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First Viewing Viewing Date: December 30th Via: Netflix Plot: Two low-level astronomers must go on a giant media tour to warn mankind of an approaching comet that will destroy planet Earth. Rating: 5.2/10

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 29th Via: Amazon Prime Plot: An evening of drunken prank calls becomes a nightmare for two teenagers when a stranger turns their own game against them, with deadly consequences. Rating: 6.4/10

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 28th Via: Stan. Plot: A German submarine is boarded by disguised American submariners trying to capture their Enigma cipher machine. Rating: 6.7/10

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 27th Via: iTunes Store Plot: During the Great Depression, a talented but down-on-his-luck singer-songwriter travels to Nashville hoping for the opportunity to perform. Joining him in his teen nephew who's desperate to see the wider world. Rating: 6.6/10

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 26th Via: iTunes Store Plot: A reformed sociopath journeys to a remote island to investigate the mystery behind his brother's demise, but is soon confronted with hostile family and a team of armed mercenaries searching for something. Rating: 5.3/10

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 26th Via: Netflix Plot: A school teacher is forced to confront a brutal act from his past when a pair of ruthless drifters takes him and his family on a nightmare road-trip. Rating: 5.9/10

Christmastime Viewings: 2021 (34 movies items)

" Glad you enjoyed Night Drive! Thanks for the recommendation! I wouldn’t have seen it otherwise!"

First Viewing Plot: An orphan drummer boy who hated humanity finds his life changed forever when he meets three wise men on route to Bethlehem.

So this was... fine, I guess. I figured I should squeeze in a Rankin/Bass classic for all of my December marathons, and I needed something respectable to ensure the abominable Black Christmas wasn't going to close out the list. Sufficiently charming and tight but undeniably dated, Little Drummer Boy never really grabbed my full attention, but I did appreciate the songs. And that's about all I have to say.

First Viewing Plot: A group of female students is stalked by a stranger during their Christmas break. That is until the young sorority pledges discover that the killer is part of an underground college conspiracy.

Jesus wept, this movie is fucking dreadful. It's despicable filmmaking from top to bottom; boring, incompetent, and with a script that makes Movie 43 look solid in comparison. This is a horror movie without anything in the way of horror, tension, suspense or white-knuckle terror. The attack scenes just happen, and no suspense precedes any of the kills, which amount to the laziest and most ineffective jump scares I've ever seen. I didn't give a fuck about any of the characters at any time during the movie, making me feel even more detached from the proceedings. It's also PG-13, so the kills are bloodless and there aren't even any creative moments of gore. The camera shies away from capturing anything bloody; one person slowly turns a corpse around which has a shard of glass embedded in its head, and it abruptly cuts to the reaction shot before the wound is even visible. The directing is atrocious, to the point that a random action showdown during the climax is completely unexciting and downright boring. There's no visual style or flair to this cinematic diarrhea. But the worst part of this Black Christmas is the politics. This is a piece of political activism full of wrong-headed grandstanding and propaganda, wherein all white males are portrayed as stupid pieces of shit and the only decent man is the only male of color in the ensemble. Subtle. Plus, the dialogue sounds like an ill-informed Twitter diatribe. But for a female empowerment movie, it's astonishing how many of the female victims don't fight back and just accept their fate. And then, randomly, at the end the female survivors (heh, subtle) suddenly turn into a platoon of soldiers and launch a coordinated attack. They couldn't even do the laziest cinematic shorthand of making some of these females martial artists or army reserve members, to give them some motivation. Fucking hell. I could keep going on and on about the horrendous scripting (this movie was scripted, shot and edited in 5 months), but I've wasted enough of my time already. Black Christmas is a shit smear of a movie, and it's an official insult that it's even called Black Christmas. I'd rather watch the dreadful 2006 Black Christmas on a loop for the rest of my life than ever endure this pelican shit again.

First Viewing Viewing Date: December 23rd Via: Netflix Plot: A group of female students is stalked by a stranger during their Christmas break. That is until the young sorority pledges discover that the killer is part of an underground college conspiracy. Rating: ZERO FUCKING STARS

First Viewing Plot: A local celebrity and successful nightclub manager, Tony Towers is also engaged to a younger woman, Sue. Things get a little strange when he embarks upon the 3:17 train to Nottingham for a Christmas family reunion.

Well, this was extremely disappointing. A late entry to the December marathon, Last Train to Christmas caught my attention via social media as I follow some of the actors who appear in this, and the fact that it's led by Michael Sheen and Cary Elwes certainly intrigued me, but there's not much to recommend here. After an intriguing and entertaining first act which ably demonstrates the clever time-travelling gimmick, the movie seriously drags throughout its second act before closing on a whimper. I appreciate that the different time periods are portrayed via different cinematic techniques, and that's easily the most successful aspect of the movie, but it doesn't add up to much when there's so little in the way of substance. Even the age make-up is mostly disappointing, with Sheen's older self looking extremely unconvincing at times. Sheen still carries the movie, however, and there's scarcely a wrong foot trodden by the talented cast, but the storytelling really lets this thing down. It's too ambitious and doesn't do enough with the terrific concept. I'll give it points for the concept, the acting and the visual execution (and, as I said, the breezy first act held my attention), but this is otherwise a disappointing TV movie that I doubt I'll ever revisit.

First Viewing Plot: A counterfeiter finds the true meaning of the holidays when he hides from the cops in a suburban neighborhood and befriends some of the local children.

A Disney telemovie from the 1980s which was pulled out of the vault for Disney+ revival, The Christmas Star caught my attention due to the presence of the late, great Ed Asner. What better to honor the cherished thespian than to watch one of his movies during my December marathon? And, happily, I dug it more than anticipated. Without emerging as an all-time classic, it's a Christmas movie that hits all the right notes with adequate filmmaking confidence, and it doesn't feel as cloying or as artificial as one might expect from a Disney production. Even though it's G-rated, there's still a semblance of reality permeating the movie, and, when it dabbles in the more fantastical right at the end, it's a surprisingly effective moment. There's shades of Bad Santa here, and I even discovered some parallels to the Aussie movie A Sunburnt Christmas from last year, though The Christmas Star is inoffensive and well-suited for children. Asner steals the show here, as expected, and has the right look for Santa Claus.

First Viewing Plot: A ride share driver's life is turned upside down after an unexpected series of misfortunes.

Not strictly a Christmas movie but still sufficiently related to be counted among this year's Christmastime viewings, Night Drive is an enthralling low-budget indie thriller with big ambitions. Produced for a paltry sum of money, it looks visually slick throughout and features a terrific cast; the Aussie-born Sophie Dalah is a particular standout as Charlotte, coming across as charming yet dangerous. Admittedly, not everything works here; a third-act sequence in which Russell (AJ Bowen) is following Charlotte's directions but is held up by police should be taut and intense (à la Collateral), but comes across as silly and theatrical. However, there are far more hits than misses with this film. Free of political grandstanding, Night Drive is a rock-solid night at the movies during December or any time of the year.