Reviews by PvtCaboose91

By the time Red Heat was released, Arnold Schwarzenegger was already a well-established Hollywood star, and the mismatched buddy cop flick had become a popular action subgenre. And at the helm of Red Heat is none other than Walter Hill, who practically invented the buddy cop genre with his 1982 hit 48 Hrs. (which he directed and co-scripted). In spite of the ostensibly genius pairing of Arnie and James Belushi, this is just a standard genre film with violent action, a dash of cheesy one-liners, a generic police movie storyline, and nothing truly groundbreaking. Apart from a few changes, the plot is extremely similar to 48 Hrs. - right down to the hackneyed "outsider must prove himself" plot element.

The Schwarzenegger role in Red Heat is Russian policeman Captain Ivan Danko. After witnessing the death of his partner at the hands of drug boss Viktor Rostavili (O'Ross), Danko is sent to Chicago where Rostavili is waiting to be extradited. Upon his arrival in America he's assigned two LAPD escorts, and develops a rocky friendship with detective Art Ridzik (Belushi). But the routine extradition turns into a bloody mess as Rostavili escapes and Ridzik's partner ends up in the morgue. With the dangerous Rostavili on the streets, Ridzik and Danko must overcome their mutual distrust and cultural differences in order to bring him to justice.

In case you haven't already guessed, there aren't many surprises in store and the plot is both thin and familiar. Throughout the course of the proceedings, Ridzik and Danko become fast friends. The bond develops partly because Rostavili killed both men's partners, and also because they're men - they share the same ideology. Once the hunt for Rostavili begins, the film offers nothing but a solid chain of action. While it's endowed with an abundance of exciting set-pieces, Red Heat is unable to rank as one of the best of its genre simply because it's quite undistinguished, and the merger of action and comedy fails to gel. It certainly delivers action, but the comedy is virtually non-existent.

Red Heat is one of a string of '80s movies produced by Mario Kassar and Andrew Vajna for Carolco Pictures, and those familiar with their other efforts (the Rambo and Terminator movies) can expect the same "feel" - that is, the action is violent and gritty, it's adamantly old-school, and it's very watchable. Director Walter Hill has crafted some terrific action sequences for which he deserves high praise. The final showdown in particular (which contains Arnie playing chicken against Rostavili with buses) is wonderfully over-the-top. Red Heat is also the first movie to be filmed in Moscow's Red Square - the filmmakers failed to obtain a permit, so they dropped in for a one-day shoot with a camera, the required cast members and two crew members.

As we all should know, Arnold Schwarzenegger has never landed a role based on amazing acting abilities. In fact, if there's an actor who's picked on extensively for lack of talent, it's the prestigious Governator. Awful Russian accent aside, he's perfectly suited to the character of Ivan Danko - it's the role of an emotionless Russian officer with broken English; giving Schwarzenegger the chance to submit another of his brilliant physical performances. Then there are the action sequences - Arnie nails them all. Sure, he brings nothing new to the table, but Arnie is Arnie, none more so than throughout the late '80s. What you see is exactly what you get, and what you get is a rock-solid action performance from a rock solid action professional.

Belushi hasn't been mentioned yet, and that's for a good reason. As previously mentioned, while Red Heat is a perfectly serviceable and enjoyable switch-your-brain-off actioner, the comedy is generally flat (a few notable one-liners notwithstanding). The pairing of Schwarzenegger and Belushi (which echoes the Eddie Murphy/Nick Nolte partnership in 48 Hrs.) doesn't amount to much - it's without a necessary comic spark. Whenever the film focuses on the relationship between Danko and Ridzik, the pacing drags. To round out the cast there's the enormously appealing Peter Boyle (R.I.P.) as the police commander (whenever he raises his voice, it's impossible not to get images of Everybody Loves Raymond), the lovely Gina Gershon as the damsel in distress, the menacing Ed O'Ross as Rostavili, and a young Laurence Fishburne who makes a brief appearance as Ridzik's superior officer.

Red Heat (which arrived 3 years after Sylvester Stallone gave the almighty Soviet Union a bloody nose in Rocky IV) works as a superficially entertaining action-thriller. It doesn't deliver a great deal of comedy (an ingredient that could have ensured this film a place in the buddy movie hall of fame), but what it does deliver is a bunch of pulse-pounding action set-pieces. This is a must-see for Arnie's most devoted fans.

5.9/10

The enormous popularity and strong cult following of the brilliant Canadian vérité-style TV show Trailer Park Boys ensured a feature-length motion picture would eventually materialise - and it has arrived in the form of the gleefully crass and unapologetically non-PC Trailer Park Boys: The Movie. While this film doesn't necessary jive with some of the continuity established in the long-running television show, it's easily forgivable since the humour is in the same vein and the characters are still their usual selves.

For those who require a little context, Trailer Park Boys chronicles the get rich quick schemes of Ricky (Wells), Julian (Tremblay) and Bubbles (Smith); three inhabitants of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Nova Scotia. Ricky is the loser of the group who lives in his car, drinks liquor out of cat dishes and is a small-time pot farmer. Julian is the smart one who is unable to succeed due to Ricky's sheer idiocy. The strange bespectacled Bubbles cares for stray kittens and makes money by stealing shopping carts, fixing them, and selling them back to the mall. The trio are also accompanied by their sidekicks Cory (Bowles) and Trevor (Jackson), who aim to please Ricky no matter how much trouble he gives them. The trailer park is watched over in Gestapo-like fashion by alcoholic former police officer Jim Lahey (Dunsworth) and his perpetually shirtless, hamburger-eating, former male prostitute right hand man Randy (Roach). A few new faces are introduced in the film too, such as Hugh Dillon as the owner of a local gentlemen's club, and Nichole Hiltz playing a dancer who has eyes for Julian.

Towards the beginning of the movie, Ricky and Julian are at the tail end of a gaol sentence. They're let out early because Ricky is skilled at hockey, and the guards believe that getting rid of him will help their chances in the hockey tournament. Back in Sunnyvale Trailer Park, the boys (now reunited with Bubbles and the rest of their companions) begin to plot a way to earn a living. They begin contemplating what comes to be known as "the big dirty"; a heist that will allow the boys to retire from their life of crime forever. When it occurs to Julian that coins are untraceable and aren't as prosecutable as notes, the gang attempt to rob a few parking meters, which ultimately leads to the theft of a giant change container at a local cinema. Meanwhile, the everlastingly drunk Mr. Lahey tries to get the trio evicted.

Prison, car homes, theft, perpetual drinking, weed, skanks and shambolic cat accommodation decorate this fly-on-the-wall tale of these trailer park lowlifes. As absurd and off-putting as it is to follow the lives of proud hobos, the clandestine wit combined with a certain base humour will quickly ensnare tentative viewers. From the get-go, the protagonists say and do undeniably stupid things, but manage to come up with brilliant scams to get themselves out of trouble. While jokes and situations from the original show are recycled here, it all fits. After all, each episode of the TV show concerned the boy's latest scheme or latest dilemma - this just follows that tradition. Like all TV-show-to-movie conversions, this just feels like an extended episode. But considering the unhinged fun on offer, who really gives a shite?

The Trailer Park Boys big screen debut is a success no matter how you look at it. The gags are very funny, and contain the right mix of sweetness, natural warmth and crassness. The television series always maintained a sense of humanity and heart (otherwise the show would just seem like a showcase of unpleasant characters who trade verbal jabs for the hell of it), and this is thankfully retained for Trailer Park Boys: The Movie. Better, the characters are never degraded or glorified. Meanwhile the excessive profanity in addition to the drug and alcohol-laced humour works extraordinary well because the characters are all developed nicely, and this type of comedy suits their personalities. The laughs never feel forced; instead, they all seem to be a natural extension of the film's key players. Ricky, for instance, never finished school, drinks excessively and gets stoned frequently, and therefore the way he mucks up words and swears a lot feels appropriate. The only noticeable flaw is that the film drags from the 60-minute mark until about the 80-minute mark. In all likelihood, this is a side effect of being accustomed to viewing the show in 30-minute episodes, or it could be a side effect of laughing so damn hard for the first hour.

Like the TV show, a mockumentary style has been employed, meaning there are to-camera asides and extensive use of handheld camera. The movie was lensed on gritty 16mm film, which lends itself well to the documentary aesthetic. Trailer Park Boys: The Movie is not a visually impressive film at all, but it doesn't need to be or aspire to be - it's more concerned with pace and comedic timing. Stylistically, the only deviation from the television show is the fact that the testimonials have been cut down considerably, and the camera crew are not actual characters. Interestingly, while fans of the TV series will appreciate this movie much movie, it's still an enjoyable watch for the uninitiated (though they'd probably find the movie funnier the second time around).

The entire cast is wonderfully committed and appear to be having one hell of a fun time. As Ricky, Rob Wells has an overripe Elvis handsomeness (with a gut to match) as well as a hysterical single-mindedness in his determination to do two things: get back to gaol to win an important hockey tournament, and return to his former life of domestic bliss when he grew & sold weed. John Paul Tremblay plays Julian with a terrific deadpan comic persona, and is NEVER seen without a glass of rum & coke. Meanwhile Mike Smith's performance as Bubbles is endearing and downright hilarious. His semi-autistic shtick fits the character perfectly. Lucy Decoutere is winning as Ricky's ecdysiastically enthusiastic love interest, as is Lydia Lawson-Baird as Ricky's pre-teen daughter Trinity. It would take all day to list the rest of the brilliant cast members, so it'd be easier to sum them all up - they all embody their characters perfectly, and carry out their duties superbly.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie has received largely dismissive reviews, but as far as caper films go, this one is perfectly serviceable and highly enjoyable. It's unpretentious and eager to please.

7.7/10

To begin this review on a clichéd but nonetheless justified note, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (the latest motion picture of Terry Gilliam - best known as a piece of the Monty Python puzzle) has been saddled with an unreasonable burden. The fact that this movie features the final acting performance of the late Heath Ledger (who passed away during filming) will likely throw audiences and critics off the scent. Audiences viewing this movie on account of Ledger (or Johnny Depp, who is given a brief cameo appearance) will walk away disappointed - The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is not a Heath Ledger film; it's a Terry Gilliam picture, meaning that it's a true oddity of a movie as opposed to a mainstream fantasy fare. Gilliam is a filmmaker recognised for creating peculiar cinematic flights of fancy with strange scenarios and trippy dream-like sequences (he was behind Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, etc), so for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus the filmmaker has cooked up an elaborate, fantastical tale of travelling theatre performances, the afflictions of mortality, and a portal (flimsily disguised as a mirror) that ushers you into a world of your dreams.

The titular Dr. Parnassus (Plummer) is a centuries-old showman who travels around contemporary London in a rickety horse-drawn carriage with a troupe of performers resembling a medieval pantomime. Their performance centres on a magic mirror, through which audiences can enter a surreal world that projects their innermost desires. From there, they are faced with a choice: succumb to their baser, more cowardly wishes, or opt to follow their more noble side. But little do Parnassus' actors know that he made a deal with the devil: in exchange for eternal life, Parnassus agrees to give the devil (played by Waits) his first child on her 16th birthday. And that birthday is fast approaching...

Terry Gilliam, it would seem, is a cursed filmmaker - he has suffered some horrendously bad luck during most of his projects. Brazil was recut by Universal, The Man Who Killed Don Quixote was shut down completely after being beset with problems, and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen was dumped by Columbia. When Ledger died in January 2008, it was all too familiar. Gilliam's response to the tragedy was admirable - since the film is split into two worlds, fantasy and reality, and the footage featuring Ledger constituted the "real world" sequences, Gilliam was able to retool the script and hire three additional actors to play Tony (Ledger's character) in the fantasy sections: Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell (all of whom donated their pay to Ledger's daughter). The explanation behind the different appearances of Tony is that in the imaginary world, he becomes a projection of his own, and other people's desires. It's a seamless solution to a terrible setback, and the film as a whole comes across as remarkably cohesive.

A speech delivered by Johnny Depp at one stage appears to pay direct tribute to Ledger - Depp stands beside a river as miniature boats float by which display images of celebrities who died young (like James Dean and Rudolph Valentino). He eulogises them as never growing old or ugly, and explains that they'll survive as "gods" in the mind of the public.
Unlike Ledger's scene-stealing turn in The Dark Knight, his character in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is more low-key, though he's still captivating and full of energy. However Gilliam's film is not exactly the most fitting end to Ledger's career - it's not that he isn't good, but that this is an ensemble piece and he's no more interesting than anyone else around him (he only receives top billing out of sheer courtesy). In fact, there's no sign of Ledger for half an hour until the inescapably morbid sequence when he's found hanging under a bridge. Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell submit perfectly adequate work as the alternative appearances of Tony. To their credit, they all manage to embody the character and it's easy to accept the adjustment (especially if one remembers that in dreams, people often look like somebody else).

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was scripted by Gilliam and Charles McKeown (who worked together previously for Brazil and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen). In many ways, this is a typical Gilliam film - from the style (the use of hallucinatory imagery) to the very Gilliam-esque theme that there's redemption to be found in imagination and dreaming. For this venture, the writer-director is given the limitless capabilities of CGI. Gilliam has produced sumptuous imagery using more old-school effects, and therefore the finest computer-generated moments of this movie are utterly dazzling. The melding together of modern London urbanscapes with the ancient production design of the Parnassus carriage and the CGI wonderlands beyond the mirror is a spectacle of the highest regard.

The fantasyland bursts with pure strangeness; allowing Gilliam the freedom to be his usual self. In fact, there are numerous sequences which feel like old Monty Python animations that have been enhanced with contemporary CGI. Unfortunately, though, for all the extravagant imagery, the film lacks characters to genuinely care about or relate to. A key problem also emerges during the middle section when the emotional core fades and nothing close to a satisfying or workable story emerges. Gilliam may have an eye for enthralling imagery, but he also has a tin ear for dialogue - the characters spout some pretty dull lines from time to time. While some have criticised the story as messy, one simply needs to pay attention - it's a perfectly straightforward narrative presented in an admirably unconventional and unpredictable fashion, and it asks an audience to draw their own conclusions. There's no problem with a movie that asks an audience to engage their brain.

Terry Gilliam remains a fascinating moviemaker with the ability to amaze. Happily, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a spellbinding dosage of classic Gilliam. To lose a leading actor partway through production and have the creative intelligence required to retool the narrative in a way that still makes sense is a testament to Gilliam's artistic tenacity that makes his work so interesting.

7.9/10

Based on the novel by Daniel Carney, The Wild Geese is a classic British action-adventure movie which follows the tried-and-true formula successfully mined in such films as The Dirty Dozen and The Guns of Navarone. It's a remarkable combination of male bonding, military stereotypes, detailed briefings, last-minute snafus, double-crosses and (above all) epic, violent shootouts. Yet this venture is also inherently British, and it's all the better for it.

The plotline is your usual men-on-a-mission tale with a few extra twists. High-powered banker Edward Matherson (Granger) hires a faded mercenary named Allan Faulkner (Burton) to assemble a band of mercenaries to execute an assignment in Africa. Their mission is to rescue imprisoned former African leader Julius Limbani (Ntshona) who's critically ill and due for execution. After the recruits endure a bout of boot camp training, they're dropped into the bush. The mercs are able to pull off their mission without a hitch at first, but then things get ugly...

While the brilliance of The Wild Geese is partly attributable to the high action quotient, the strong characterisations are perhaps the film's most enduring element. In the same vein as The Dirty Dozen, the film takes its time with the characters - prior to the action, an enjoyable collection of scenes are provided which depict the soldiers on their home turf as the determinedly over-the-top Faulkner assembles his team. Reginald Rose's screenplay cleverly varies the motivations of the mercenaries; some are in it to support their high living, while others are aging soldiers seeking one final great adventure. Some believe in the cause, while others simply need the cash to pay rent. This character development capably elicits sympathy for what would otherwise be a pretty unscrupulous bunch of mercenaries. The pace rapidly picks up once the squad are shipped to Africa for training. Tension builds inexorably as the fastidiously laid out plans begin to work far too smoothly. From there, the film alternates between daft but engaging action sequences, and scenes of heavy exposition. Smartly, the script doesn't ignore or condone the inherent moral contradictions of mercenary life. The characters are given the chance to discuss, criticise and defend their chosen profession (and, in one case, racism).

The direction by Andrew V. McLaglen is brilliantly taut; the film only occasionally bogs during the 130-minute runtime. Once The Wild Geese shifts into its third act, the action sequences are frequent and fantastic. Despite the fact that this actioner was made in the 1970s, it manages to rival action set-pieces in contemporary military pictures. Certainly, the gore factor isn't astronomical (à la Saving Private Ryan) but a lot of blood is spilt and the body count is phenomenal. With the assistance of John Glen, McLaglen has created skilful set-pieces; from the tense covert infiltration to the full scale battles. This builds up to the excellent climactic action scene that transcends the conventions of the genre with its gritty nature and the lack of mercy shown towards the film's most amiable characters. All of this is accompanied by the appropriately militaristic themes conjured up by the film's composer Roy Budd. The score suits the movie perfectly during the exciting gunfights, as well as the more emotional moments when subtler cues are employed.

Several of Roger Moore's colleagues (from the James Bond films he starred in) also worked on The Wild Geese: Maurice Binder designed the title sequence, Bob Simmons had a hand in the stunts, Syd Cain took care of production design, and the aforementioned John Glen was both editor and second unit director. The cinematic techniques can be perceived as dated, but at the time they were fairly cutting-edge, and this should be respected. Besides, the filmmaking is not dated to the point that it's distracting. Alas, there are a few problems with this movie - some sloppy dialogue, an overlong runtime, a few contrived endangerment scenarios, and a sense of predictability & unoriginality that can't be eluded throughout the second half.

Another great joy of The Wild Geese is witnessing so many fine British & Irish stars and character actors gathered together in one film. Three acting giants of British cinema took the lead roles here. Heading the list is Richard Burton as the cynical Colonel Faulkner. Expectedly, Burton is superb; dominating the screen at all times and attacking dialogue with great gusto. Richard Harris as Rafar Janders is equally exceptional; he's a remarkable counterpoint to the apparent immorality of Burton's Faulkner, and he's the emotional core of the film. Completing the trio is none other than Sir Roger Moore as Shawn Flynn. Back in 1978, Moore was in the midst of his seven-film run as James Bond, but the actor wisely brings Flynn to life with a much harder edge (as evident with the character's introduction - Flynn forces a drug kingpin to eat heroin laced with strychnine at gunpoint). German actor Hardy Krüger is another fitting addition to the Wild Geese roster in the pivotal role of South African Lt. Pieter Coetze. He submits a remarkable performance.

Interestingly, there's a key indicator of this being a '70s film - the almost complete lack of woman; something which probably would not be allowed by head office in the 21st Century. The top-billed actress of this movie is Rosalind Lloyd (producer Euan Lloyd's daughter) in a two-scene role as a croupier in love with Shawn Flynn.

The Wild Geese is a classic slice of '70s action-adventure, with a cast of UK movie legends, some memorable dialogue and a plethora of spectacular action set-pieces. When you're in the mood for a high-calibre, top-notch Brit action film, you can't do better than this. As the saying goes; "They don't make 'em like this anymore!"

7.8/10

Speaking from a thematic perspective, Moon is the sci-fi masterpiece that The Island could have been had Michael Bay not opted to turn it into a brainless action extravaganza. In many ways, Moon (the directorial debut of Duncan Jones - otherwise known as David Bowie's son) is an affectionate throwback to an age of classic, cerebral sci-fi motion pictures (such as 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Runner); it's invested in areas of storytelling patience and hefty psychological investigation rarely explored in an era of Star Trek and Transformers. It's instead a simple story rich in ideas that explores several areas familiar to sci-fi fans: the concept of artificial intelligence, where bioethics is heading, and whether prolonged isolation can cause psychosis.

Moon kicks off with an advertisement for Lunar Industries: Earth's #1 provider of clean energy. This energy comes in the form of a radioactive isotope which is mined on the moon. Sam Bell (Rockwell) is the sole employee at the company's base on the dark side of the moon where he is responsible for supervision and routine maintenance of the mining equipment. As the film opens, Sam is nearing the end of his three-year contract. Due to a mechanical failure, there is no direct link between the lunar station and Earth; Sam can only send and receive recorded messages in order to communicate with his wife, daughter and bosses. An intelligent computer called GERTY (voiced by Spacey) provides Sam's only form of direct communication. But with only very little human interaction, and all of it indirect, he feels that three years is far too long to be isolated. Soon enough, Sam makes a series of discoveries that alter his understanding of his job, his life, the universe, and everything.

The less said about the meatier parts of the plot, the better. Without divulging spoilers, Moon eventually transforms into a morality tale that questions the notion of what's real and what isn't; what it means to be alive and what it means to be human. These questions propel the film towards an unsettling third act which suggests what might happen to humankind if certain technologies were fuelled by corporate greed. More importantly, as the questions pile up, the tension slowly and methodically builds...even after Sam unearths his most shocking discovery. Like Sam, a viewer will spend most of the latter half of Moon attempting to figure out what exactly is going on.

Moon exhibits a lucid influence by Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, and the nods are both frequent and uncamouflaged. Certain shots recall 2001, there's an effects sequence set to a piece of classical music, and there's the computer GERTY; a virtual clone of HAL (the nuances and intonations of Kevin Spacey's vocal performance even seem visibly influenced by Douglas Rain's voicework for 2001). For emotions, GERTY displays a smiley face that turns into a frowny face or even a crying face every so often, like the cheapest special effect the filmmakers could conceive of. But it works - and this is one of the many examples of the filmmakers' ability to make the most of their meagre budget. To create a science fiction movie with only $5 million would be difficult, yet Jones pulls it off with aplomb. Moon doesn't feature groundbreaking CGI, but it nevertheless remains enthralling from a visual standpoint. An incredibly believable lunar landscape has been constructed - and when the action shifts to the surface of the moon, there's a flawless blend of practical effects and subtle CGI. Sam's living quarters possess a familiar futuristic design that's bestowed with a realistic, lived-in quality almost foreign to this brand of sci-fi (notice, for instance, how filthy GERTY is, and that the areas Sam inhabits seem worn). Sedate camerawork courtesy of cinematographer Gary Shaw as well as Clint Mansell's transcendent, utterly haunting piano score also compound the sense of unearthly isolation.

Director Duncan Jones (formerly known as Zowie Bowie - yeah, I'd have changed my name too) has previously directed commercials. This is his first feature film and it's a promising one. For a film debut, Moon is a surprisingly ambitious effort since sci-fi is a route rarely taken by neophyte directors tackling projects without a huge budget or studio backing. By addressing intimate subject matter and keeping the film's setting mostly within the confines of the moon-base, however, Jones is freed from a majority of the warped conventions that typically define mainstream science fiction. Moon is not Star Wars-inspired space opera; it is provocative, intelligent stuff that takes the elements of "science" in science fiction seriously. If there's a flaw, it's that the film wants to say more than it has time to. In a 90-minute timeframe, the film attempts to make comments about corporate greed, the human mind, the consciousness of technology and other human advances which can't be discussed without heading into Spoiler Land. While these notes are hit well, the film tends to hit them too fast, leaving an audience to contemplate and realise it all only after they've finished watching it. Important plot points are revealed in the blink of an eye as well, and while you attempt to put it all together, the story progresses on-screen.

A terrific performance submitted by Sam Rockwell keeps a viewer caring throughout the narrative. Because there are virtually no other human characters in the film, much of the success of Moon rested solely on the shoulders of Rockwell. And it works! Rockwell (a character actor who has featured in such recent films as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Matchstick Men, but has not yet managed to break through into genuine Hollywood stardom) deserves to be an Oscar contender given the weight of the material he manages to nail here - the actor delivers an affecting and credible portrayal of a loner who yearns for home, with later plot developments allowing him to show different facets of the role. Not only does Rockwell keep an audience rapt (much like Tom Hanks did for much of Cast Away), but he also puts a human face on some hefty themes.

While Moon begins like a hodgepodge of various other sci-fi flicks, director Jones and screenwriter Nathan Parker are able to breathe new life into these familiar elements; creating something unique, fresh, mesmerising and exhilarating. The conclusion is perhaps a bit too tidy, but it gives the story a sense of narrative resolution while also suggesting that larger issues are a long way from being resolved.

Moon is truly a contemporary horror movie which eschews a wearisome slasher mentality to explore the nature of identity and the perversion of human life through scientific advances and corporate skulduggery. It asks proper, stimulating questions without being cold, aloof, pretentious or even remotely boring. And it works as all the best sci-fi does - by employing special effects to complement a genuine, thought-provoking human narrative. It's not that there's anything wrong with escapist entertainment like Star Trek, but Moon is closer to the expectations of die-hards when they hear the term "sci-fi". It's very different from glossy sci-fi blockbusters - and far more satisfying.

8.8/10

For a time during the 1980s, Arnold Schwarzenegger ruled Hollywood. He was the ultimate action hero, and it did not matter that he was a one-dimensional actor who favoured snappy one-liners and blood-soaked action over Oscar-worthy dialogue and profound emotion. From Conan the Barbarian to The Terminator and Commando, the iconic "Ah-nuld" was a force of star power to be reckoned with, and movie-goers flocked to his movies in droves. 1987's Predator is the perfect '80s movie, amalgamating the decade's three most popular genres: action-adventure, horror, and science fiction - and it is a Schwarzenegger flick to boot. These ingredients form this entertaining brew of violent action, over-the-top macho posturing and ridiculously quotable dialogue, and it is all set at a breakneck pace. Predator arguably remains the manliest movie in existence.

At its most basic narrative level, Predator is a standard men-on-a-mission movie like The Wild Geese or The Dirty Dozen, but with added horror and sci-fi flourishes. Dutch Schaefer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his battle-hardened squad of elite commandos accept a mission from the CIA to rescue a group of political hostages from guerrillas in the remote jungles of Central America. The assignment seems simple enough, but shortly after rappelling into enemy territory, Dutch and his team feel something is not quite right. Not only have they been set up by the CIA, who actually want them to recover military intelligence, but there is also something lurking in the jungle...an extraterrestrial, technologically advanced creature watching their every move. As the men make their way to the extraction point, the mysterious Predator begins targeting them one by one.

The fact that the Predator never gives a reason for its presence on Earth makes its hunting game far more ruthless. Moreover, this creature has no voice, and the men cannot reason with it - it is a hunter, pure and simple, and it slaughters the commandos for sport. Unsurprisingly, since screenwriters Jim and John Thomas wanted to cross Rocky with E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial, the movie eventually boils down to a mano-a-mano standoff between Schwarzenegger and the Predator, with the stakes becoming equal when Dutch discovers a way to appear invisible to his opponent's thermal imaging vision. At this point, Predator announces its affinity for all things primal as Dutch reaches deep inside himself and becomes a primordial warrior stripped of all guns, equipment, and armour. The battle between Dutch and the Predator is exhilarating, with a palpable sense of danger seldom felt in a regular Arnie movie. The superstar is more vulnerable while fighting this strong, otherworldly entity, creating tension since it is unclear whether or not Dutch can survive.

A huge part of what makes Predator such a top-shelf action flick is that it never stops charging ahead. No sprawling back-stories, rambling chunks of exposition or gratuitous narrative distractions ever bog down the uncomplicated plot. However, it is easy to become invested in what occurs because Dutch and his commandos have a hell of a lot of personality, and the screenplay allows the characters to flourish and light up the screen. The lulls in the action are always filled with something: mistrust, pig-sticking, pussy jokes, the nagging sense that something is not quite right, intense character interaction, and more. As a result, the pace never has the chance to drag. On top of this, Predator is one of the most quotable films in history, on pair with Arnie's Commando - "If it bleeds, we can kill it"; "Get to the choppaaaah!"; "I ain't got time to bleed"; "You're one ugly motherfucker"...the list could keep going, but you get the idea.

With its thrilling, high-octane mix of Rambo and Aliens, Predator is a masterpiece in every sense of the word, delivering plenty of energetic action and enough testosterone and machismo to float an entire island of elephants. It is cheesy as hell, of course, and the visual effects are slightly dated, but it is also entertaining and cool as hell, with tonnes of quotable lines and an utterly unforgettable villain. Predator is an action-adventure movie with something for everyone, and it is a seminal jewel in Arnie's esteemed career.

10/10

It'd be reasonable to dive straight into the crucial problem with Hot Rod - the filmmakers behind it attempted to expand a one-joke premise (the type that might have worked in a Saturday Night Live short) into a feature-length motion picture. The product is a 10-minute gem stretched out to a lazy 85-minute goof which can't even begin to sustain its wafer-thin premise over the comparatively bloated runtime. The sporadic flashes of inspiration and a few funny moments are overwhelmed by a lot of aimless noodling around and silly pratfalls in lieu of genuine wit and cleverness. While this was intended to be a lovable loser comedy, Hot Rod comes across as a product assembled with an Allen key designed for quick sale that was made to cash in on the likes of Napoleon Dynamite and Anchorman. The leading role was originally written for Will Ferrell, and the antics of Andy Samberg in the film are quite derivative of cinema's leading Man-Child. This is Samberg's feature film debut, but while he's a performer of sizeable energy, his range of laugh impact is limited.

The story, such as it is, centres on a self-proclaimed stuntman named Rod Kimble (Samberg). Rod was raised to believe his now deceased biological father was Evel Knievel's test rider, and he dreams of one day being able to defeat his step-father Frank (McShane) in a fight. When Frank is in urgent need of a heart transplant, Rod decides to raise $50,000 for the operation by staging a stunt that's worthy of Evel Knievel: jumping 15 buses (one more than Knievel ever dared). Supported by his loyal crew - younger half-brother Kevin (Taccone), friends Dave (Hader) and Rico (McBride), as well as Denise (Fisher) who lives next door - Rod begins to plan his big jump so he can keep Frank alive and finally kick his ass.

It would appear that Samberg, screenwriter Pam Brady and director Akiva Schaffer put together a literal checklist for each scene in order to maximise the comic potential. Funny shirts? Got it. Funny hair? Check. Funny words and/or pronunciation? Uh huh. Funny song? Yes indeedy. The problem with the gags in Hot Rod, though, is that the "funny" is relative - which means it's funny to see a mate of yours engaged in these antics because you know their personality. Unfortunately without the benefit of this perspective, the goofs are sometimes amusing, but more often less so, and the film comes across as more of a self-indulgent series of skits. It seems that the filmmakers also have a real familiarity and affection for '80s movie conventions. In particular, Hot Rod employs the increasingly clichéd framework of John Hughes films/teen coming-of-age stories as a backdrop for the series of disconnected gags. This framework necessitates a competitor for Denise's affection, a second act revelation about Rod's father that shatters his confidence, and a final, triumphant slow-motion middle-of-the-street march that leads to his redemptive jump attempt.

The fact that the crew behind Hot Rod are Saturday Night Live alumni would explain why the movie feels like an extended skit. Rather than aiming for honest laughs through clever writing or carefully nurtured comedic set-pieces, the filmmakers opt for a veritable salad of movie references, bone-crunching pratfalls, flat-out silliness and pointless comic digressions. The sequences in which Rod's ill-advised stabs at stunt-work result in him being bashed, burned and nearly drowned may be amusing when witnessed in two-minute chunks on YouTube, but seeing then running one after the other for close to 90 minutes grows tedious. Rod is a dolt who ends up failing and getting hurt not due to bad luck or an inability to judge his abilities and shortcomings - it's because he's an idiot. This could have worked if he was an endearing idiot, but he's no Will Ferrell or Inspector Clouseau. Granted, Hot Rod does supply a few laughs. Then again, it's not hard to laugh at brutal pratfalls (the producers of Jackass made millions off that premise). But one can only laugh at Rod's missteps and poor stunts a few times before they're just no longer funny. Furthermore, the punch lines are incredibly predictable. While training for the big jump, Rod asks his friends to hold him underwater for a period of time to strengthen his lungs. You can easily predict what's going to happen...

There's no doubt the guys behind Hot Rod can be funny. However the dynamics (specifically in concept, timing and execution) that work for a short comedy sketch don't translate into success for a cohesive feature film. It's for this reason that isolated bits and pieces of the film are funny, but if taken as a whole it fails to gel. Even then, the film doesn't necessitate repeated viewings and after seeing it once it loses much of the comedic punch it originally packed. At the very least, Hot Rod is a breezy farce and a fun watch that's fairly easy to enjoy, and it also manages to provide an answer to the eternal question: who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?

4.9/10

At its most basic level, Eraser is a shameless Arnie movie - another member the action movie subgenre wherein the Austrian Oak smirks, munches on cigars and dispatches several battalions of nameless extras. It's loud, violent, sporadically funny and overflowing with action set-pieces and nifty weaponry. The only thing Eraser lacks is a spin - at the end of the day, it's just a fairly undistinguishable Arnold Schwarzenegger film. This is not a particularly bad thing, however, since it's therefore able to forgo all pretensions in order to revel in the fun, over-the-top action sequences. The final result is flawed but undeniably enjoyable.

The Schwarzenegger role in Eraser is U.S. Marshal John Kruger. He works with the witness protection program as an "eraser", which basically means that, as a protective measure, he "erases" the identities of the witnesses he's assigned to protect. As to be expected from an Arnie film, Kruger is considered to be the best in his line of work. His latest assignment is Lee Cullen; a top ranking executive for Cyrez Corporation (a U.S. weapons manufacturer) who uncovers evidence of a political plot to put a new super-weapon in the hands of an American enemy. But Cullen and Kruger soon discover that the level of treason extends past the Cyrez Corporation and into high levels of government.

The plot is expectedly thin stuff; an excuse to tie together rip-roaring action scenes. The action ranges from sensational to downright silly. Director Charles Russell (The Mask, Nightmare on Elm Street 3) capably shapes the story and paces the movie. The script is moderately well-structured, and wonderfully seasoned with Schwarzeneggerisms. Eraser is also another attempt at a "high tech" action flick (in the mould of Mission: Impossible and Hackers) - that is, it's a collection of the usual explosions and shootouts which are placed within a plot that involves all types of electronic gadgetry. Not much attention is paid to whether the science is feasible...but if it looks and sounds awesome, why not utilise it? While Eraser is standard stuff, there are some fun variations - mainly in the fact that many of the gunfights feature weapons which can shoot through walls (with an x-ray sight to boot).

So with explosions, stunts, nifty guns and "Ah-nuld", what else could you ask for? Well, a fresher script - the whole enterprise is hampered by a "been there, done that" feel. The much-worked-over screenplay (credited to Tony Puryear and Walon Green) sorely needed more work, particularly in the character department. The characters are utterly generic - Kruger is totally unstoppable (even after being stabbed and shot) and lacks any dimension, while Cullen is nothing more than a stereotypical, forgettable damsel in distress who does barely anything to further the plot, and Deguerin is a standard issue bad guy (with Caan using every hammy mannerism possible to sell what amounts to a third-rate James Bond villain). However, to the credit of the screenwriters, some of the more painful action movie standbys are avoided - the male & female leads do not fall in love, and (happily) they aren't always at each other's throats. That said, there are countless other problems with Eraser. It simply runs out of steam halfway through; having offered up its most spectacular set-pieces long before the lengthy 120-minute picture nears its climax. Even some of the best scenes are marred by dated CGI, which is especially disappointing considering that the budget could have paid for a small African nation.

There's a reason why Arnie kicking ass has become part of movie culture...it's awesome fun!! Eraser should hearten Schwarzenegger fans who disliked his ventures beyond the action realm (for instance the bloated parody Last Action Hero, and the comedy Junior). This is Ah-nuld at his muscle-bound, gun-toting best: mowing down bad guys without taking much of a breather. He does little more than walk through the ostensibly tailor-made role of John Kruger, but the big man is one hell of an amazing screen presence, and he can still deliver snappy one-liners with assurance (such as the iconic line "You're luggage" which he utters after shooting an alligator). Thankfully, Arnie has been surrounded by a more than satisfactory supporting cast. The acting is extremely passable, especially from Robert Pastorelli who seems to be having an absolute blast in the Joe Pesci-type sidekick role.

All in all, Eraser is pretty standard-issue Arnold Schwarzenegger, and a perfectly adequate time filler. It's hardly original, but with Arnie and some spectacular set-pieces, this is a thrilling ride. Just don't expect to remember much about the film five minutes after you finish watching it.

6.2/10

Released immediately after The Terminator and Commando, 1986's Raw Deal is a straightforward Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle which was designed to exploit the star's new image as an unstoppable one-man army. Films like these aren't generally well received (as exemplified by the generally poor reviews it endured), but this reviewer had no problem enjoying the hell out of it - especially since it features "Ah-nuld" at the pinnacle of his career. However, while enjoyable, Raw Deal is admittedly nothing more than a run-of-the-mill action flick; a lightweight spar through the rule-breaking cop conventions without a skerrick of narrative originality.

In the film, the Austrian Oak stars as Mark Kaminsky. He's a former FBI agent (ejected from the bureau for heavy treatment of a lowlife suspect) who has become forced to suffer the indignity of a job as a sheriff in a small town. When one of Kaminsky's old pals from the FBI (Darren McGavin) contacts him with an opportunity for reinstatement, he jumps at the chance. His assignment: to infiltrate a Chicago Mafia family and destroy it.

There are a bunch of terrific action moments scattered generously throughout Raw Deal; building to the mega adrenaline rush of a climax. For the final act, Schwarzenegger's character basically gets fed up, decides to lock & load, and prompts an '80s arming up montage (reminiscent of Commando). First order of business: to drive around a gravel pit dispatching as many villains as possible to the tune of the Rolling Stones' Satisfaction. Second order of business: take out the entire Chicago mob using a ridiculous amount of firepower. Believable? Not at all. Fun? Fuck yes! The climax can easily be considered moronic since Schwarzenegger is invincible and unshootable, but this is exactly what an '80s audience expected of the Austrian Oak - he was an invulnerable killer like no other. Arnie also gets plenty of corny one-liners to disperse here, such as the classic line "You should not drink and bake."

Raw Deal plays out as if the filmmakers decided upon the action set-pieces first before conceiving a suitable story to justify them all. A standard mob infiltration plotline is on offer here, complemented with the usual subplot of the former FBI agent wanting to get back on the force. Generally speaking, the police thriller genre is not well suited for '80s Schwarzenegger carnage. The committee of screenwriters, along with director John Irvin seem aware of this fact until the final showdown when the film transforms from police thriller to outright '80s actioner. Whether the climax will satisfy depends entirely on your expectations - it's undeniably fun watching Schwarzenegger dish out the trademark goods, but others may be disappointed that the action compromises an otherwise serious, more drama-oriented film.

There are tonnes of flaws to point out in Raw Deal; a surplus of cheesy moments which hinder the film's fun value (such as the dreadful final scene), a lingering sense of predictability, very little in the way of originality, and there isn't as much action as one would expect considering its origins as a Schwarzenegger action vehicle. Subplots and periphery characters are mostly shoved aside in favour of keeping things as stripped-down and simple as possible (for instance Kaminsky's wife shows up during the first 20 minutes, and then disappears completely). At least the performances are adequate thanks to an ideal cast. Robert Davi in particular delivers a rock-solid performance; supported by passable acting courtesy of Sam Wanamaker as a crime boss and Kathryn Harold as the love interest of the picture. Arnie admittedly pales in comparison to these performers whenever he's given dialogue to deliver, but he's still infinitely more watchable and charismatic than, say, Van Damme or Steven Seagal. And, naturally, his screen presence is unbelievably awesome.

To be honest, I miss movies like Raw Deal. You know, old-school '80s action fodder starring a muscle-clad performer such as Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Despite flaws, this is an easy film to enjoy with its numerous action rampages and a high level of pure machismo. Raw Deal may not be a good movie, but it never pretends to be. It's enjoyable and mindless - a film best enjoyed with a bunch of friends, plenty of beer, a pizza, and (most importantly) an uncritical attitude.

6.0/10

Though I walk through the valley of shadow and death, I shall fear no evil; for Lord John Matrix will protect me; his big fucking guns and huge muscles, they comfort me.

In the beginning, there was the masterpiece known as Commando. And the God of '80s Action Excess did look upon it and see that it was good. And lo did Arnold Schwarzenegger massacre hundreds of mercenaries in displays of awesome ultra-violence, and Alyssa Milano did rejoice. Amen.

After the triple play of The Terminator and both Conan films, Arnold Schwarzenegger graduated to top billing with Commando; a classic '80s action movie that fetishises explosions, violence and guns, in addition to containing an assortment of evil villains, cheesy one-liners, big guns, bigger guns and enough dead bodies to keep a mortician's convention busy for days. It was produced by illustrious action super-producer Joel Silver and written by distinguished action writer Steven E. de Souza (48 Hrs., Die Hard), not to mention that the primary star is none other than the iconic Arnie. On any level above that of red-faced guilty pleasure, there's simply no way to defend Commando. It's a gloriously primitive and cartoonish action vehicle that makes absolutely no bones about its absurdity. It never pretends to be anything other than a simple-minded exercise in vicarious violence. Its heart and soul is best summarised by a line of dialogue - a female character, while witnessing two über-macho behemoths engaged in mano-a-mano fisticuffs, exclaims "These guys eat too much red meat!"

Schwarzenegger plays Colonel John Matrix (complying with the First Law of Early '80s Action Movies, this is one awesome name); a former special ops soldier now retired and living in a secluded cabin with his daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano). Matrix believes his old life of violence, gunfire and post-mortem one-liners is over, but a former dictator is unwilling to let him rest in peace. This dictator is Arius (Dan Hedaya), who, with the help of the psychotic soldier Bennett (Vernon Wells), enacts a plan to regain power in the third-world hellhole he was ousted from. They wish for Matrix to do their bidding, and they kidnap his daughter to convince him to comply with their instructions. But there's one thing they forgot: nobody fucks with John Matrix.

It's the way Matrix dispatches with the villain's original plan and summarily devises his own that makes Commando so exhilarating. Director Mark L. Lester (Class of 1984, Showdown in Little Tokyo) serves the action spectacle straight-up, with little in the way aesthetic flourish, emotional bracketing or even downtime. The makers realised that Schwarzenegger's primal screen presence needs little accoutrement, and the action hero is, therefore, just given the opportunity to bulldoze his way through the narrative (and literally through a sporting goods store at one stage). Matrix is less a character than a force of nature, and the cutesy scenes meant to establish his loving fatherly nature with Jenny at the beginning of the movie are impossible to take seriously. ("Why don't they just call him Girl George? It would cut down on the confusion.") Matrix only makes sense when he's armed to the teeth with an assortment of weaponry, blasting his way through hundreds of henchmen like an automated turret when given a line of immobile enemies to dispatch (there's no reason to point out how convenient it is that he has a limitless supply of ammunition, and seems to find bigger weapons just by looking down). Commando simply surges forward from action set-piece to action set-piece, pausing only for one-liners and shots of Alyssa Milano sneering at her captors. The film lasts less than 90 minutes, but one could spend two hours talking about it because it contains so much cool stuff.

Commando works on just about every level, but it's the script that makes it such a gem. Classic one-liners range from "Let off some steam, Bennett" (after Bennett is impaled with a steam pipe), "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now I'm very hungry" and the classic "I let him go" (after dropping some poor bloke off a cliff). Gold. Pure gold. Commando is the movie that helped to forge and solidify the Schwarzenegger action movie persona. At the time of this movie's release, the former Mr. Universe was known as a cyborg from the future and a loin-cloth-clad barbarian. He had already uttered the immortal "I'll be back" catchphrase (in The Terminator), and Commando immediately announces its self-aware silliness when Arnie repeats this line to the movie's central villain. This is just one of the many one-liners, puns and badass phrases peppered throughout the film, making the consciously bad dialogue second in volume to the number of bullets fired during the scant runtime.

De Souza's script is pitch-perfect, Lester's direction is immaculate, Matthew F. Leonetti's cinematography is beautiful, the editing is sharp and the score by James Horner is one of the coolest you'll ever hear (not to mention it gives even more power to the unique visual style). The acting, meanwhile, is spot-on right down the line. Schwarzenegger is enormously likeable and funny, and he's an awesome physical actor. Arnie reportedly performed nearly all of his own stunts (this included jumping through windows, doing gruelling fights and hanging onto a plane's landing gear as it travelled at 65 miles an hour), and the price was merely a dislocated shoulder and some stitches...what a guy. Vernon Wells's performance is classic - the actor was fresh from Mad Max 2 and Weird Science when he stepped into the role of Bennett, and he's right at home with this goofy material. The banter between Wells and Arnie is downright iconic. Rae Dawn Chong as the token female confidently fulfils her duties, while Milano is easily likeable as Matrix's daughter.

The action genre reached its pinnacle in 1985 with Commando. No movie in the ensuing years has been able to wield a proper combination of violence, awesome one-liners and absurdity like this vintage Arnie vehicle did. Flicks like this are also an endangered species due to the contemporary evolution of the genre necessitated by dismissive critics. With action movies becoming increasingly more complex (with fewer action set-pieces), this is a reminder of a simpler era of moviemaking. Sure, Commando could be called a dumb movie, but those deriding it with such harsh words are not accepting the film as what it was intended to be. Unfortunately, a planned sequel never materialised despite de Souza writing a draft (and Frank Darabont doing revisions on it), but the script is available to read online and it is highly recommended. Don't believe the snobby, self-important film connoisseurs who claim that Citizen Kane is the best and most essential film ever - Commando is the film you MUST see!!!

I love this movie. I love it with an unhealthy obsession.

10/10