits showcase a Manga-style animation detailing the epic war fought between humans and vampires. What a shame that nothing else in the movie is quite as inventive as this. The main problem is that the material is played with too much of a straight face. It is possible to accept ludicrousness, but it's unacceptable for an aggressively moronic movie to pretend that it's logically sound. Added to this, director Stewart has no understanding of how to effectively build tension, and due to his special effects experience he seemed to only be interested in staging big action scenes without paying adequate attention to the connective tissue. Cory Goodman's script is of no help due to how barebones it seems to be. How ironic that Legion had too much superfluous meat on its bones, whereas Priest was left with insufficient meat. (Whether Priest's barebones nature can be attributed to aggressive editing room tactics or Goodman's script is a mystery.) The antagonistic vampires, meanwhile, were brought to life with so-so digital effects, removing any sense of threat that they might otherwise impart. Admittedly, the filmmakers pushed the PG-13 rating to its very boundaries and beyond, and it's staggering that they obtained such a docile rating with so much violence. Nevertheless, there are too many moments of awkward cutaways, keeping the material blatantly censored when it's crying out for the full R-rated treatment.

Paul Bettany should apply for a restraining order against director Scott Charles Stewart before he gets typecast as a B-movie actor with the emoting skills of someone like Steven Seagal. Bettany played the role of Priest as a series of blank stares and with a monotone line delivery that fails to give the material the intensity and gravitas it demands. His lean physicality may be well-suited for the part, but this ranks among Bettany's very worst and disinteresting performances to date. (Not to mention, Priest is a human, yet without explanation he is shown to have the skills to literally defy gravity.) As Sheriff Hicks, Cam Gigandet clearly strived to play the role as a Han Solo type, and to his credit he's not bad, but the young actor comes up short in the personality department. Maggie Q is also present, but it's clear that she was only used for her skills as a martial artist than a thespian. And finally, Karl Urban barely registers as Black Hat.

Priest was delayed numerous times before ultimately landing in May 2011, and the main reason for the delay was to give the film an unneeded 3-D conversion. There was no compelling reason at all to give the film the extra dimension other than greed, as the film is still bad no matter how you view it. Perhaps at one stage Cory Goodman's script was something more substantial, with character development and dramatic growth to develop this post-apocalyptic world beyond the action highlight reel that director Stewart ended up knocking together and delivering. Clocking in at about 80 minutes, the storytelling texture of Priest was stripped away in favour of slo-mo action beats that are not intense or exciting enough. On a visceral level, the film has enough action and impressive visuals to hold the interest of most 12-year-old boys or other adolescents, but this type of thing is simply not enough. Priest just exists - it's not outright horrible and it is watchable to an extent, but it's nothing remotely memorable.

5.1/10

Based on Clive Barker's short story The Forbidden, Candyman is a horror movie which combines elements of cinematic ghost stories, archetypal slasher/stalker circumstances and urban legends - and it is a rather solid combination at that. While the original short story was only around 35 pages in length, writer-director Bernard Rose added creative ideas and interesting additional subplots to create this 95-minute exercise in terror. However, what's most impressive about Candyman is that it scares you with ideas and gore, instead of simply just gore. There are no screaming, virginal teens in this tale - just educated, smart adults, and the audience are generally treated as educated and smart throughout the movie. Indeed, Candyman gleefully celebrates its status as a proper horror film while also possessing intelligence and creativity; two elements found all too rarely in this genre.

Helen Lyle (Madsen) is a grad student working on a thesis about urban legends with fellow student Bernadette (Lemmons). While interviewing locals about their knowledge and experience with urban legends, she learns about the insidious legend of the Candyman (Todd); a murdered black man in a fashionably long coat who haunts the housing estate of Cabrini Green and who can be summoned by reciting his name five times in a mirror. Helen also learns that the residents of a slum neighbourhood are attributing a succession of gruesome murders to the Candyman. Unafraid of folktales, Helen attempts to summon the Candyman, and all hell begins to break loose. See, the Candyman is none too happy that Helen poses a threat to Cabrini Green's belief in him and thus his very existence. Helen ultimately becomes trapped in a waking nightmare, with the police and everyone else believing her to be a deranged, unhinged serial killer.

Clive Barker's original story explored urban myths within a depressed working class area of Liverpool, England, but Candyman's writer-director Bernard Rose shifted the narrative to Chicago. The result, surprisingly, is one occasion when a location change is actually beneficial - the shift allowed Rose to use America's historical baggage and racial turbulence to construct the mythology behind the titular Candyman, whose back-story is a bold tale of a brutal race crime involving illicit love and lynch mob retribution. Using Clive Barker's story as a blueprint, Rose created a new cinematic horror monster with the Candyman; an enigmatic antihero born out of romance and racism. With a hook for a hand and armed with real-life urban legend elements (the way Candyman is summoned is reminiscent of the story of Bloody Mary), a new horror icon was created.

With all this thought behind the story, the question looms: does it actually work as a horror film? The answer is a resounding yes, as the set-pieces are imaginative and there are a number of truly gruesome images which were brought to life with visual effects that remain disturbing by today's standards. The cinematography is impressive too, as the depressing slum environments provide an ominous backdrop for the supernatural premise; generating a tense ambience. The stark views of a cold Chicago make it seem as gothic as a haunted castle, and Phillip Glass' organ/piano/vocal score compounds the gothic sensibility. Furthermore, the ostensible directorial excesses such as the voiceover narration and a few random shots of bees and skylines are all placed in context here, and therefore feel necessary. The dialogue, too, is well-written, most notably the Candyman's lines which are chilling and poetic.

More mainstream-oriented film-goers may find Candyman's pacing to be too slow, but this helps the film more often than not; Rose took his time in letting the story unfold, and saved the violence for key moments to make the scares more effective. However, the film is flawed. The climax, for instance, seems too quick and too easy - a disappointing ending to a difficult journey. A powerful conclusion would have made this film an absolute knockout. In other areas, the police are of course extremely obtuse, and there are a few inescapable clichés that come off as contrived. Ultimately, I did not come away loving the movie despite its numerous strengths.

Horror movies are not often known for outstanding acting, but Candyman is better than average in the acting category. Virginia Madsen (Michael Madsen's sister, ladies and gentlemen) placed forth a convincing performance as the bewildered heroine Helen. Madsen imbued her role with confidence and intelligence, which makes the events of the second half feel all the more tragic and degrading. Not to mention, the mix of strength and weakness in Madsen's performance contributes to the sense of mental decay as Helen's world is turned upside down. Also excellent here is Tony Todd, who utterly inhabited the role of Candyman with commendable abandon. His powerful, authoritative voice ensures you will quickly fall under his sway. Meanwhile, Xander Berkeley is appropriately slimy as Helen's professor husband, and the amiable Kasi Lemmons submitted a fine performance as Helen's best pal Bernadette. Everyone's favourite Raimi brother Ted even shows up in what amounts to a mere cameo appearance, and he is an amusing highlight.

In spite of a few script flaws and slow patches, Candyman drips with atmosphere. Though conventional scare tactics are used from time to time, the majority of the film's feeling of dread is derived from Cabrini Green's grungy, graffiti-filled walls, as well as the mix of synthesised music and operatic vocals accompanying the material.

6.9/10

Trust Clint Eastwood to step up to the challenge of directing a space-based adventure movie in the shadow of moronic films like Armageddon and Battlefield Earth. Although imperfect, 2000's Space Cowboys is a consistently engaging and humorous drama-comedy with likeable characters, and it eschews the insulting idiocy of similar Hollywood pictures. Additionally, with the cast including such seasoned, charismatic screen legends as Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland and James Garner, Space Cowboys is immediately in a classy league of its own. One must admit, however, that this is a curious entry to Eastwood's esteemed filmography. During his long and prolific career as an actor, producer and director, Eastwood dabbled in several genres ranging from westerns to mysteries and war movies. But with Space Cowboys, Eastwood is overseeing a production involving extensive special effects and scenes set in zero gravity.

In 1958, the four men of Team Daedalus - Frank Corvin (Clint Eastwood), Hawk Hawkins (Tommy Lee Jones), Tank Sullivan (James Garner) and Jerry O'Neill (Donald Sutherland) - were the best that the American Air Force had to offer, and they were shaping up to be the first Americans in space. However, with the United States government creating NASA, the high-ranking Bob Gerson (James Cromwell) replaces the hopeful Team Daedalus with a chimpanzee. Years later, in the late 1990s, a Russian communication satellite begins losing altitude and threatens to plummet to Earth. NASA agrees to help the Soviets, but NASA engineers cannot understand the satellite's dated guidance system from the 1960s. Unfortunately for Gerson, his only hope is to recruit the system's creator, Frank Corvin, who is now a senior citizen. Frank, who still despises Gerson, only agrees to help on one condition: that he and the other guys from the former Team Daedalus can travel into space to repair the satellite.

A light-hearted, feel-good boy's movie, Space Cowboys is a convincing home run. Written by Ken Kaufman and Howard Klausner, it is entertaining and enjoyable, with an interesting story that translates to something engrossing and well-paced in Eastwood's trustworthy hands. Although the movie is primarily a drama, there is ample humour, and Eastwood handles the material with a deft hand. By endowing every character - even the supporting roles - with strong personalities, witty humour flows from their interactions without descending into self-parody. Even more surprisingly, Eastwood and the screenwriters take the story beyond the comedic to include moments of drama and tragedy, which is incredibly effective.

With a hefty 130-minute runtime, Eastwood wisely devotes the first two-thirds of Space Cowboys to setting up the characters and the story. Before the characters blast off into space and, consequently, into the possibility of danger, we have the opportunity to genuinely get to know the guys and grow to like them, warts and all. The character development is unhurried and compelling, thanks to the witty writing and the impeccable cast of screen legends. Eastwood clearly understands that action movies are more exciting and engaging if audiences care about the characters. With that said, though, a few clichéd storytelling fragments do not entirely gel, such as a barroom brawl that arises due to the clichéd hostility between Frank and Hawk. However, these shortcomings barely matter since the sense of fun never wanes. Thankfully, too, the final act is consistently gripping once the action shifts into outer space.

Those expecting Space Cowboys to incorporate aliens, space warfare, or large-scale battles should look elsewhere for entertainment, as Eastwood's film is closer in tone to Apollo 13 - it's a drama that is more about the characters than the spectacle. Space Cowboys also demonstrates that such a film can be intense and nail-biting if something goes wrong in space, and that is what happens to fuel the movie's climactic moments. Superficially, the film shares similarities to Armageddon, as it likewise involves several oddball characters going into space to stop a disaster. But the similarities end there, as Space Cowboys confidently surpasses the Michael Bay-directed film due to its quieter tone, more likeable characters, and a firm refusal to become an overblown, brainless blockbuster. NASA even consulted on the production to enhance the film's authenticity, allowing everything to feel real and plausible instead of overtly Hollywoodised. It helps that the visual effects by Industrial Light and Magic are stunning, vividly bringing the space scenes to life through old-school miniatures, enormous sets and digital doubles. Plus, with cinematographer Jack N. Green capturing the action on 35mm film, the picture carries a tangible, old-school appearance instead of a glossy digital look. Over two decades later, the illusion effortlessly stands up.

Most of the fun of Space Cowboys derives from watching the leads in their autumnal years playing geriatric space jockeys and bantering with one another. All four leads are charismatic and comforting to watch, and we can quickly grow to like these guys. Even though Eastwood also produced and directed the film, this is not an ego trip for him, with the other guys receiving plenty of quality script material to work with. Tommy Lee Jones, James Garner and Donald Sutherland all score most of the laughs and get a large majority of the side-splitting one-liners, and Jones is the one who gets the girl in the end. The sense of camaraderie within the group and the chemistry they share is tangible and charming; as a result, it is pleasant to spend time in their company for two hours. Even the supporting cast is outstanding, with actors like James Cromwell, Marcia Gay Harden and William Devane bringing their A-game to the table here. The picture commences with a black-and-white prologue featuring younger versions of Gersen and Team Daedalus, and the actors share an adequate resemblance to their older counterparts, but less effective is the decision to dub the actors with the voices of Eastwood, Jones, Garner, Sutherland and Cromwell. The voices sound distinctly older, and the resulting audiovisual dissonance is strange.

Curmudgeons and cynical movie-goers could probably find things to complain about since the storytelling is not devoid of clichés, the film does take liberties with science, and it's not exactly groundbreaking cinema. Yet, it all adds up to a fun time, and the joy of Space Cowboys is spending quality time with charismatic actors who work well together and easily score laughs. With an engaging story, several humorous moments, a pulse-pounding climax, and a heartwarming outlook on life, Space Cowboys is top-notch family-friendly filmmaking.

7.9/10

Adapted from the pages of a Dark Horses Comics series, 1994's Timecop essentially uses the same type of formula applied to Total Recall: put a popular action star into a science fiction setting, add a few plot twists, and give the action star all the leeway he needs to blast and punch his way out of trouble. A futuristic time travel cop action-thriller produced by Sam Raimi and Robert Rapert (of Evil Dead fame), Timecop ranks among the best films of Jean-Claude Van Damme's filmography, not to mention it is to date his highest grossing theatrical release (earning over $100 million worldwide). With that said though, the film only works as a primal shoot-'em-up slice of action cinema and a guilty pleasure best watched with alcohol. Viewed as a serious futuristic time travel movie, on the other hand, Timecop has some fairly glaring issues.

In 1994, time travel has become possible thanks to new scientific breakthroughs. Travelling into the future cannot be done yet, but travelling into the past has become a reality, and with that reality comes the very real danger of the past being manipulated to alter present-day. In order to maintain the status quo, the Time Enforcement Commission (TEC) is established by the government, sponsored by young hotshot Senator McComb (Silver) who immediately sees the potential for wielding control over the TEC and using time travel for his personal benefit. Enter Max Walker (Van Damme), who works at the agency but whose wife was murdered in 1994 by a group of assailants. Fast-forward to 2004, and Walker learns that Senator McComb is manipulating time in order to amass the necessary funds to buy the Presidency, all the while working to permanently shut down TEC.

If one strips away the time travelling tomfoolery, Timecop is merely a typical Van Damme action flick. With the sci-fi element, though, the film becomes both stupider and a bit more audacious than a more run-of-the-mill effort. See, any film involving time travel is inherently traversing precarious ground, and Timecop is no different - it's marred by a few plot holes and stupidities. For instance, there are no noticeable effects on present-day when Walker travels back to 1928 to kick ass, dodge bullets fired from a futuristic laser canon in front of a lot of people, and leap out a window only to disappear into a wormhole above a busy street. In another scene, a character explains that Confederate gold bullion stolen from the past was carbon-dated to reveal that it was indeed minted back in the mid-1800s. Aside from the fast that gold cannot be tested this way, if it was brought forward through time then it would not test as being 130 years old, right? How does that make sense? And then there is the time travel shuttle launcher which seems to be half though-out. How do the time travellers leave the rocket when they pass through the time portal, but magically reappear in it upon returning to the present? At least the writers did not attempt to explain the science of time travel, which would've sounded ridiculous.

Directed by Peter Hyams and written by Mike Richardson and Mark Verheiden, Timecop is a derivative but entertaining action diversion, and, at a lean 90 minutes in length, it does not outstay its welcome. Ultimately, how much you enjoy the film depends on your fondness for Van Damme (and action movies in general) as well as your ability to turn off your brain for the sake of action and some nifty story twists. Thankfully, director Peter Hyams makes it easy to enjoy the carnage at surface level, as the movie shifts forward at a good pace and there are plenty of competently-executed action sequences unlikely to put anyone to sleep. Hyams saw the movie for what it is - an excuse for plenty of fighting, stunts, special effects and gunfights. Someone like James Cameron could have probably taken both the action/effects and the story seriously enough to hone the concept to excellent, but Timecop is fun for what it is, and over-thinking the film too much would destroy the effortless pleasures it affords. Interestingly, time has not been kind to several of the film's less critical components, such as the hilariously overblown futuristic cars and Van Damme's hairdo.

Jean-Claude Van Damme did not become famous for his acting ability or his thick Belgian accent. Rather, the Muscles from Brussels earned worldwide recognition for his kickboxing abilities, good looks and muscular physique. Fortunately, Van Damme's work here is actually decent; easily watchable, and at no point notably terrible. He lacks the presence of someone like Charles Bronson, but Van Damme exudes more charisma than someone like Steven Seagal. And as the villain of Timecop, Ron Silver is menacing enough and exudes an adequate amount of intensity. The only other notable cast members include Mia Sara (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) who's surprisingly terrific as Walker's wife, and an affable Bruce McGill playing the head of TEC. As a side note, whoever did the hair and make-up gets major plaudits for doing a sublime job of making the 2004 versions of the characters look older than their 1994 counterparts. (Or maybe the actors were made to look younger? It's hard to tell!)

All things considered, Timecop is a fun little reminder of how action films were created back in the early 1990s. The film is carefully calculated to deliver plenty of action, sex, nudity and special effects in every reel, and Timecop is a slickly-produced actioner to boot. If you can engage the film for its duration without the pretence of greatness, this is a fun time-waster. It's definitely cheesy, but this merely adds to its old-school charm.

7.1/10

A cyberpunk action flick, Johnny Mnemonic is based on William Gibson's short story of the same name. To the credit of Johnny Mnemonic's producers, they recruited Gibson to adapt his own story into a full-length screenplay, which in theory should've been the catalyst for a successful page-to-screen translation. Alas, the ensuing feature is a jumble of clichés, terrible dialogue, crackpot ideas and lethally uninspired craftsmanship. This was the first feature film for both Gibson and director Robert Longo (an artist who'd dabbled in music videos), and their inexperience is blatantly obvious. Lacking in heart, soul and intelligence, Johnny Mnemonic is a train wreck of cataclysmic proportions if viewed as a serious science fiction movie. However, if you perceive the film as a campy, comedic '90s cyberpunk action movie, this is a home run. Damn cheesy and irresistibly hilarious, this is the reason why the term "guilty pleasure" was invented.

Set in 2021, Johnny (Keanu Reeves) is a Mnemonic courier possessing a brain implant capable of storing electronic data, making him ideal for black market information transferral. His storage capacity is 80GB, but can be extended to 160GB with the help of a 'doubler' (in an age of 2TB external hard-drives, think about how hilarious this notion is). Johnny wants to quit the business, but is told he must complete one final job (oh, it's one of those plots). Despite the job requiring the transfer of a 320GB file, Johnny agrees. Problem is, such an overload is guaranteed to cause 'seepage', wherein the content leaks into his regular brain and cripples his cortex. Johnny has less than 24 hours to remove the data from his brain before he dies. Further complicating matters is a bunch of yakuza gangsters who are also determined to obtain the data. Also thrown into the mix is the most ridiculous bounty hunter ever: a Street Preacher (Dolph Lundgren) who wears a robe and carries a staff, and who smites both sinners and people with a price on their heads. Fortunately for Johnny, he happens upon Jane (Dina Meyer), who has conveniently-placed friends in high places who can help.

In a decade which bore the release of The Matrix and Twelve Monkeys among others, Johnny Mnemonic is definitely one of the lesser sci-fi films of the '90s. Clearly, the makers of Johnny Mnemonic set out to craft a Blade Runner for the '90s, using esteemed author William Gibson's interpretation of the future and rapidly-advancing technology to give the impression of smarts. The main problem, though, is the dumb as rocks script. Just because the film takes place in a futuristic setting does not mean that all logic and coherence should be discarded. I mean, why store data in the brain when a portable hard-drive would easily suffice? All of the stored data can be accessed by chopping the courier's head off, after all. The dialogue, meanwhile, is amazingly cheesy and unbelievably terrible. Fortunately, Johnny Mnemonic is ridiculously goofy and outright bad enough to be fun, even if it's not a good film at all. The production values are amazingly campy, with "futuristic" sets and effects that often look very cheap - the film looks closer to Mad Max than Blade Runner.

"It's Jesus time!"

Made in 1995, Johnny Mnemonic remains an interesting document due to its laughable vision of 2021. For a film that pondered the near-future, it is already hilariously wrong in 2011. For instance, in ten years from now, do you think a big bulky desktop computer will be essential for accessing the internet? And do not make me bring up the aforementioned discussion of memory sizes. Just don't do it. Meanwhile, Johnny Mnemonic's vision of the future of the internet is ludicrous; a Tron-inspired virtual reality interface constructed with CGI that looks primitive all these years on, though its out-datedness admittedly makes it look nifty. Oh, and there is a scene featuring a cyborg dolphin floating in a glowing green tank. If this stuff doesn't get you laughing uncontrollably, nothing will. Interestingly, in one scene, the titular main character asks for a "Thompson iPhone". It's a complete coincidence, of course, but you'll probably rewind the film and do a double take.

With Keanu Reeves in the title role, Johnny Mnemonic can be perceived as sci-fi practice for the star before his success in the much superior The Matrix four years later. (Incredibly, Reeves here plays a character who wears a simple black suit and a straight tie who is known to his clients as Mr. Smith...) In all likelihood, all of the actors here were told they were making a comedy. Reeves is downright side-splitting in the title role thanks to his overacting and ridiculously hammy line readings. (And does anyone else see the innate humour in the notion of Reeves' brain being overloaded beyond its full capacity?) Alongside Reeves, in her theatrical film debut, Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers) is awful in every frame, but hilariously so. And then there's rapper-turned-actor Ice-T sporting facial tattoos, dreadlocks and a pair of ski goggles. You cannot make this stuff up. Rounding out the most notable players is Dolph Lundgren playing a bearded, homicidal preacher-come-assassin wearing Jesus robes and sporting a large beard, and who at one stage announces his presence by bursting into a room behind a gurney on which lies a woman who was stabbed through the heart with a crucifix. Dolph's dead-eyed, monotone acting is abysmal to the point of hilarity, and he's an absolute scene-stealer. With the actors filling their lines with false, forced intensity, there are a lot of unintentional laughs to be had.

At no point can anyone consider Johnny Mnemonic (Johnny Moronic?) a good or even a decent film, but it has its fair share of cult movie charms, from its cheap-looking sets to the old hat CGI to the surfeit of bad acting (I'm never going to grow sick of Dolph Lundgren waving his staff around). Over-the-top and deliciously hammy, this is an irresistibly fun movie lacking in drama, tension and logic that tries to be intelligent - it's like a mentally challenged person trying to use big words in a bid to sound smart but just comes off as even more moronic instead. It's tough not to like this film on some juvenile level due to how awesomely terrible it is, so watch it with copious amounts of alcohol when you wish to give your brain a rest.

As a serious movie? 4.9/10
As a campy piece of unintentional hilarity? 9/10

A computer-animated picture courtesy of the House of Mouse that was stuck in development hell for many years (Ewan McGregor and Kate Winslet were originally attached to voice the leads) and with a staggering nine credited writers, Gnomeo & Juliet most likely began life as a one-line idea based on a clever pun. Despite these aspects working against it, Gnomeo & Juliet is a bright, boundlessly enjoyable animated romp that amusingly turns William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet on its head. It actually appeals to viewers of most age groups, too - adults will be consistently amused by the references and in-jokes to Shakespeare's famed works (including a snide opening sequence), while the kids will learn a bit about the original play as they become enraptured by the likeable characters and the fast-paced narrative machinations. Sure, Gnomeo & Juliet is on the lightweight side and it in no way can compare to the thematic complexity of Pixar's most accomplished works, but it is fun and easygoing. Sometimes, that's just enough.

Next-door neighbours on Verona Drive in a serene English suburb, Miss Montague (Walters) and Mr. Capulet (Wilson) are sworn enemies whose feud extends to the community of garden gnomes and assorted lawn decorations in their backyards. Coming alive when their human owners are not around, the red and blue-hatted gnomes may be separated by a fence, but they often interact to bicker and compete in lawnmower races in the alley behind their houses. From these two feuding families emerges star-crossed lovers Gnomeo (McAvoy) and Juliet (Blunt), who share a meet cute when their colours are camouflaged and decide to give into their mutual feelings. Working to ensure their relationship is kept a secret with help from friendly plastic flamingo Featherstone (Cummings), Gnomeo and Juliet are confronted with a seemingly impossible uphill battle for neighbourhood peace.

Speaking from a structural standpoint, Gnomeo & Juliet is standard-order stuff. The feature is based on an age-old tale of forbidden love, but the peripherals are entirely derived from the 21st Century computer-animated family film playbook - it feels like Toy Story and Over the Hedge merged with William Shakespeare. The concept of using gnomes is amusing, and this is exploited for gags playing on the inherent limitations of being ceramic. To the credit of the filmmakers, Gnomeo & Juliet is a quick-witted slice of family entertainment, demanding multiple viewings in order to pick up on all the gags. Shakespeare fans will likely appreciate the occasional references to the Bard's work through visual cues (a moving company is called As You Like It) and dialogue (at one stage, a character says "Out, out" and another chimes in with "out spot"), not to mention Patrick Stewart pops in towards the end for a cameo as a bronze Shakespeare statue. The sheer energy of the material is never subdued for any great length of time, and a bevy of classic Elton John tunes (John executive produced) were reworked into orchestral arrangements or used for montages. Alas, not every joke is a home run - a slow-mo fighting sequence parodying The Matrix is a decade late, as is a nod to American Beauty - but at least the picture is never boring.

The world of Gnomeo & Juliet is visually and aesthetically stunning, with animation that borders on photorealism. The gnomes are extraordinarily detailed, and the filmmakers did a superlative job of creating an entire world from what amounts to two insignificant adjoining backyards. Common backyard items were worked into the plot to ingenious extents; making good use of decorative knickknack to either further the story or enrich the humour. However, there is not a great deal to be found below the surface - Gnomeo & Juliet is thematically vacant outside of the "true love conquers all" angle and a few comments on race relations that are a bit too on the nose. (At one stage, Gnomeo and Juliet point out their colours to Featherstone, who replies "And I'm a pink, who cares?") However, this is not too much of an issue. Without reaching the profound thematic depths of Pixar, Gnomeo & Juliet is pure shallow entertainment that works thanks to the concept's inherent cuteness and the quality of the execution.

Not to mention, those working behind the scenes managed to assemble an excellent bevy of talent for the voice cast. Disney have the money to recruit big names, so listen closely for familiar voices in more than just the principal roles - even the likes of Hulk Hogan, Patrick Stewart and Ozzy Osbourne feature in small supporting roles (Stewart in particular brings gravitas with a capital 'G'). As the pair of titular lovers, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt are suitably cute and charming, while Michael Caine and Maggie Smith afford class and substance to their family patriarchs roles. Meanwhile, an underused Jason Statham makes Tybalt sound like a true bully, and Ashley Jensen is bubbly and quick-witted as a garden frog and Juliet's best friend (the counterpart to the original story's Nurse character). Jim Cummings is the standout as Featherstone the flamingo, though - his dialogue is bursting with comedic gusto.

Boasting plenty of chuckles and a whimsical charm, Gnomeo & Juliet is not an instant classic, but it is good enough to win over kids and their respective parents for an easygoing night of family entertainment. While the gimmick of sending up Shakespeare will likely be lost on the kids - who will nonetheless enjoy the vibrant colour palette, fast pace and overall cuteness - older and more literate viewers will be able to appreciate the satire peppered throughout the script. This is not even close to being the definitive Romeo & Juliet retelling, but it's a fun reworking of a familiar tale.

7.1/10

It's surprising that The Roommate wasn't entitled Single White Female: The College Years, since this flick is pretty much just a Single White Female redux for which the filmmakers trimmed a few years off the cast and, just to be safe, also trimmed down characterisation, logic, etc... Simply put, The Roommate is unbearable and uncreative, and it was merely designed to appeal to unstable teen girls unable to think of anything better to spend their pocket money on. Considering how utterly generic this piece of shit is, The Roommate must have been green-lit by a studio with literally nothing else to make. The treatment was probably stitched together during a lunch meeting, the casting directors most likely just chose a few random hot names out of a hat, and in all likelihood the director was chosen by a process of drawing straws. The Roommate is a thriller that's all about the superficial - the people are attractive, the film is glossy and the score is generic, all of which give the picture the appearance of competency...but it is all rendered naught thanks to a lousy script and absolutely no feeling or passion.

A freshman at the University of Los Angeles, Sara (Kelly) has no sooner moved into her dorm and attended her first frat party when she meets her roommate: gifted artist Rebecca (Meester). The two girls initially hit it off fairly well, bonding over their adoration for art and coffee shops, until it becomes clear that Rebecca has a major overprotective streak and a dangerous obsession with Sara. Undeterred, Sara finds love with frat hunk and drummer Stephen (Gigandet), though the time they spend together further disrupts Rebecca's dream of a close bond with Sara. Pretty soon, Rebecca's possessive behaviour spills over into violence, and no-one is safe if they attempt to get close to Sara...

It should not come as a shock to learn that The Roommate is totally and utterly formulaic; stealing elements from a lot of past movies. Traces of 1987's Fatal Attraction, the aforementioned Single White Female, 1993's The Crush and 2002's Swimfan can be detected as the film goes through the generic motions with all the enthusiasm of a fat guy eating a salad. Frankly, The Roommate feels like a science fiction film written by alien life-forms; an utterly peculiar, half-cocked guesswork of what life is like at an American college, permeated with dismal dialogue and a story executed in a moronic fashion. Instead of something approaching a semblance of reality, The Roommate is a film set in a surreal, absurdist alternative universe where everyone is stunningly beautiful, teenagers look closer to the age of 30 than 18, and sleazy professors are a dime a dozen.

The Roommate was marketed as a thriller, but it is not even remotely scary. Sure, it was intended to be more of a psychological thriller than an outright horror movie, but aren't there still supposed to be scares or moments of nail-biting intensity? And no, those generic "sharp musical cues" or "jump out of the shadows" moments do not count, because even those are hopelessly ineffective here. The Roommate was never going to be a good movie in a traditional sense, but it could have been decent or watchable if more attention was paid to suspense or the dynamics of the plot. Instead, it for the most part plays out like a boring, middle-of-the-road teen television show like One Tree Hill or 90210 while a generic-looking chick wanders around giving a generic glare that's more funny than menacing. And it takes itself far too seriously. Heck, if the film merely included sleazy elements like violence or hardcore nudity and sex, I'd have at least enjoyed it and could've gotten drunk watching it. But alas, The Roommate sits in the strange, indeterminate hinterland between straight-faced horror and enjoyable thriller. It's all just really flat and tedious on top of being incredibly, agonisingly boring.

And did I mention the rampant stupidity? Not even half an hour into the film, Rebecca terrorises and assaults a girl in a darkened bathroom. The victim's response is not to warn anyone or go to the police, but to move out of the dorm without a single word spoken to anyone. Rebecca threatens to kill her if she reports the attack, but come on, this girl wouldn't even be threatening to a fucking garden gnome, let alone the police if the attack was reported. And it takes far too long for the characters to notice the warning signs suggesting something is not quite right with Rebecca. Sure, Alfred Hitchcock told us that suspense is when the audience knows there's a bomb under the table and the characters do not, but if the bomb is incredibly fucking obvious and ticks louder than Big Ben, then that is not suspense - it just means we're dealing with a bunch of nitwits.

For the most part, the actors are awful. Each character is physically fit with perfect make-up, and their clothes are straight off of Rodeo Drive, meaning the casting directors just focused on looks and bankability rather than, you know, acting talent. Leighton Meester is in no way intimidating as Rebecca - she just glares at people. If a girl ever glared at me like that, I'd just flip the bitch off. Problem solved. As Sara, Minka Kelly appears to at least be trying, but she's limited by the material. The only cast member I actually liked was Cam Gigandet, because it seems as if he was mugging the camera with intentionally awful acting for the lulz. Brilliant.

At this point in time, it has become a bona fide fact that any PG-13 rated "handsome teenagers in danger" movies will suck. It's not a stereotype or a shallow observation based on a want for boobs or mindless violence...it's a sad fact. The Roommate is irreparably crippled by its fucking obvious PG-13 rating and the lack of realisation that the further you go, the closer you get to a black comedy. Heck, with the right people behind it, this could have been a gripping, twisted, hilarious horror classic. What a shame it isn't. The Roommate was decimated by critics, and the box office returns were entirely middling. Come 2012, nobody will remember this movie, so there is no reason to bother checking it out.

2.4/10

Following their parodies of zombie flicks (2004's Shaun of the Dead) and action films/buddy cop movies/murder mysteries (2007's Hot Fuzz), the endearing British comedy duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost turned to road movies and sci-fi for 2011's Paul. However, while Shaun and Hot Fuzz were British movies directed by Edgar Wright, American director Greg Mottola replaced the boys' usual collaborator to helm this American-produced comedy. Thankfully, though, these aspects do not dilute the boys' comic genius. In less adroit hands, Paul would've simply been a wacky comedy with relentless profanity, toilet humour and drugs. With Pegg and Frost having written the script, though, Paul is both a satisfying comedy and a valentine to the sci-fi genre. It is not a satire of science fiction or a parody, but a good old-fashioned road trip comedy that's endowed with a Spielbergian concept and loaded with movie references, fun absurdity and R-rated tomfoolery...and it just happens to feature an alien.

A couple of geeky English buddies with big dreams but little gumption to achieve them, artist Graeme (Pegg) and writer Clive (Frost) have travelled to America to attend Comic-Con. Afterwards, the boys embark on an RV tour through the American Southwest to visit all the "classic" UFO hotspots, hoping to expose their geek minds to some extraterrestrial history. No sooner have they hit the road that the pair happen upon Paul (voiced by Rogen), an alien who escaped from American captivity after spending years feeding Hollywood and the military all of his secrets and ideas. The American government wants to harvest Paul's brain, though, prompting Paul to escape in the hope of getting back home. After an awkward meeting, Graeme and Clive agree to hit the road with the sociable pot-smoking alien. Meanwhile, the Men in Black are in hot pursuit to recapture Paul, and the trio becomes a foursome when they kidnap a Christian zealot (Wiig) who initially believes Paul to be a demon.

With Paul, it seems that there isn't a well-worn genre or a premise that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost cannot make good through their witty touch. It's clear these guys are enormous, geeky movie fans, since everything they've written has been built on a foundation of cinematic homage and referencing (see the TV show Spaced in particular). These qualities are very obvious in Paul, as lines from science fiction films like Star Wars, Predator and Aliens appear in the script, along with nods to other well-known sci-fi pictures like E.T., Star Trek and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Indeed, Paul is pure geek bait - it practically bleeds green. This is heightened by the fact that the film is bookended by scenes taking place at Comic-Con. Heck, Steven Spielberg even agreed to do a voice cameo. And my word, the Spielberg cameo is a great touch.

Paul's humour is of the distinctly British variety despite its American director and setting, which is suitable considering Pegg and Frost scripted the picture. However, while Paul is often a very funny flick, it is not always on the prowl for belly-laughs - most of the highlights are merely cause for loud chuckles or big grins. Yet, this is not a criticism; rather than ladling on thunderous laughs, Paul has an easygoing joviality that works far better. Paul is a genuinely warm comedy, with affable characters embodying sheer humanity and warmth. What's perhaps most remarkable is that the narrative never grows dull or plodding. Most comedies are positively drab in between the belly-laughs, but not Paul - the energy levels never flag. Deep down it lacks the spark of excellence of Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead (perhaps Edgar Wright's exclusion has something to do with this), but it works well enough on its own merits.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are an awesome comedic twosome here. The pair are as amiable as ever, sharing a breezy repartee and an effortless chemistry highlighting their real-life friendship. Admittedly, Pegg and Frost simply play the same type of roles they're frequently associated with, but at least they're actually good at these roles and have personality. In a nod to Spaced, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, there's an ongoing joke about how everyone who meets the boys mistakes them for gay lovers, leading to a number of amusing moments.

Fortunately, Pegg and Frost are not the only talented members of the cast - Paul is one of those rare comedies brimming with talent, and each cast member has a moment to shine. Voiced pitch-perfectly by Seth Rogen (he was born to give personality to CG creations), the titular Paul is a digital creation, yet he effortlessly fits in and it's easy to forget his CGI origins thanks to realistic animation and amusing laugh lines. Alongside him, Jason Bateman is as funny and watchable as ever as Agent Zoil, while Bill Hader and Joe Lo Truglio score a tonne of laughs as a bumbling pair of government agents. The cream of the crop, though, is Kristen Wiig as Ruth. She's excellent not just because her character has the most interesting arc, but because she is bloody hilarious; a scene-stealer from start to finish. Meanwhile, Sigourney Weaver also shows her comic instincts in her minor role here, and Blythe Danner is predictably good as the first person Paul met on Earth. Rounding out the cast is John Carroll Lynch playing Ruth's religious nutcase of a father.

In the running for the best comedy of 2011, Paul is a close encounter with the comic brilliance of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost that tickled both my funny bone and my geek bone, and it possesses infinite replay value. While it's not as funny as the duo's previous films, this is a flick with heart and a three-dimensional roster of characters.

8.1/10

A fleeting glance at the cover art, trailer or plot synopsis for Romancing the Stone, and it would seem that this Robert Zemeckis-directed picture could have easily bore the title Raiders of the Lost Stone. However, this would be writing off a film that deserves far more credit and attention. While it does at times play out like an Indiana Jones-style action-adventure serial, Romancing the Stone was written before Raiders of the Lost Ark even went into production, and the film's Saturday matinee spirit is merged with outright romance. In addition, a certain kitschy, tongue-in-cheek tone and spirit permeates this little-known 1984 gem, to the point that it could be foremost considered a comedy. In short, this is a superbly entertaining blend of humour, action and romance, all the while retaining a 1980s vibe in terms of soundtrack and flair for theatrics.

Romancing the Stone begins as frumpy romance novelist Joan Wilder (Turner) completes her latest romantic saga and passes it onto her publisher. Not long afterwards, she receives a mysterious package from her sister Elaine (Trainor) and soon finds herself embroiled in a ransom scheme, with a couple of criminals demanding Joan travels to Columbia to deliver a treasure map in exchange for Elaine's life. Fundamentally stepping into one of her own adventure-romance novels, Joan heads to the dangerous jungles of Columbia where she meets dashing treasure seeker Jack T. Colton (Douglas) who agrees to help (in exchange for money). Together, Jack and Joan race to save Elaine, all the while being pursued by a moustachioed villain (Ojeda) who is also determined to obtain the map.

For all intents and purposes, Romancing the Stone should not have been the massive hit that it was. At the time, Michael Douglas was known as a bit player and a producer, while Kathleen Turner had only starred in one movie of note (Body Heat) and screenwriter Diane Thomas was merely a wannabe working in a diner. Douglas hired Robert Zemeckis to take the helm, who hadn't worked in four years and had not directed anything of note at this early stage in his career. The film had all the earmarks of a failure and studio insiders expected it to flop, and yet it was a hit - Romancing the Stone hit a nerve with feminists and hopeless romantics, and was adored by movie-goers simply seeking a good time. In fact, it grossed over eight times its production budget, leading to a sequel (Jewel of the Nile) and allowing Zemeckis to make Back to the Future. The success and long-term staying power of Romancing the Stone can mostly be attributed to the way the filmmakers melded action, adventure, comedy and romance with such ease and charisma. Diane Thomas' screenplay also deserves credit. Sure, the structure is basic and the characters are obvious, but that's the point. It's simple, and it works because of how witty it is. There are enough hilarious one-liners here to sink a battleship. It's a damn shame that Diane tragically died before she could complete another script.

Movies like Romancing the Stone are not about thematic depth or insight, but pure, unadulterated fun ladled up in scoops as large as the audience can swallow. With this film, Robert Zemeckis was handling a large canvas and a bunch of soon-to-be-major stars for the first time in his career, and his efforts are without a fault. Opening with a fast and humorous fantasy sequence, Zemeckis managed to keep the pace taut and the energy levels high from start to finish while effortlessly handling the tonal changes of this multi-faceted jewel with great panache - the comedic scenes are hilarious, the action scenes are fun and exciting, and the moments of peril simply drip with a sense of danger. All these years on, this film still retains its hard-to-nail charm. Furthermore, Romancing the Stone is sure to trigger a nostalgic smile due to the '80s hairstyles, costumes and style, not to mention the delightful, jazzy, instantly recognisable soundtrack.

Of course, the script's brilliant integration of styles, well-written characters and classic love story would mean nothing without the talents of the right stars, and, in this regard, Romancing the Stone is an unequivocal success once again. As Jack T. Colton and Joan Wilder, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner share a sizzling chemistry that seems to defy the laws of cinematic convention. The relationship they strike up is not only believable, but it feels wholly organic in its formation, progression and solidification; all within the film's 100-minute runtime and all being born out of the action, drama and humour of the story. Douglas' superbly charismatic performance exudes tough guy bravado and is infused with a boorish attitude; the polar opposite of the heroes Joan writes about in her novels. Turner, meanwhile, has never been more beautiful, and she captured the lonely heart spirit perfectly. Another standout is Danny DeVito, who provides an extra dose of humour to help make the experience the utter delight that it is.

Romancing the Stone is straightforward and hokey, to be sure, and not a little silly, yet it is always exciting and light on its feet; never taking itself too seriously, and at no point outstaying its welcome while trying to supply a thrill (or a laugh) a minute. Infused with an '80s persona, this is the type of film which reminds viewers of a time before big-budget superhero movies and CGI infested blockbusters produced on an "everything must be bigger" mentality. They just don't make films as bright, fun and witty as Romancing the Stone anymore. It is easy to fall in love with this overlooked, forgotten little gem.

9.0/10